DEAR ABBY: My parents have been married for 16 years. I am 21. My first mother died. Mom and Dad have always had a trusting relationship.

Mom has been working for a law firm for the past seven years. Lately she's been spending a lot of time with her boss. It's gotten to the point where "Pete" -- her boss -- will pick her up and drive her to work every morning, then he brings her home after she has worked late. They go out to lunch together nearly every day.

For the past two weeks, Mom has worked late every night and she's gone in on Saturday to "help him out." Pete is married, too. Yesterday he gave her a single long-stemmed rose.

I don't dare say anything to either of my parents, so I'm asking for your advice. My younger brothers have both asked me if I thought something was going on between Mom and her boss. I've always said, "No way," but now I think differently. I hate feeling this way. I love both my parents dearly, but I think Mom is taking advantage of Dad's trust in her. What should I do? -- CONFUSED DAUGHTER

DEAR CONFUSED: You and Mom are overdue for an adult-level mother/daughter chat. Do not make accusations; confide your feelings, and explain that your brothers are uncomfortable with the amount of time she has been spending with her boss -- and they are asking questions for which you have no answers.

It is possible that your mother's relationship with her boss is strictly business. And, since no attempt was made to hide the rose, it is also possible that it was given as a token of gratitude -- nothing more. So give your mother the opportunity to set the record straight.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my husband died of cancer. He was only 39 years old. We had a wonderful marriage, but so many times the comment was made by individuals who had gone through a divorce, "It has to be much easier losing your husband through death than losing a mate by divorce."

How cruel and wrong could anyone possibly be! This comment was made several times shortly after my husband had died, and I still hear it today.

What do you make of it, Abby? You may use my name. -- MYRA WATKINS, GOODLAND, KAN.

DEAR MYRA: Those who would make such an insensitive comment probably intended to comfort you. (Like those who would say to a woman who had recently experienced a miscarriage, "Don't be sad -- you're better off; maybe something would have been wrong with the baby had you carried it to term.")

However, losing a cherished mate through divorce is oftentimes similar to a death -- the death of a dream that was too short-lived, or didn't work out.

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In 1990, you gave the nation's smokers a wonderful gift the week before Thanksgiving: a column encouraging them to participate in the American Cancer Society's Great American Smokeout.

Your support helped millions across the country make the decision to quit smoking, at least for the day. Your column was a terrific morale-booster for our 2.5 million American Cancer Society volunteers in the United States.

Would you please run that lovely Smokeout column again? And thank you for your continued help in the fight against cancer. -- LINDA S. HAASE, ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY, ILLINOIS DIVISION

DEAR MS. HAASE: With pleasure!

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow, Nov. 21, 1991, will mark the 15th Annual Great American Smokeout, a one-day campaign to encourage smokers to quit smoking for 24 hours, just to prove they can do it.

Last year, 19 million smokers tried to quit for the day. This represents 38 percent of the nation's 50 million smokers. Breast cancer used to be the biggest killer for women. But the No. 1 cause of cancer death among women and men today is lung cancer. Tobacco claims one life every 13 seconds. An estimated 143,000 will die of lung cancer in 1991.

And now, a word about smoking-related diseases -- emphysema, chronic bronchitis and heart disease: This year an estimated 434,000 will die from one of these. This total exceeds the number of U.S. battle deaths in World War II -- nine times as many people who die in automobile accidents every year.

A congressional study has reported that health costs from the adverse effects of smoking have reached a new high of $100 billion a year in increased medical bills and lost productivity. The loss in death and disability cannot be measured.

What about "secondhand" smoke? Is it damaging to non-smokers to be in the presence of those of you who are smoking? Yes! One non-smoker dies of secondhand smoke for every eight smokers. And studies reveal that the children of smokers are more prone to lung problems and allergies than are children of non-smokers.

For years I have begged my young readers, "If you smoke, quit now. If you don't smoke, don't start!" Yet an estimated 3,000 to 5,000 kids light up for the first time every day. Why? Peer pressure, no doubt. Cigarette companies sell $1 billion of cigarettes to children each year.

Quitting "cold turkey" is the hardest way to quit, but my readers tell me it's the most effective, and in the long run, the easiest. Those who need help to break their habit: Call your local chapter of the American Cancer Society or call (800) 227-2345 for information.

If you're hooked, and have been telling yourself, "One of these days I'm going to quit," why not start tomorrow? It won't be easy -- but it will be the best Thanksgiving present you can give yourself -- and those who love you. -- Love, Abby

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter you printed concerning all the wonderful benefits of hugging, I had to write to express a contrary opinion.

Except for my husband, small children and animals, I am a person who does not like to be touched, and I think I have the right to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with me, and I am sure there are others who share my feelings.

Granted, a great many people feel that a hug can make their day, but a hug can ruin mine. Occasionally someone I know only casually will hug and even kiss me, when I have given them absolutely no reason to believe I would welcome such familiarity. Not wanting to appear rude, I grimace and bear it.

I don't know how this problem can be resolved, since apparently most people don't object. But how is one supposed to know in advance that someone does not want to be hugged? However, once I inform a person that I don't like to be touched, I would hope that my wishes will be respected.

I have even thought of wearing a T-shirt with "Thank you for not hugging me" across the front. Any suggestions?

Just sign me ... HANDS OFF

DEAR HANDS OFF: Lest you believe you are alone in your aversion to being touched, let me assure you that you are not. When a known hugger approaches you, immediately offer your hand, inviting the hugger to accept a firm handshake. Your body language will signal that that's about as close you care to get. There is nothing rude about setting limits.

DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I are ticket takers at a large annual event. All too often, people, for a number of reasons, put their ticket in their mouth to free up both hands in order to put change in their wallets or to hold a youngster's hand -- or whatever.

They do not consider that when they remove the ticket from their mouth, they grasp the nice clean end, while we, the ticket takers, must handle the wet and unsanitary portion.

This is a rather disgusting procedure. Oddly enough, the majority of offenders are clean and courteous people who would ordinarily be careful of their personal hygiene, and have respect for the health and feelings of others.

We are expected to be friendly and gracious, but how can we handle this without offending anyone?

Perhaps a word in your column would send a message to those who are unwittingly guilty of this offensive habit. It would make work a little more pleasant for those who handle tickets for public events. I hope this is column-worthy. -- A TOUCHY TICKET TAKER

DEAR TOUCHY: Just when I think I've heard everything, along comes a letter like yours. Is it column-worthy? You bet.

DEAR ABBY: Most of us lick postage stamps. Are they sanitary? How about envelopes? -- HENRY LOBLE, HELENA, MONT.

DEAR HENRY: Maybe yes, maybe no. But since you are concerned, use a damp sponge to moisten postage stamps as well as the flap of the envelope, and you won't have to worry about whether they're sanitary.

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)