DEAR READERS: A Happy St. Patrick's Day to all you proud Irishmen and Irish women -- and Irish children, too.

I confess I didn't know very much about Saint Patrick, after whom this special day is named, so I did a little research and came up with some interesting and rather astonishing facts.

St. Patrick was not Irish -- he was a Roman, and his name was Patricious Magonus. (His father was Calpurnius, a tax collector, and his mother was English.) The family lived in Britain in the fifth century.

Their district was raided by pirates when Patricious was 16, and he was part of a group taken to Ireland and sold into slavery. He spent the next six years working as a swineherd, praying for freedom, and finally escaped.

During his captivity, he had developed a love of Ireland and its people. He went on to become a priest, then a bishop, and returned to do missionary work there. He is credited with converting the Irish from paganism to Christianity. According to legend, Patrick drove the snakes of Ireland into the sea, and used a green shamrock to explain the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Ghost) to the Irish.

Centuries later, the first St. Patrick's Day celebration in the United States was held in 1737 in Boston, which had the largest Irish population in the United States.

Today, more than 100 cities across the nation celebrate St. Patrick's Day with parades, songfests, food and drink. The Chicago River in Chicago is dyed green by Midwestern leprechauns.

Irish-Americans celebrate St. Patrick's Day by wearing shamrocks, or something else green. I have a large green shamrock-shaped pin on which is printed "KISS ME -- I'M IRISH," because, as the saying goes, "On St. Patrick's Day, EVERYONE is a little bit Irish."

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the lady who's on AFDC, who has noticed that "many jobs require people to speak Spanish," and who cannot find a job.

My question is: What is she doing with her 40 hours a week now, to make her more employable in the workplace tomorrow? Is she learning Spanish? Is she honing her grammar-spelling-typing-math skills? While she's playing bingo, is she getting to know people there who might have children in business who are currently hiring? Is she revisiting the places where she applied for work so they can get to know her and know that she's still available? Or, in between job interviews, is she sitting around watching TV?

Fresno has a wonderful library system where, for free, she can check out books and tapes on just about every subject. I've seen language tapes in thrift stores for 50 cents and textbooks for a quarter. California has an excellent community college system, with special programs for poverty-level people.

My question for any welfare recipient is, "What steps are you taking to get off welfare?" -- ONE WHO LEARNED TO BE A GO-GETTER, SUSANVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR GO-GETTER: A good question. Thank you for a letter that could be a lifeline to those struggling to get out of the unemployment pool.

I have been informed that most community colleges have programs similar to those in California.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I'm at my wit's end.

My husband (I'll call him Herman) is a retired builder who likes to putter. We just moved to Florida and live in a lovely neighborhood. My problem is everyone, no matter where we go, seems to think that Herman is his maintenance man.

Abby, my husband gets dizzy spells! Our neighbor, who's the same age, often asks Herman to fix his roof, hang his Christmas lights or cut his palm trees. He doesn't give us a moment's peace.

We came down here to retire, not so Herman could be everyone's free maintenance man.

If we go on vacation to visit his family in Canada, the same things happen. It's no vacation. My poor husband comes home exhausted and aching and has to be in bed by 6:30.

I've had it. I'm ready to explode. If I say anything, Herman gets mad.

If people can afford to live in Florida, they can afford to pay someone to do the work. We don't need the money. We need the peace of mind. Herman says we need friends. I'm happy with the ones we have. Your thoughts, please? -- FORMER SNOWBIRD

DEAR FORMER SNOWBIRD: Your husband sounds like a sweetheart, but he shouldn't confuse free handyman services with friendship. No one who values his friendship would ask him to risk injuring himself.

Since Herman won't listen to you, a word of caution from his doctor might help. Tell his physician that despite his dizzy spells, your husband continues to do high-altitude handiwork.

If that doesn't succeed, the next time the neighbor asks your husband to do something he shouldn't, cheerfully inquire about how much insurance coverage he's carrying -- in case someone who's been having dizzy spells should fall off his roof or out of his tree.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent letter written by "Miserable in Missouri," the husband kept telling his wife, "My mom didn't do it that way."

I am 88 years old and have kept this poem for more years than I can count. It carries the same message:

"He didn't like my pudding

"And he didn't like my cake.

"My biscuits were too hard.

"Not like his mother used to bake.

"I didn't perk the coffee

"And I didn't make the stew,

"I didn't mend his socks

"Like his mother used to do.

"As I pondered for an answer

"I was looking for a clue.

"So I turned and boxed his ears,

"Like his mother used to do."

Abby, I enjoy your letters and remarks, and often take them to the senior center and share them with others. -- MARION V. COLLINS, MILTON, DEL.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have kept a letter you ran in Newsday (New York) on Aug. 20, 1982, and believe it is even more appropriate today.

If you agree, please consider rerunning it.-- JACK PLETMAN, HUNTINGTON STATION, N.Y.

DEAR MR. PLETMAN: I agree. Thank you for sending it.

DEAR ABBY: This is a letter I would like my neighbors to see. Perhaps your column will reach them:

"Dear Neighbors: I am reminiscing today over the 25 years that we have been your neighbors. When we moved here from out of state, we waited for you to welcome us. You never did.

"We are a decent, respectable family. Maybe our children were a little noisy at times, and our grass was uncut once in a while, and our religion was different from yours -- so you ignored us.

"Events in our lives -- births, graduations, weddings, deaths -- came and went with no acknowledgments from you.

"Now that we are all old and the children are gone from the street, shall we be hypocritical and mourn your deaths, or regret your moving?

"I think not. We are all poorer for having ignored one another, but we survived. May our children extend the hand of friendship to their neighbors." -- AGNES IN CULVER CITY, CALIF.

DEAR AGNES: What's done is done, but times have changed. Neighbors need each other today for security as well as for the sake of old-fashioned friendship.

This is a plea for people to reach out and offer their friendship to the newcomers in the neighborhood. And if the welcome is slow in coming, the newcomers should initiate the dialogue.

Nothing separates like silence.

DEAR ABBY: "Steve" and I have been married for three years. I'm 37 and Steve is 30. Steve told me right off the bat that he did not want children. (I was ambivalent.)

Recently I asked him to get a vasectomy as some of his friends have done, because I'm tired of the cost of the pill as well as its side effects, and a vasectomy is easier than female sterilization. Steve absolutely refused even to discuss it with me, much less with a counselor.

Abby, now I'm worried that in a few years down the line he could divorce me and have children with a younger woman, but I'd be too old to get married again and have children.

Is Steve just using me for sex and companionship until he reaches the financial peak of his career?

I am considering getting pregnant "accidentally" so that even if we got divorced, I'd have some child support coming in. What should I do? -- ANXIOUS IN ST. PAUL

DEAR ANXIOUS: The questions you have raised indicate that your marriage is on shaky ground. A marriage without trust is no marriage at all. It is possible that your husband is afraid that a vasectomy will be painful, or somehow make him "less of a man." It is imperative that you and Steve reach an understanding about this. "Accidentally" getting pregnant will only worsen the situation.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)