DEAR ABBY: I would like to address the contention that books, TV and the movies are corrupting today's citizens -- especially its youth.

If that is so, please tell me what books Cain read before he murdered his brother Abel. What soap opera did Lot's two daughters watch that influenced them to get their father drunk and commit incest? And what vile movie prompted the woman at the well to take up a life of dissolution?

The media reflect human mores and values, not influence them. When I was a boy of 8 or 9, I knew all the "facts of life," which were given to me crudely, by the "big boys" of the village of perhaps 200 souls, who were churchgoing people almost to a man. There were no daily newspapers, movies only occasionally, no TV, and only one radio in the village. So where did we hear of sex, violence and profanity? From our peers! It has always been thus. The media do not set the trends -- they follow them.

If no one bought tobacco, apples or potatoes, no farmer would raise them. If there were no demand for smut, no one would go to the expense of providing it, because without profit, there is no incentive. Much of America has come to expect or demand sex, violence and profanity; thus we have it. Trendsetters are usually friends among us. -- HOWARD CHILDRESS, MURFREESBORO, TENN.

DEAR MR. CHILDRESS: There is no denying the truth in your observations. Thank you for writing -- I appreciate your common sense. You've been contributing to this column almost as long as I have been writing it.

Take good care of yourself, Howard. I need you.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter in your column from Polly Schrock, asking about couples who had lived 100 years or longer, I had to write.

Our friends and neighbors, who lived one mile from us for years, lived longer than that.

W.A. Fullingim lived to be 110 years old. He was born July 7, 1855, in Mount Vernon, Texas, and died Aug. 6, 1965, in Lawton, Okla. On his 100th birthday, I baked him a chiffon cake, and I subsequently baked him 11 more until his death.

His wife, Nancy Ellen Fullingim, lived to be 103 years old. She was born Nov. 1, 1860, in Decatur, Texas, and died on April 25, 1964. (I made four cakes for her, starting when she was 100 years old.)

The Fullingims had celebrated their 84th wedding anniversary in August 1963. They lived on their ranch in western Comanche County from 1917 until their deaths. They are buried in Lawton. They had three children and three grandchildren, but no great-grandchildren. The immediate family is gone. -- DELORES CALLEN, HOBART, OKLA.

DEAR DELORES: Thank you for the input. I'll be very surprised if anyone can beat the Fullingims' record for longevity or marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting on in years and have been widowed since 1986. I have many nice things and wonder if I should give them to my children now, so they can enjoy them. I have little use for these lovely things, and there is more chance of them being stolen if I keep them.

What should I do? -- WONDERING IN MISSOURI

DEAR WONDERING: I once answered that question this way: Do your givin'

While you're livin'

And you'll be knowin'

Where it's goin'.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It is important to remember that the funds which are raised through legitimate telemarketing are the lifeblood for many major nonprofit organizations. As president of the American Telephone Fundraisers Association, I applaud the FTC rule that helps people fight back against criminals who use telephones to cheat people.

I'd like to offer your readers a few tips to distinguish legitimate telemarketers from scam artists. The following are tips for making telephone donations.

1. Give because you believe in the cause, the charity or organization. Good telemarketers never pressure or threaten those they phone for donations.

2. Be wary of the "too-good-to-be-true" pitches. Legitimate telemarketers do not offer valuable rewards or gifts.

3. If concerned, ask for identification. Legitimate marketing companies welcome verification calls from potential donors.

4. When in doubt, ask for information in writing. Professional telemarketers are sympathetic to questions and won't hesitate to provide written information about the charity they represent.

5. Ask questions. Don't be shy about inquiring how the donation will be used. Professional telemarketers have thorough knowledge of the charity they represent and will provide that information on demand.

6. Ask if the telemarketing firm is a member of any telemarketing trade association. Firms belonging to the American Telephone Fundraisers Association follow the industry's most stringent code of ethics, and their telemarketers will be aware of their company's membership. -- RALPH REESE, PITTSBURGH

DEAR MR. REESE: I am sure my readers will appreciate knowing they need not be intimidated by telemarketers. Thank you for a valuable letter -- one that's well worth posting near the telephone.

DEAR ABBY: Some of your readers complain about junk mail and want to know how to stop it. Abby, not everyone is disgusted with junk mail. The complainers should look at the broader picture.

The primary problem today in the United States is unemployment. Think about it -- if you eliminate junk mail, how many people will be out of work? Because of this mail, more postal workers are needed. Don't forget clerks, printers, lumberjacks and factory workers to produce products sold by mail, and copywriters, photographers, truckers, computer operators, and on and on. Entire businesses exist only because of this method of marketing. Need I go on?

Many people like me enjoy getting mail and ordering from home. When I receive junk mail I don't want, it goes in the recycle bin (yet another business that exists because of junk mail).

As to the environmental arguments, I believe most mail-order businesses use a great deal of recycled paper.

I vote to keep junk mail coming and more people working. -- E.A.T. IN GARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR E.A.T.: True optimists like you see the silver lining behind every cloud. You are outnumbered, but some of your arguments make sense.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would appreciate your advice on a problem that has been a nightmare for me. My husband is in prison. He will be serving time for the next 10 to 15 years for a crime he did not commit. My biggest problem has been how to deal with our two children, who are 6 and 8.

They have been very close to their father, and for the past year, they have sort of "accepted" his absence because I told them he's away on a business trip and will be home soon. They talk to him on the phone once a week. I am now considering going back to my country with the kids where I'll be closer to my family and friends.

Should I tell my kids that their dad can't come with us because he can't leave his business? Or should I tell them the truth?

I fear they will be unable to handle the truth at their ages. They think prison is a place for "bad" people, and I'm afraid it will kill them to find out that's where their dad is. Also, what will they say to their classmates if others ask them, "Where is your father?"

My instinct is to hold off until my kids are old enough to handle the situation. But if I wait, will they resent me for not telling them sooner? If I lie to our kids, I couldn't bring them with me to visit their father.

I love my husband very much and have to deal with this pain, too. But deceiving my children is the deepest hurt of all. Please don't print my real name if you put this in your column. -- A CANADIAN READER

DEAR CANADIAN READER: To quote Sir Walter Scott, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" I urge you to tell your children that their father has been sent to prison for a crime he did not commit.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 36-year-old married woman. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. I have everything I want in life, except for the fact that we live far away from our families and friends, although we see them often.

When I get together with old friends, I become very nostalgic and have the urge to get in touch with one of my old boyfriends.

Abby, is there anything wrong with this? Is there anything wrong with wanting to know how he is and what he has done with his life? -- NOSTALGIC IN SPRINGFIELD, VA.

DEAR NOSTALGIC: It is only natural to let your mind wander back to the years when you were footloose and fancy-free -- and even romantically involved with someone else. Getting in touch with an old "flame" may seem innocent, but it could start a fire that is not easily extinguished.

Play it safe -- steer clear of old flames and you'll never get singed.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is dating a 28-year-old man who was picked up for indecent exposure about two weeks ago. This is the second time, according to police. My daughter has two young children, and I'm afraid she may leave them alone with him.

Abby, is he a danger to the children? Please answer soon. He doesn't have a court date as yet. -- GRANDMOTHER IN UTICA, MICH.

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: Let me put it this way: If there is any question in your mind or your daughter's -- the children should NOT be left alone with this man.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)