DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a few of your readers shared the effects of their allergies. Unfortunately, an estimated 60 million Americans suffer from some type of allergy, including hay fever, eczema, hives, contact dermatitis, and allergies to foods such as eggs, milk, nuts and seafood.

People with allergies have super-sensitive immune systems that react to seemingly harmless substances. The most common of these include plant pollen, dust mites, cockroaches, stinging insects, animal dander, mold and mildew. Multiple sensitivities are common, and many people with allergies are also sensitive to irritants -- tiny airborne particles that irritate the nose, eyes and lungs. Common irritants include strong fumes from perfume, cleaning fluids, wood smoke and cigarette smoke.

Many people are unaware of the link between allergies and asthma, which is a serious and sometimes life-threatening disease. In approximately 70 percent of the 13 million Americans with asthma, allergy is the primary trigger. The asthma death-rate in the United States is more than 5,000 per year, and growing -- especially in urban communities and among children and the elderly.

Asthma is characterized by an inflammation and/or an obstruction of the airways. Symptoms vary, and may include coughing, wheezing, shortness of breath, chest tightness or excessive mucus. In addition to allergies, asthma can be triggered by respiratory infections, exercise and dry, cold air.

The fact that asthma and allergies are so common causes their impact to be overlooked or trivialized. If you suspect you have asthma or allergies, see a doctor for a proper diagnosis. You can help your doctor by keeping a diary of your symptoms and the circumstances when reactions occurred. Your doctor can conduct tests that may confirm your suspicions. Asthma and allergies can be controlled by eliminating allergens at home, work and school, and by strictly adhering to a medical treatment plan that may include regular medication. -- DAWN MARVIN, ASTHMA AND ALLERGY FOUNDATION OF AMERICA

DEAR DAWN: Thank you for an important letter and for pointing out the seriousness of allergies and asthma. Readers, lest you think that Ms. Marvin is overstating her case, read on for a letter I recently received:

DEAR ABBY: About three months ago, "Barbara," a special friend of mine, went into a coma. A week later, she was declared brain-dead. She died on Nov. 13, 1995.

Many people have asked me if she died in a car accident. The truth is, she had an asthma attack. Yes, asthma! Other than having asthma, Barbara was a healthy 19-year-old woman. Not many people, including myself, realized that asthma is a serious disease.

However, some good came from Barbara's death. All of her organs were donated, so other people were given a chance at life. Consequently, Barbara will live on.

Abby, please tell me where I can get more information on this potentially deadly disease. -- HER GRIEVING FRIEND IN GERMANY

DEAR GRIEVING FRIEND: Your letter will surely be an eye-opener for many of my readers, as it was for me.

To obtain a free packet of information about allergies and asthma, contact the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, 1125 15th St. N.W., No. 502, Washington, D.C. 20005, or call the toll-free information line: 1-800-7-ASTHMA (727-8462). (Please allow three to five weeks for delivery.)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I lost my mother several months ago after a lengthy illness. She and Dad had a beautiful marriage that spanned almost 50 years. I never heard them say an angry word to each other.

While sorting through some of Mother's papers, I came across the enclosed "Rules for a Happy Marriage." I don't know where she got it or how long she had it, but the list contains some excellent advice. I hope you'll think it's worth sharing with your readers. -- MARLENE'S DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: I do. Thank you for sending it.

RULES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1. Never both be angry at the same time.

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.

4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.

5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.

6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

8. At least once every day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner.

9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.

10. It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong usually is the one who does the most talking.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, our 4-year-old daughter, "Betsy," and I went to my in-laws' for dinner recently. Within 30 minutes of our arrival, my mother-in-law had called her husband "stupid" and "dummy." Everyone heard it, including Betsy. Now, she uses those words when speaking of her grandfather.

My wife tolerates her mother's behavior, but I find it humiliating to witness. At home I am able to discipline Betsy, but I don't want to have to discipline her when she's at her grandmother's.

I have mentioned this to my in-laws on several occasions, but the situation recurs. We live only a few blocks from them and frequently eat together. Should we sell our house and move 10 or 20 miles away? -- A FATHER IN TACOMA

DEAR FATHER: Moving should not be necessary. Talk to your mother-in-law again, and make it clear that her name-calling sets a very bad example for her grandchild. If your suggestion falls on deaf ears and she continues the name-calling, just limit your daughter's exposure to her grandmother.

DEAR READERS: Concerning finding a mate: Friends of Edna Ferber, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, could not understand why she had remained single over the years.

"Surely, you must have met someone you would have married," suggested a friend.

"I have," admitted the famed novelist, "and I met one man who would have married me ... but unfortunately it wasn't the same man."

HIGHWAY SNOBBERY: "In Boston, they ask, 'How much does he know?' In New York, they ask, 'How much is he worth?' In Philadelphia, they ask, 'Who were his parents?'" -- MARK TWAIN

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

ed.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is very hard to talk to, but she reads your column faithfully, so maybe she will recognize herself. Mother wonders why I enjoy spending so much time with my in-laws. Here are a few reasons:

My in-laws do not criticize me every time they see me. They don't say I look fat, my clothes are not appropriate or my hairstyle is outdated. My in-laws don't point out everything I do wrong with my children; they say I'm doing a good job and I should be proud of myself. (I am.)

My in-laws understand when I have to split holidays between them and my parents. They actually enjoy spending time with their grandchildren -- attending ball games, school plays and kids' birthday parties, and they don't act like it's a burden or an annoyance to baby-sit. Most of all, they listen when I talk.

Abby, I would give anything to have a good relationship with my parents. Believe me, I've tried, but they are so self-righteous and set in their own ways, they really don't know me. Even though we live very close to them and see them often, I still feel like I'm a million miles away.

Thanks for listening, Abby. I just thought instead of crying this time, I'd share my thoughts with you. Maybe other readers have gone through this, too. -- DEPRESSED DAUGHTER

DEAR DEPRESSED: On the chance that your mother misses this column, it might be a good idea for you to READ it to her. She needs to hear from you how hurt you are ... and why.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the comments made by Dr. Charles F. Downen and Kimberly Carter regarding "Defensive Driver in International Falls, Minn."

I am one of those careless smokers who toss cigarette butts out of the car window. Usually it's because I am driving. To avoid taking my eyes off the road while putting my cigarette out, I simply toss it from my window.

Until today, I never considered that my actions could be harmful to others. But thanks to you and your commitment in allowing readers to share their experiences through your column, I am now aware of my irresponsible behavior.

To all my fellow drivers, I say, "I'm sorry."

Drivers who complain about cigarette butts are not "hatemongers" -- they are people with a genuine concern for the safety of themselves and others.

I hope other drivers with the same habit realize the possible consequences and refrain from this behavior. You may use my name ... MICHELLE MDODANA, VAN NUYS, CALIF.

DEAR MICHELLE: Thank you for your honest letter. I, too, hope that drivers who carelessly toss cigarette butts will realize how dangerous this habit can be.

DEAR ABBY: Your Clovis reader's mother-in-law had the right idea when she had everyone sign and date the holiday tablecloth.

My parents do the same, and every time a special family dinner occurs, the tablecloth is spread! New guests add their names and the date. (No fair signing twice!)

You should see it now! It's more embroidered than white, and it's a delight to reminisce over 30 years of family reunions. -- KEITH ENSMINGER, MERCED, CALIF.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)