DEAR ABBY: Congratulations to "Abnormal in California," the 34-year-old bachelor who lost 100 pounds and wonders where the women he's now dating were when he was fat and alone.

Perhaps he should look to women who understand what he's been through -- those who may be sitting at home feeling rejected and alone because they are overweight.

If he doesn't consider a fat woman worthy of his time, then he's doing the same thing he accuses the women of doing to him. -- A DULUTH, MINN., READER

DEAR DULUTH READER: You make a valid point. "Abnormal" has a special understanding to offer women whose social lives are suffering because of their weight. I was inundated with letters from readers who shared their painful experiences. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In reference to "Abnormal in California": I, too, was overweight during my childhood and teen-age years. After painful harassment and great struggle, I finally lost the weight. Suddenly, I miraculously fit into the socially acceptable world, even though nothing else about me had changed. I had the same personality, moral standards and sense of humor I had when I was heavy.

Although being overweight is unhealthy, it doesn't mean an overweight person is not worth knowing.

Unfortunately, we live in a "visual" world where people cannot see us for what we are inside.

Perhaps "Abnormal in California" should consider dating overweight women instead of those with "body perfect" figures. He could then be sure they would have something in common with him, and they could see each other for who they really are.

My husband is overweight, and he is the most wonderful friend and companion a woman could have. -- C.A.A. IN DELAWARE

DEAR ABBY: Recently I left a pot of rice on the stove too long. By the time I remembered it, the pot was smoking. Last week, a friend of mine accidentally started a grease fire in her kitchen. I heard many tragic news reports over the holidays about Christmas trees causing fires and heartbreak in what should have been a joyful season.

Abby, I'd like to pass on a suggestion that was made to me after my close call with the rice: Every home should have at least one fire extinguisher. The new ones are inexpensive and come with easy-to-follow instructions. Learn how to use it as soon as you get it home, then put it in plain sight. If you buy only one, the kitchen is the best place to keep it.

I have decided to purchase fire extinguishers as gifts for the weddings, housewarmings and graduations I know I'll be invited to this year. What better way to say, "I care about you"?

Thanks, Abby, for printing my letter and for the love and concern you have shown for others over the years. -- WISER NOW

DEAR WISER: Thank you for a practical suggestion that may save lives. Fire extinguishers should not be considered a replacement for smoke detectors, but rather as an additional important tool for home fire prevention.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Recently my sweetheart left all his credit cards, two checkbooks and $300 in cash in the basket of a shopping cart in the parking lot of a large supermarket. This was in a poor neighborhood with a high unemployment rate where many people are living on the ragged edge of poverty.

Two hours later, with little hope of recovering his money and credit cards, he went back to the store. Imagine his surprise to learn that somebody had turned in his credit cards, checkbooks and the $300 in cash!

In Keaau, Hawaii, where this occurred, they call it "the Aloha spirit"; in the rest of the country, we call it human dignity and integrity. -- L.P., OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR L.: Thank you for a letter that reinforces the fact that there are still people in this world with integrity.

How unfortunate that the person who turned in the checkbooks, credit cards and cash didn't leave his or her name or telephone number in order to receive a thank-you or a well-deserved reward.

DEAR ABBY: About eight months ago, I started dating a man I'll call Wayne. He had been divorced for two years and told me I was the first woman he had dated since his divorce.

Soon after we started having sex, I had a gynecological exam that showed that I had chlamydia. When I told Wayne, he said he got it from his ex-wife. He also said the doctor told him chlamydia can remain dormant for years.

Wayne is 16 years older than I am. I love him, but I don't know what to think about this disease and our future together. Please help me. -- NO NAME

DEAR NO NAME: Chlamydia is treatable, so it should not prevent you from having a future with the man you love.

As I have written in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," chlamydia, herpes and genital warts are the three most common sexually transmitted diseases. Chlamydia is the No. 1 sexually transmitted bacterial infection in the United States. It's conservatively estimated that 3 million to 4 million people get it every year.

Fifty percent of its victims experience no symptoms until months or years later, when they develop complications. The only way many learn they have chlamydia is from a partner who is sufficiently responsible and mature to inform them that they have been exposed and should be tested.

A male may notice a discharge or a burning and itching sensation when urinating.

The symptoms in women can be vaginal discharge, itching or unusual pain and/or low-grade fever. If you suspect you have chlamydia, be tested by a doctor. It is treatable, but the doctor's instructions must be followed to the letter. A follow-up examination is necessary to be certain that the cure is complete.

To prevent reinfection and complications, your partner(s) must be tested even if there are no symptoms.

Chlamydia can be avoided by abstinence or the use of a condom.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This concerns all those letters in response to "Hurt Mother-in-Law," whose daughter-in-law couldn't call her "Mom."

In my case, I wanted with all my heart to call my mother-in-law "Mom." She didn't ask me to, so I came right out and asked my in-laws if I could call them "Mom" and "Dad."

They said it was OK with them, but every time I did, they looked uncomfortable, so I quit calling them Mom and Dad and started calling them by their first names. Well, I could see they weren't pleased with that either, so I just gave up and avoided calling them anything.

They are very undemonstrative and never hug or kiss each other in public. They kiss above their grandchildren's heads when they greet them. This is foreign to me because I grew up in a very affectionate family. However, my husband didn't, although he shows me lots of affection in private.

Abby, is there a solution to this problem? Or must I learn to live with it? -- FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Don't try to "teach" your in-laws to be more demonstrative or affectionate; just be grateful that your husband shows you "lots of affection" in private.

Continue to be affectionate to your children. However, never order them to kiss Grandma, Grandpa or anyone else. Insincere kisses give children the wrong message.

The way to teach children to be affectionate is to show them affection.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 59. My father was 74 when he died last year. They had been married for 40 years. When they met, my mother was 19, and Father was a 34-year-old widower with a 4-year-old son I'll call Max.

When Dad died, Mom went to a grief counselor who told her to "go for it." Nine months later, Mom moved Max into her bedroom! Max is my half-brother, but technically he is not a blood relative to my mother.

I thought it showed terrible judgment on her part when she had him move in with her, and most of my relatives agreed. After all, Max had been my mother's stepson for 40 years.

Abby, is our society so morally bankrupt that this is considered OK? Max is 44 and has been married five times. -- MORTIFIED

DEAR MORTIFIED: Let me put it this way: In at least 15 states, marriage between "step" relatives is prohibited by law. And in the other 35, I'm willing to bet that the behavior exhibited by your mother would raise eyebrows. However, both are adults, and neither one has solicited my advice.

DEAR ABBY: I've been following the letters from job-holding and at-home mothers, each of whom is critical or envious of the other.

Isn't it time to declare that parenting is just plain difficult? If there were a way to raise kids to ensure that they'll turn out to be happy, well-adjusted adults, we would have noticed by now.

Let's stop wasting time and join our efforts to make a better place to raise children. Give parents more help and respect, make our schools great and our streets safe. Let's applaud mothers who go out and work to support our economy, as well as those who stay at home and keep the neighborhood alive.

We're all in this together. -- DIANE E. BAKER, BERKELEY, CALIF.

DEAR DIANE: Thank you for a levelheaded letter. You said a mouthful.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)