DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have come to the conclusion that you are our only hope. We have had an ongoing problem since moving into our home two years ago.

Our trash is picked up weekly in the alley at the rear of our home. We have a neighbor who uses one broken plastic container for his trash. The container is full early in the week, so by the end of the week, there is unwrapped garbage all over. We fear the worst -- rats.

The sanitation men do an excellent job, but it's not their responsibility to scoop up garbage that's scattered on the ground.

I've thought about confronting this neighbor, buying him more trash cans, even sending him pictures of the mess -- anonymously, of course.

Our dilemma is this: He's not a bad neighbor. His children play with our children and we like him -- we just want his trash to be contained like the rest of the neighbors'. Above all, we don't want any hard feelings. Please help, but keep us anonymous. -- EVANSVILLE, IND.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Sending your neighbor pictures of his garbage won't help -- I'm sure he already knows what a mess it is. Call your sanitation department and ask if there are city regulations about garbage containers (I'm sure there are). Ask the director of the department to write a letter to your neighbor pointing out the infractions and insisting on compliance.

If the letter doesn't cause the neighbor to correct the problem, explain your concerns to him and request that additional containers be purchased -- and used.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, I ordered your cookbooklet "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes," and only just now have tried one of your recipes -- the Burgundy Lamb Shanks. No need to tell you just how delicious they were: Even my husband -- who doesn't like lamb -- raved over them. I plan on serving this lively feast to guests some evening soon.

They are particularly suitable for entertaining, as I made them the day before (as you suggested), reheated them in the oven and served them on a bed of rice. Now I'm eager to try out a few more of your ideas.

Cookbooks are one of my hobbies. I think it's a real loss that most of our old recipes are disappearing and being replaced by ones mostly based on the quickness and ease of preparation, with not much time or love involved. They certainly would never be able to compete with your Burgundy Lamb Shanks. Thank you so much for sharing! -- MURIEL MCMAHON, WEST VANCOUVER, B.C.

DEAR MURIEL: Thank you for the kind words. Granted, many homemakers are now in the workforce and have limited time for cooking, but those who love the process as well as the result still manage to put together an occasional meal the old-fashioned way. Cooking is an interesting hobby, and one that provides a unique opportunity for bonding. Every time I cook with a new friend, I learn something.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I appreciated your column on what not to say to an infertile couple. We are a professional couple in our late 30s, and infertility has been a part of our lives for almost 10 years now. We've been to six fertility specialists and have endured many months of high-tech procedures.

We have decided now to detour from the medical route because of the cost and spent emotions. It's more devastating not to be pregnant after spending several hundreds of dollars. Our current doctor cannot detect a medical problem with either one of us. We have tried to adopt a few times, but it didn't work out.

The most difficult part of infertility is the deafening silence. Most of our friends and relatives have had children with no difficulty; consequently, they can't relate to infertility.

We no longer attend family reunions because it's too stressful. Relatives seem concerned only with how many children one has, and since we have none, we have nothing to talk about.

We have endured many insensitive comments over the years from intelligent, well-educated people. Abby, I'd like to add a few more things to your list of "The 10 Worst Things to Say to an Infertile Couple":

1. "Are you barren? Or is your husband shooting blanks?"

2. "When God closes a door, he opens a window."

3. "Your husband should try wearing boxer shorts."

4. "Try standing on your head for several minutes after lovemaking. They say gravity is the key to conceiving."

Sign me ... INCONCEIVABLE IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion on a family matter. Our family has always been close-knit.

My sister died at 57. "Wayne," her husband of more than 30 years, subsequently remarried.

Recently I introduced them as "my brother-in-law and his wife, Jo Ann."

Twice she has corrected me publicly, saying, "He WAS your brother-in-law."

Abby, in my opinion Wayne will be my brother-in-law always.

Of course, I could be more specific and introduce his wife as "his second wife, Jo Ann," but I hope she doesn't push me to that point. -- NAMELESS, OF COURSE

DEAR NAMELESS: A marriage is more than the joining of two individuals. In many cases it's also the joining of families. And the promise "Till death do us part" doesn't always end with the death of a spouse.

A frank talk with Wayne about how you feel might help. Also, ask him how HE wants to be introduced. Reacting with hostility to this petty, insecure woman will only escalate your problem.

DEAR ABBY: My brother recently passed away, leaving his widow financially comfortable. She didn't have many friends, so I tried to spend as much time with her as possible. We planned a trip together, and in order to get to the airport for an early morning departure, I invited her to spend the night at my house. I gave her my bedroom and slept on the couch in another room so she could have her privacy.

After the trip was over, I discovered that she had broken my favorite crystal figurine, without mentioning it to me. Also, an overnight bag was missing from my closet.

In the past, she has been known to remove photos from our family albums. Also, she was once fired from her job for stealing, but we all believed that she had been unjustly accused. (Now we have our doubts.)

I fear that confronting her will cause a rift in our families, as I am quite certain that her children and grandchildren are not aware of her light-fingered habits.

Abby, I am worried about her. How can I help her? -- NO NAME, INITIALS OR CITY

DEAR NO NAME: You can help her by handing her this letter and suggesting (with love -- not incrimination) that she get professional help. You would be doing her an enormous favor. Trust me.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After two divorces, I thought I had had my fill of marriage -- little did I know.

At a New Year's Eve party, I met Edna, a beautiful widow. She had three children, ages 4, 8 and 12.

When I started dating her, all my friends screamed, "Jim, are you out of your mind? She has three kids!"

Well, love is not only blind, it's also deaf. So, to make a long story short, I asked her to marry me and she replied, "Is tomorrow too soon?"

Edna and I had 40 years of wedded bliss when the good Lord took her to heaven.

I just celebrated my 87th birthday, am in excellent health and live in a beautiful retirement home in Florida. My children and grandchildren overwhelm me with long-distance telephone calls, letters and gifts. I don't want to bore you, but the point of this letter is: Just because a man has two strikes against him doesn't mean he's out. -- JIMMY WOODWARD

DEAR JIMMY: Thanks for a letter that may inspire others to realize that with a little bit of luck and the willingness to try, they can be winners, too.

DEAR ABBY: Your comment on "Larry King Live" recently was very disturbing. When someone called in and asked you if sex on the first date was OK, you replied, "Why not?" -- BETTY BOZARD, GREENWOOD, S.C.

DEAR BETTY: Thank you for writing. I understood the question to be: "Is a KISS on the first date OK?"

Never would I approve of sex on the first date, or the second or even the third date.

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed your column for many years -- your wisdom has helped me a great deal. I would like to share an article that was read to us parents at a recent Fitchburg State College football banquet by one of the trainers. -- A CONCERNED PARENT, BOSTON

DEAR PARENT: Thanks for sharing a perceptive essay from which we can all benefit:

BE CAREFUL

Be careful of your thoughts

For your thoughts become your words.

Be careful of your words

For your words become your actions.

Be careful of your actions

For your actions become your habits.

Be careful of your habits

For your habits become your character.

Be careful of your character

For your character becomes your destiny.

-- AUTHOR UNKNOWN

DEAR READERS: A truism: "An optimist is the kind of person who believes that a housefly is looking for a way to get out." -- GEORGE JEAN NATHAN

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)