DEAR ABBY: I recently suffered from a serious depression. I was so depressed that thoughts of self-destruction were almost impossible to get out of my mind. I cried all the time and was paranoid about everything and everybody. I felt I couldn't do or say anything right. I thought I had nothing to live for. What a helpless feeling!

My mother and two of my friends insisted that I have my thyroid gland checked. My doctor didn't think a thyroid evaluation was necessary because I didn't have the usual physical symptoms. She wanted to prescribe anti-depressants. However, when I insisted, she agreed to do the thyroid function test.

A couple of days later, she called and prescribed medication to treat my thyroid problem. She also congratulated me for insisting on the test.

If I had not asked for the thyroid test, I would be taking anti-depressants and still be physically sick. Perhaps others who struggle with depression are really suffering from thyroid disorder. -- FEELING BETTER IN ATLANTA

DEAR CONCERNED: I would like to think that those who are on anti-depressants have been first evaluated for physical disorders. However, if they haven't been, perhaps your letter will give them the courage to insist on testing to determine if there is a physical cause for their depression -- which can be caused by a thyroid condition. Depression can also be caused by certain prescription medications, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia (pain in the muscles, ligaments and tendons), and even lack of sleep.

Before any anti-depressants are dispensed, a complete medical evaluation -- including blood tests that would reveal a thyroid problem -- should be performed by a qualified physician.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother. Please tell your readers that not all of us on welfare are freeloaders.

I have been on welfare since August 1992. For the past two years, I have tried to get off.

My grandmother sees the stress I'm dealing with every day, and she sometimes takes me to play bingo. The few times I've gone, I have heard remarks such as, "How can people on welfare afford to go to bingo?"

Abby, I have applied for jobs -- sometimes three or four times at the same place -- but I am not called. I have no car, so it would be almost impossible to get to some jobs. On AFDC, I receive $490 a month and $140 in food stamps. I pay $400 for rent and another $60 for utilities. I have no phone, so my mom lets me use hers as a message phone.

Many jobs require people to speak Spanish. I speak only English. Until people who trash us walk in our shoes a while, I wish they'd lay off. -- ELIZABETH B. IN FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR ELIZABETH: Although some individuals may take advantage of the system, I'm sure the vast majority of those on welfare would gladly work if they could find jobs that paid a living wage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband needs to be on oxygen all the time. He has a portable tank for when we go out, but it's too cumbersome for him to manage by himself.

When we are in a restaurant and he needs to use the restroom, what should I do? Should I take him to the ladies' room with me? Should I go to the men's room with him? Should I ask the waiter or some other male service person to accompany him?

What is the polite or socially acceptable course of action? Please don't use my name. -- FLORIDA WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Have your husband ask a male employee if there is some man who could help him to the bathroom and assist him to return.

DEAR READERS: Credit Charlie Reinke (L.A. Times) with this one: "For Christmas, I got a great exercise machine. It came with its own dust and cobwebs already on it."

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You recently published a letter praising divorced fathers who sent child support checks faithfully. Then I saw a letter in your column saying that those fathers were merely doing their legal duty.

Well, Abby, what about divorced fathers who do everything possible to stay in their child's life?

I am 13 years old, and my parents have been divorced for 10 years. Dad still lives in Chicago, but he calls me every single Saturday morning just to talk. He has done this as far back as I can remember.

He never forgets cards for all the holidays, and in between, he writes friendly letters. I visit him almost every holiday and in the summer, too.

He never says anything mean about Mom.

One letter in your column seemed to say that the only thing divorced fathers do is fill out the check every month. That simply is not true. -- JANET REECE IN CINCINNATI

DEAR JANET: Here's a round of applause for all those fathers who keep a loving relationship with their children. And another round of applause for a mature and gracious 13-year-old who is undoubtedly a credit to both her parents.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who calls me occasionally, and I have found out that every time we talk, her husband listens in on the conversation. She doesn't think there is anything wrong with this, but I think it is rude and inconsiderate. When I sense that he is on the phone, I will usually say something like, "Has Tom hung up, or is he still on the line?"

For that reason, I have stopped calling her unless it is something very important. Perhaps I am being overly sensitive, but if I wanted to talk to the husband, I would ask for him. What do you think of grown people who act this way?

We have read your column for many years and I feel that if you respond in the paper, they would certainly read it. Sometimes it is the little things that ruin a wonderful friendship. -- OVERHEARD AND HATING IT

DEAR OVERHEARD: Grown people who listen in on the conversations of others are childish, nosy and rude. Please write again and let me know if Tom and his wife recognize themselves.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering what to say to solicitors when they come to the door. My mom is usually busy doing something and my father works upstairs at home.

I'm 11 years old, so I don't want to seem disrespectful by saying, "We're not interested" and slamming the door in their faces. What should I do? -- WONDERING GIRL IN PASADENA

DEAR WONDERING: Never open the door to a stranger. It is permissible to ask the solicitor, through a closed door, to identify him or herself. If your parents have no interest in the product, say, "No thank you." The solicitor will get the message.

Children should be told that under no circumstances should they tell a stranger, "My mother isn't home."

DEAR ABBY: A Mrs. Bierstein wrote about her wonderful life in a retirement center, and you responded that in several European countries, similar facilities were available to most seniors at little or no cost. That is true, and it would be wonderful if we could have them too, but please tell the other side of the story.

In such countries, average people pay about half their income in taxes, some medical treatments are denied due to cost, medical advancements seldom keep pace with ours, and their governments are drowning in seas of red ink -- even more than our own government.

Simply put, "There isn't any free lunch!" Sign me ... TEXAS TAXPAYER

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The Long Island woman who was devastated because her Jewish daughter indicated she may become Catholic should take comfort that Catholics are free to do whatever Jesus did. Jesus of Nazareth was a Jew who regularly went to synagogue and often led the services. He strictly observed the commandments and celebrated all the Jewish holidays. Any Catholic may go to temple, join the Hanukkah festivities, host or attend a Seder, etc.

In so doing, the Catholic is not "being Jewish." Catholics have not traditionally celebrated the Jewish holidays because for centuries Jews and Catholics saw one another as adversaries.

Today Jews and Catholics realize that they share the heritage of the Hebrew Scriptures and that they can best resist the rapid disappearance of all religion from public life by working in harmony. It is Catholic to celebrate the miracle of the temple lamp, and much more so to celebrate the time when Jews were saved by the body and blood of a lamb, a foreshadow of the Lamb whose body and blood redeemed us all.

When this woman's granddaughter asks her mother, "Why are we going to Grandma's for Passover if we're not Jewish?" the answer should be: "God calls us to honor our father and our mother; they celebrate Passover and we honor them by being with them on important occasions. Also, because we are celebrating the Passover as Jesus did each year of his incarnate life. Finally, because Jesus instituted the sacrament of Holy Communion at his last Passover Seder." -- MARTY BARRACK, BURKE, VA.

DEAR MARTY: Thank you for an excellent letter. I was touched by the number of readers who reached out to help "Devastated in Long Island" come to terms with her daughter's decision. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to the Jewish mother who was devastated by the prospect of her daughter's conversion to Christianity, and therefore her granddaughter's religious upbringing. I'm a Christian and would love to be able to say I'm Jewish -- but I can't.

Jewish history is Christian history. That's what the Old Testament is. I feel a kinship with Jews because we worship the same God and study the same people: David, Isaiah, Moses, Noah, Daniel, etc. This is my heritage as well.

I would love to celebrate the Jewish holidays because I believe they are important. We should remember that God spared the firstborn of Israel when the Angel of Death passed over the homes whose doors were marked with the blood of the lamb.

This young granddaughter will be blessed to have the opportunity to learn her full religious heritage. To a Christian, Jesus is the Christ who fulfills all Jewish prophecy.

Where does that leave the grandparents and uncles who are committed to Judaism? Honored and loved, and just as much a part of her life as the other side of the family. -- ENCOURAGED AND DELIGHTED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I would like to address "Devastated in Long Island." I could have once called myself "Devastated in Boston" when my oldest son decided to marry a Jewish girl and convert to Judaism after being brought up in our very religious Catholic home. (Indeed, he had been an altar boy and never left our house in the morning without saying his morning offering and dedicating his entire day to God.)

However, my husband and I decided that our son was a grown man, entitled to worship God in whatever manner he pleased. My daughter-in-law is a wonderful wife, mother and daughter, devoted to her family. She and my son are compatible in almost every way.

Their children are being brought up in the Jewish religion. I am delighted my grandchildren are receiving religious instruction, because Christianity is based on Jewish law and religious concepts. So many little ones are not as fortunate.

To "Devastated in Long Island," I say: Let go and let God. You will never regret it. -- HAPPY MOM WITH HAPPY FAMILY IN MASSACHUSETTS

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)