DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed the poem I'm sending you so much that I hope you will share it with your readers. -- SCHOOLTEACHER

DEAR SCHOOLTEACHER: I'm sure many of them will enjoy it. It reads like the lyrics to a rap song:

Hey, whatcha doing? Whaddaya say?

Do ya wanna read a good poem today?

Hey, gotta sec? C'mon! Let's see!

Our language is changing, you'll hafta agree.

Well, gimme a minute, and lemme just show:

There's a new coined spelling, doncha know?

It's a heckuva note; it's kinda sad,

'Cuz our sloppy talking has gotten this bad.

If you're like me, and you hate there to be

Words like ain't in our vocabulary;

Don't be surprised if we're soon gonna see

Sorta or coulda in the dictionary.

Yeah, merchants and stores are doing it, too;

Making things EZ and quik for you.

They'll offer mor-valu; we can sav-rite tonite;

But the spelling's not kool; it's outtasite!

It's "lots of" (not lotsa), and "going to" (not gonna),

And "got to" and "want to," (not gotta or wanna);

It's "extra" (not x-tra), and "light" (not lite).

And who sez it's OK to use shur or nite?

Comic book lingo; doesn't it getcha?

Annoy? Perplex? Confuse? You betcha!

A whole lotta words like thru and tho;

So why do we all do it?

I dunno!

-- GEORGE WILLINK, 1995

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married in four months and was planning on having a "dollar dance" at my reception.

My soon-to-be father-in-law is totally against it. He says it's tacky, and he would be embarrassed in front of his millionaire friends.

I told him that I have had friends do this at their receptions, and nobody thought it was tacky.

Help, Abby. I don't know what to do. -- DANCE DILEMMA IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR DILEMMA: Since your father-in-law-to-be has told you that he would be embarrassed, I suggest that you skip the "dollar dance." The few dollars it would bring in aren't worth risking your relationship with your future in-laws.

DEAR ABBY: Re "Wiser Now," who bought fire extinguishers as gifts for weddings, housewarmings and graduations, after she had a close call with a pot of burning rice on the stove:

That has been a two-decade tradition in our family. My late father came up with the idea as a "funny" but practical shower gift. Dad suggested that I combine the "wishing well gift" (a bottle of aspirin) and the fire extinguisher, with a note:

"The extinguisher is for the bride to put his fire out, and the aspirin is for the groom to get rid of her headache!"

In all the years I have attended bridal showers, this is one gift that has never been duplicated, or returned. -- D. REBECCA SHOEMAKER, BETHLEHEM, PA.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I've ever written to you, but I have been reading "Dear Abby" since I was a teen-ager and I trust your advice.

I was married to "Harold" for 15 years. We had three children together and divorced four years ago for several reasons. The main reason was that he was unfaithful to me. I was hurt, bitter and angry because I had always been faithful to him. I never dreamed I would end up divorced, having to raise three children alone.

Now, after four years, he has had a relationship fall apart, and so have I. We have both reached the same conclusion. It is very hard to find a partner who is completely accepting of someone else's children. It makes life extremely complicated to be with someone who does not accept the full "package."

We are presently considering the possibility of dating and possibly reuniting our family. It makes a lot of sense for many reasons.

Abby, what are the chances of making a marriage work the second time around? The only one that comes to mind is Elizabeth Taylor, who married Richard Burton twice, and we all know how that ended. -- PUZZLED IN PORTLAND

DEAR PUZZLED: If there are reliable statistics on the success or failure rate of remarriages, I am not aware of them. In my opinion, the most important ingredient for a successful marriage -- in addition to love -- is for the couple to really need each other.

A word to the wise, however: Before committing yourself to another marriage to a partner who has been unfaithful in the past, make sure that whatever caused it is resolved. I recommend "couples counseling."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 71-year-old widow who has read your column for years. You've had letters about older men who are reluctant to become romantically involved because prostate problems have left them impotent. Yes, there are women, as you say, who prefer a sexless relationship. I am one of them. When I meet a gentleman, early on in our acquaintance I let him know that I do not want to become sexually involved.

My reason: I have an ugly body from my waist down. My thighs are heavy and I have developed what is called "drop stomach" or an "apron."

I joined a gym class and exercise regularly, but there is nothing I can do about this apron of flesh that just hangs down. This is very discouraging because I would like to have a gentleman in my life, but when I let a man know I want a sexless relationship, he loses interest in me.

Surgery (a "tummy tuck") is not an option for me. Ten years ago I had face-lift, and I've already had my eyelids lifted, and that's enough surgery for me.

My husband left me fairly well-off, so I don't have to marry a man for his money. What advice do you have for me? -- ABBY FAN IN ARIZONA

DEAR FAN: Most older men who marry older women do not care if the woman has an "apron" of flesh that hangs down. If you can overlook a man's potbelly, he can overlook your "apron."

The organ of the body that is most important in romance is -- believe it or not -- the EAR. What lovers hear when they make love can work wonders in achieving satisfaction. Trust me.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Never have I felt so compelled to write to you as when I read the letter from "Concerned Mom" regarding guns in the house. She shouldn't feel awkward about her young son's welfare. If safe and proper storage methods have been adhered to, there should be no reason for alarm.

I don't see any mention in that letter that indicates "Concerned Mom" wouldn't let her children play at the Smiths because of kitchen knives in unsecured drawers or in a knife block on the counter, power tools in the garage, drain cleaners and other household products easily accessible stored under the kitchen sink, medication in the bathroom, electrical outlets uncovered, or cooking pots on the stove.

Our homes contain a multitude of potential threats to children. With supervision, knowledge and safeguards, our homes can be happy and protected places for our children -- guns in or guns out. You may use my name. -- SUSANE A. GREENE, MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR SUSANE A. GREENE: All of the potentially dangerous items you cite in your letter have been mentioned in my column many times, as well as the danger of having a loaded gun in the house.

DEAR ABBY: I have been at my job only about nine months, so I'm a little afraid to talk to my supervisor about a problem I'm having with a co-worker. I try very hard to do the best job I can, I'm dependable, and never miss work without a legitimate reason, while she wastes time, takes off for little or no reason, and "brown-noses" the bosses.

Abby, she lies to them about me, blaming me for every error she makes and accusing me of all sorts of things. It has become almost a full-time job defending myself, but if I don't, my supervisors may believe what she says, and I can't afford to be without an income.

I'm about ready to quit, but jobs are hard to find. Help! -- FED-UP LINE WORKER

DEAR LINE WORKER: Your supervisors can plainly see that you are doing a good job. They can also evaluate the performance of your co-workers.

If it's any comfort, Abraham Lincoln was also wounded by the arrows of his "enemies." This is what he had to say about it: "If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how -- the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end.

"If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, 10 angels swearing I was right would make no difference."

DEAR ABBY: My brother and I work for the same company. He has a position in the company that puts him in contact with hundreds of people. Here is my problem: It seems that everyone hates him, and I have to hear it!

What should I say to people when they tell me how they feel about him, and should I talk to my brother about this? -- "T'S" BROTHER IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR BROTHER: If your brother is really making enemies right and left and it's not part of his job, he will be hearing about it soon enough from his boss -- so it shouldn't be necessary for you to counsel him. Your dilemma reminds me of an old saying: "It takes a friend and an enemy, working in concert, to hurt you to the core. The enemy to slander you, and the friend to tell you about it."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)