DEAR ABBY: The Long Island woman who was devastated because her Jewish daughter indicated she may become Catholic should take comfort that Catholics are free to do whatever Jesus did. Jesus of Nazareth was a Jew who regularly went to synagogue and often led the services. He strictly observed the commandments and celebrated all the Jewish holidays. Any Catholic may go to temple, join the Hanukkah festivities, host or attend a Seder, etc.

In so doing, the Catholic is not "being Jewish." Catholics have not traditionally celebrated the Jewish holidays because for centuries Jews and Catholics saw one another as adversaries.

Today Jews and Catholics realize that they share the heritage of the Hebrew Scriptures and that they can best resist the rapid disappearance of all religion from public life by working in harmony. It is Catholic to celebrate the miracle of the temple lamp, and much more so to celebrate the time when Jews were saved by the body and blood of a lamb, a foreshadow of the Lamb whose body and blood redeemed us all.

When this woman's granddaughter asks her mother, "Why are we going to Grandma's for Passover if we're not Jewish?" the answer should be: "God calls us to honor our father and our mother; they celebrate Passover and we honor them by being with them on important occasions. Also, because we are celebrating the Passover as Jesus did each year of his incarnate life. Finally, because Jesus instituted the sacrament of Holy Communion at his last Passover Seder." -- MARTY BARRACK, BURKE, VA.

DEAR MARTY: Thank you for an excellent letter. I was touched by the number of readers who reached out to help "Devastated in Long Island" come to terms with her daughter's decision. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to the Jewish mother who was devastated by the prospect of her daughter's conversion to Christianity, and therefore her granddaughter's religious upbringing. I'm a Christian and would love to be able to say I'm Jewish -- but I can't.

Jewish history is Christian history. That's what the Old Testament is. I feel a kinship with Jews because we worship the same God and study the same people: David, Isaiah, Moses, Noah, Daniel, etc. This is my heritage as well.

I would love to celebrate the Jewish holidays because I believe they are important. We should remember that God spared the firstborn of Israel when the Angel of Death passed over the homes whose doors were marked with the blood of the lamb.

This young granddaughter will be blessed to have the opportunity to learn her full religious heritage. To a Christian, Jesus is the Christ who fulfills all Jewish prophecy.

Where does that leave the grandparents and uncles who are committed to Judaism? Honored and loved, and just as much a part of her life as the other side of the family. -- ENCOURAGED AND DELIGHTED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I would like to address "Devastated in Long Island." I could have once called myself "Devastated in Boston" when my oldest son decided to marry a Jewish girl and convert to Judaism after being brought up in our very religious Catholic home. (Indeed, he had been an altar boy and never left our house in the morning without saying his morning offering and dedicating his entire day to God.)

However, my husband and I decided that our son was a grown man, entitled to worship God in whatever manner he pleased. My daughter-in-law is a wonderful wife, mother and daughter, devoted to her family. She and my son are compatible in almost every way.

Their children are being brought up in the Jewish religion. I am delighted my grandchildren are receiving religious instruction, because Christianity is based on Jewish law and religious concepts. So many little ones are not as fortunate.

To "Devastated in Long Island," I say: Let go and let God. You will never regret it. -- HAPPY MOM WITH HAPPY FAMILY IN MASSACHUSETTS

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In response to the single mother who is tired of "just getting by":

I can certainly empathize with her. I am 46 and have an 8-year-old child, and I live from paycheck to paycheck because I don't receive child support either. When I get depressed, I play the "count your blessings" game, and it changes my perspective.

That single mother who is just getting by is able to provide a comfortable roof over her daughter's head, good food and nice clothes. She wants to provide "better things" in life, and she's angry because she can't afford dance lessons for her daughter. She should realize that there are at least a million mothers on our planet who would gladly trade places with her.

I would encourage her to be creative -- teach the daughter herself. She can turn on the radio and have some of that fun she thinks only money can buy. Where there's a will, there's a way. -- FRANCINE YACOUB IN DALLAS

DEAR FRANCINE: You and many others pointed out that with a little creativity and help from others, this single mother can provide quality entertainment for her daughter. Many readers suggested she consider church activities, scholarships from the YWCA, picnics in the park, and visits to the public library to check out books and videos.

Among the other excellent suggestions: Share housing with another single mother or senior citizen, barter for some of the things she needs (perhaps she could clean house for the dance teacher), trade baby sitting with another mother, or baby-sit to earn extra money.

DEAR ABBY: A few days before Christmas, my family received a Christmas card from an aunt. Enclosed in the same envelope were two birthday cards: one for my brother and one for me. We both have December birthdays. Mine is Dec. 23 and his is on the 28th.

My mother thought this was incredibly rude and refuses to send this aunt a card next year. She thinks it was cheap, and people should have the decency to send each card in a separate envelope.

I, on the other hand, say it would have been wasteful to send two cards in separate envelopes. That's just two more postage stamps and envelopes arriving on the same day. I wouldn't mind if I didn't get my own envelope. (My brother said he wouldn't either.)

Abby, if you say it isn't proper etiquette, my aunt will no longer receive Christmas cards from us. -- A 12-YEAR-OLD DAILY READER

DEAR DAILY READER: Your aunt was not "cheap" -- she was wisely conservative. In addition, she was helping the environment by conserving paper -- a tree product. Please show this letter to your mom.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Hurt Mother-in-Law": I was married in 1967, and I clearly remember my new mother-in-law taking me aside and saying, "You already have a mother, so let's figure out a name for you to call me that you are comfortable with. I'm comfortable with Doris."

She set the stage for a wonderful relationship. My father-in-law did his part, too. He introduced me to his friends as "my daughter." That always got a laugh from them, and it made me feel warm and accepted.

In loving memory of Doris and Armand Roth. -- KIRSTEN W. ROTH, PACIFIC PALISADES, CALIF.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter you printed from the apparently "disgruntled" mother about fathers who do nothing more than send in their required child support payments. While I agree that they are fulfilling their legal obligations and nothing more, I'm concerned that other fathers (including myself) are getting a bad rap.

I currently take my children to weekly counseling sessions, due in part to an ex-wife who constantly tells them what a "jerk" their father is.

Not only do I send the required child support payments on time, I send an amount OVER the required legal minimum. I also help their mother with religious school tuition, summer camp expenses and assorted other child-care expenses -- gifts, sports and extracurricular activities.

In addition to paying off the tremendous debts that my ex helped accumulate during our marriage (the debts and the clothes on my back were all I got in the divorce agreement), I attend my kids' school and extracurricular activities with enthusiasm (when I'm notified about them) and call the kids regularly. Regrettably, I have only the legally minimum visitation opportunities, which their mother tried to deny me.

I now must contend with the ongoing slander that my ex-wife feeds our children and spreads around town in her attempt to make everyone feel sorry for her. (No matter that her boyfriend moved in with her and my kids before the ink was dry on the divorce agreement!)

I hope your readers realize that many fathers like myself have tremendous love and concern for our children's welfare. We share the pain and emotional turmoil they experience as a result of a divorce.

Yes, like the song says, "She got the gold mine -- I got the shaft!" -- HAD IT IN DALLAS

DEAR HAD IT: Your point is well-taken. In a divorce, one rarely comes out unscathed. Everyone pays -- one way or another. However, the damage can be kept to a minimum if the parents refrain from using children as pawns to vent their frustration and anger at ex-spouses, and fulfill their financial responsibilities instead of trying to sabotage each other.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column about the bandleader who played songs in honor of wedding anniversaries. You asked for suggestions for anniversaries over 50 years. How about, "Never in a Million Years"? -- ROGER MCGUIRE, REPUBLIC, PA.

DEAR ROGER: Thank you. Since I have been married for 56 years to a loving husband I'll call Saint Morton, I beg to disagree with you.

Among the other suggestions I received for 50-plus anniversaries were, "We Did It Before and We Can Do It Again," "It Had Better Be Tonight," "Now and Then," "Thanks for the Memories" and "I've Got Plenty of Nothin'."

DEAR ABBY: I read your column about the bandleader who played songs in honor of wedding anniversaries. You asked for suggestions for anniversaries over 50 years. How about, "Never in a Million Years"? -- ROGER MCGUIRE, REPUBLIC, PA.

DEAR ROGER: Thank you. Since I have been married for 56 years to a loving husband I'll call Saint Morton, I beg to disagree with you.

Among the other suggestions I received for 50-plus anniversaries were, "We Did It Before and We Can Do It Again," "It Had Better Be Tonight," "Now and Then," "Thanks for the Memories" and "I've Got Plenty of Nothin'."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)