DEAR ABBY: Thank you for bringing the SPAY/USA program to the attention of your readers. Almost 12,000 calls were received in the first three weeks after the column was published. We hired a 24-hour answering service to take the calls, and our most experienced staff people worked seven-day weeks to keep up with the referrals. The number of calls is down to about 250 a day now.

Many of the inquiries were for more than one animal -- often three or more cats, and sometimes up to 30! As of Nov. 17, there were 3,019 cat spays, 5,459 cat neuters, 3,085 feral cat (sex unknown) alters, 3,084 dog spays, 2,279 dog neuters and 882 dog (sex unknown) alters.

The biggest problem we have now is cats. Taking into account that a male cat can be responsible for many litters per year, and a female can have three litters per year, we are being conservative when we take the total number of cat surgeries (11,563) and estimate that each of them could have produced 10 kittens in one year -- or 115,630 cats. A year later, if each of those had been responsible for 10 more kittens, there would be well over a million. The dog numbers are not quite as dramatic, but nonetheless, we will see the difference at shelters next spring.

I wish we could persuade people to keep cats indoors, to put IDs on them in case they slip outside, to adopt them with the understanding that they live 15 to 20 years, and to spay or neuter them.

At this time, there are literally tens of millions of homeless cats. People get cats because they are "easy to take care of," then leave them outside with no identification, unaltered, where they multiply like rabbits. The cat crisis today is what the dog crisis was 20 years ago.

Thank you, Abby, for all of the good you have accomplished with a single column. -- ESTHER R. MECHLER, DIRECTOR, SPAY/USA

DEAR ESTHER: No need to thank me -- that's what I'm here for. I'm delighted to know that your program, which resolves the problem of homeless, unwanted pets without destroying them, is making a difference.

For those readers who missed the original letter back in October, SPAY/USA is a program that provides referrals to veterinarians who offer low-cost neutering and spaying. The SPAY/USA phone number is 1-800-248-SPAY (7729).

DEAR ABBY: From time to time, you've published letters from people who had found money. One woman bought a pair of jeans at a yard sale and found $5 in one of the pockets. A high school student found a wallet on the pavement. When I read those letters, the correct behavior was evident. Then something similar happened to me, and I wasn't so sure anymore.

I had finished shopping in a drugstore that is owned by a local family. When I got outside, I discovered I had been given $10 too much in change, so I went back in and said, "You've made a mistake in my change." Assuming I meant I had been shortchanged, the owner angrily interrupted with: "Once you're outside the door, we don't do anything about it!" and he walked away. I replied, "You gave me $10 too much, and I was going to return it."

I turned around and walked out with the $10. Abby, what would you have done had that happened to you? -- OVERCHANGED

DEAR OVERCHANGED: I would have insisted that the owner accept the money -- and in the future, I would take my business to another drugstore.

DEAR ABBY: One more for "Annoyed in Minnesota," who was offended by people who responded to questions by saying, "I don't care":

My mother tells the story about my grandfather who was driving his buggy down the road and came across a man who was walking.

Grandpa asked the fellow if he wanted a ride, and the fellow replied, "I don't care."

Grandpa said, "I don't care either. Giddyup!" -- LYNN BARTEAU, ST. CHARLES, MO.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am terribly confused and at my wit's end. I left my husband five years ago for a younger man who showed me wonderful attention and admiration. Over the last few years, this relationship has turned ugly. There has been some physical abuse and a lot of verbal abuse. Of course, he doesn't think words can be abusive. Last night was the last straw. He said some things to me that were very cruel, and now I know that we should no longer be together.

So why am I having such a difficult time breaking it off with him? I am a successful, intelligent professional woman. Why do I give in to him over and over again and take him back after he humiliates me? He tells me I deserve it. It makes me so angry at him, and myself.

What makes someone with intelligence and common sense stay in such an awful relationship?

Abby, please help me to understand, so I can break this abusive cycle. I will be anxiously awaiting your reply. -- DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF, LA MESA, CALIF.

DEAR DISGUSTED: I am not qualified to psychoanalyze you, but my best guess is that you are angry with yourself for having left your husband for a younger man who conned you into believing he was some kind of prize.

No woman deserves to be humiliated and abused verbally or physically. I advise you to say goodbye to this poor excuse for a man -- and the sooner the better.

There are worse things than being alone, and you are now experiencing them. Write again in three months. And if you weaken -- reread this letter.

DEAR ABBY: Though they did not ask, I am writing this on behalf of all "steps" and "in-laws" in hopes of enlightening our society.

When I was a teen-ager, my father died of a massive heart attack. Four years later, my mother married a wonderful man whom I loved dearly. Eighteen years later, we buried him after he lost his struggle with cancer.

Over the past month, I have been amazed at the insensitivity of people. There seems to be a common misconception that because a mother, father or child is a "step," the significance of that relationship is diluted.

Let me assure you that neither blood ties nor time determines the depth and strength of a relationship. The case of Susan Smith comes to mind. Those were her flesh-and-blood children whose seat belts she strapped before pushing that car into the lake!

One of the coldest, albeit most innocent, shocks I got was when a co-worker asked me after I returned from the funeral of my second father, "Was he your real father or just your stepfather?" Just? That made him sound positively throwaway!

My mother received a staggering outpouring of love and caring. She lost a husband, and I lost a father -- not a stepfather. I hope this letter will cause people to think with their hearts and not their dictionaries.

I am signing my name, but if you use this, I respectfully request anonymity. Thank you. -- GRIEVING DAUGHTER

DEAR GRIEVING: Thank YOU for a heartfelt message. Please accept my condolences.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon. I am using its theme with some variations of my own:

Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.

Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those that I cannot.

Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.

Just for today, I'll do something I've been putting off for a long time. I'll finally write that letter, make that phone call, clean that closet or straighten out those dresser drawers.

Just for today, before I speak I will ask myself, "Is it true? Is it kind?" and, if the answer to either of those questions is negative, I won't say it.

Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, talk softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll not try to improve anybody except myself.

We know so much more about nutrition and how exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable, so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.

Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

To one and all: a happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY

P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.

THOUGHT FOR THE NEW YEAR: "Anticipate charity by preventing poverty; assist the reduced fellowman, either by a considerable gift, or a sum of money, or by teaching him a trade, or by putting him in the way of business, so that he may earn an honest livelihood, and not be forced to the dreadful alternative of holding out his hand for charity.

"This is the highest step and the summit of charity's golden ladder." -- MAIMONIDES

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)