DEAR ABBY: I have a strange and wacky problem that I have never seen addressed in your column. I have an intense fear of bees, hornets and wasps. I'm sure this will seem silly to many, but there may be others who share this crazy fear, although I have never met them.

Over the years, my fears have intensified. It is very embarrassing at times. Whenever I hear anything that sounds like a bee -- an electric razor, a buzzing sound on the radio -- I have a panic attack until I can locate the source.

I rarely go outdoors in the summertime (thank God, I work in an office), and I never wear perfume in the daytime during bee season. When I do gather the courage to go to a barbecue or some other outdoor event, I either leave early or stay inside the car. There must be a place for me to "escape" to or I won't even consider going.

My last apartment was chosen with great consideration for its landscaping. There are no flowers or bushes to attract bees. I am so deathly afraid of bees that I have (a) jumped out of a moving car, (b) left a 2-year-old child in the middle of the street, (c) run out into traffic, and done other outrageous things in a panic while trying to escape from bees.

Otherwise, I am a sane and sensible person. I wish there were some kind of device I could wear to discourage bees from coming to me. -- PAULA IN QUINCY, MASS.

DEAR PAULA: Your problem is not bees, it is your inappropriate overreaction to the buzzing. Your irrational fear is making you a potential danger to yourself and others. Therefore, I urge you to work through your phobia with a therapist who specializes in banishing such fears. (Ask your family doctor for a referral.)

Meanwhile, ask your local pharmacist and/or the proprietor of the nearest sporting goods store for a reliable bee repellent. And good luck.

DEAR READERS: "As our society ages and people are living longer, many older people suffer from aches and pains which they dismiss as signs of old age, and choose not to consult a physician," says Dennis Boulware, president of the Louisiana Arthritis Foundation.

"While over 37 million Americans suffer from arthritis, it is not a normal part of aging. (The symptoms of arthritis include pain and swelling in the affected joint.) Pain and swelling are not natural, and should not be tolerated -- especially when there is medical treatment available."

This reminds me of a very old story my dear, departed father used to tell: An elderly man went to see his doctor about a pain in his right leg. The doctor examined the patient quickly, then said, "Well, what do you expect, Mr. Goldberg -- that leg is 80 years old."

Mr. Goldberg replied, "Well, doctor, the other leg is also 80 years old and it doesn't hurt."

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our 17-year-old daughter, "Marcie," is going steady with "Brad." They are both seniors in high school.

During Marcie's junior year, she ran with the wrong crowd, made some bad decisions about smoking and drinking and, yes, even sex. She was very honest with Brad, and now he is being verbally abusive -- throwing her past in her face and making her feel like dirt. She quit smoking and drinking, but there's nothing she can do about her virginity. After being with Brad, she comes home and cries because he makes her feel so cheap and dirty. They fight all the time about it. He acts like her judge and jury.

What can I do? She says she's in love with him. He's the second boy she's gone with who's been verbally abusive. It took Marcie a year to get over the first one.

How can I help her? She doesn't want me or her dad to talk to Brad or his parents about this. I'm so worried about her. Please help. -- OHIO MOM

DEAR MOM: I know you love your daughter and would do anything to help her, but this is one job Marcie has to do herself. She needs to forgive herself and rebuild her self-esteem. She should not permit anyone to degrade her, or make her feel cheap.

Marcie has made some mistakes (who hasn't?); now she needs to respect herself enough to say goodbye to anyone who tries to degrade her. No family member can help Marcie. Get her into counseling. If her school has no counselors, try your local department of family services or United Way.

DEAR ABBY: A mother wrote to you in agitation over her gay daughter's "lifestyle." I am writing in agitation over the use of that word -- as if it is used to describe continually bizarre and abnormal behavior.

Abby, like all the rest, we are born, we live our lives, and then we die. Along the way we go to school, to work, to church, we are sick and we are well, we are happy and we are sad, we pay taxes and give to charity, we enjoy family and friends, we buy cars and houses and books, we watch TV and go to the movies, we play golf and football and bridge, we go to offices and factories and farms, we vote and we volunteer, we worry about money and politics, and we are tired at the end of the day. Some of us love another of the same sex. It would seem so small a thing, like the color of the skin, in such a wide, wide world.

Will you gently chide your readers, Abby, that we are all far more alike than we are different? -- NORTH CHATHAM, N.Y.

DEAR NORTH CHATHAM: Your chiding is identical to my philosophy.

CONFIDENTIAL TO J.N. IN BALTIMORE: Go for it! "Fortune is a prize to be won. Adventure is the road to it. Chance is what may lurk in the shadows at the roadside." Those are the words of one William Sydney Porter, whose pen name was O. Henry. (Surprise!)

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Will you please ask your readers never to interrupt a police officer in the middle of a traffic stop unless it is a dire emergency? (Directions to the nearest restaurant don't count!)

Abby, we police officers never know who we are pulling over during a routine stop. It could be a murderer, an escaped felon or a minister. More law enforcement personnel are injured or killed during routine traffic stops than almost any other type of police activity. (It's twice as dangerous at night.)

Please don't pull up right next to me as I'm approaching the car I just stopped and ask me for directions! We could both be in danger and I might not be able to guarantee your safety.

We also make stops where the element of danger is known beforehand -- such as an armed robber fleeing the scene. This is usually a planned stop where suspects are taken out of a car at gunpoint. If you should see one or more police officers with their guns drawn and pointed at someone, don't walk up and ask, "What's going on?" We are not filming "T.J. Hooker."

If a police officer is all red in the face and yelling at you and waving an arm in a sideways motion while holding a gun in the other, don't wave back. It isn't a greeting. MOVE! You are in the line of fire!

Thanks, Abby, for letting me get this off my chest. -- CALIFORNIA COP, LOMPOC, CALIF.

DEAR READERS: He's right. When officers are on duty, they are not playing cops and robbers; it's the real thing. So, please, don't interrupt an officer who is obviously busy doing his job.

DEAR ABBY: Well, it happened again tonight! Don't people realize that in this day and age, it is not safe to assume anything?

I am a 21-year-old man -- stable and successful -- and I am presently seeing a woman who is 19 years my senior. For some reason (probably because I look younger than I am), people tend to assume that we are mother and son.

Abby, you would not believe the pain and frustration it causes my girlfriend when people tell her what a handsome "son" she has! She doesn't look anywhere near old enough to be my mother.

Tonight when we came out of a restaurant and the valet retrieved my car, the young fellow who brought us our car said, "Gee, if my mom had a car like this, she'd never let me drive it!"

Please let your readers know that assumptions can be rude. I doubt there would be a problem if I was 40 and she was 19 or 20. -- HATES ASSUMPTIONS

DEAR HATES: Unfortunately, some assumptions -- when verbalized -- can be cruel as well as rude. However, when a 40-year-old man is in the company of a 19- or 20-year-old woman, the assumption is more likely to be that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Today, when people are living longer and taking better care of themselves (physically, nutritionally and sometimes with a little help from a plastic surgeon), age is merely a number.

But on the chance that it could be embarrassing, it's wise to make no assumptions concerning the relationship between a male and female.

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)