DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had our first child, a boy, last fall. We were both very happy because the baby is healthy and we had wanted a family since our marriage four years ago. We enjoyed shopping for baby clothes and furniture. My husband, "Chris," was gentle and supportive throughout my pregnancy, and was at my side during labor and delivery.
By choice, I took four months off work and only returned part time until the baby is older. Shortly after the baby was born, I noticed that Chris was moody and constantly on edge, but I let it pass. When it became medically possible to resume our sex life, he did not seem eager. (We have always had an active love life.)
Chris refuses to feed or diaper our child, but often complains that the baby "smells bad." He finds fault with my housekeeping and cooking. He sits in front of the television barely speaking, or "goes out with the boys" after work, which is very out of character.
He calls me "tubby" and says I should get in shape, which has almost brought me to tears. Abby, I gained only 13 pounds during the pregnancy, most of which I left at the hospital. I am 5 feet 6 inches and weigh 118 pounds, less than I weighed at our wedding.
When I confronted Chris, he said he is sorry, but he no longer finds me appealing or attractive because I am now a mother! I am hurt and shocked beyond words. I do not know what to do. I do not want my son to grow up with divorced parents, and despite all this, I still love Chris. Yet he has become a complete stranger. I cannot reach him.
What can I do to save my marriage? (Please, no state or town.) -- DIANA X
DEAR DIANA X: You are a mother, true. But you are not HIS mother, which is something that your husband may be unconsciously troubled about. He needs psychotherapy.