DEAR ABBY: Your letters from women who are "faking it" to satisfy their husbands are hilarious! But there is definitely another side to the story.

For 48 years I was married to a wonderful woman. Every sexual encounter was an expression of love -- not lust. She initiated the activity as often as I did. Then she suffered a paralyzing stroke, so for seven years I bathed her daily and cuddled her as I laid beside her as her beautiful body withered away. Our love did not require the sexual act; holding her in my arms was all I needed. She has been gone for two years, and no one could ever take her place.

I am a shriveled 76-year-old man and certainly nothing to look at. Last year I joined a senior citizens group, and you would think I am Clark Gable! Widows swarmed like flies to garbage! The first woman I danced with outweighed me by 100 pounds and wanted to "dirty dance" with me. The first night I had three invitations to spend the night. I never went to another meeting, but I've gone on overnight trips with the group. Abby, women knocked on my bedroom door! If you could see me you would know how hard up they must be.

I would like to find a woman for companionship, and possibly later on sex might enter the picture. But every woman I've met -- even in church -- makes advances. If these old gals have been faking it with their husbands, why do they become sex maniacs as soon as their husbands are gone? -- NO BARGAIN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NO BARGAIN: Please don't label all women who long for intimacy "sex maniacs"; maybe all they want is a warm body to cuddle with. You are apparently more attractive than you think you are. Rejoice and count your blessings. Every 76-year-old widower should have your problems.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended my first major league baseball game. The batter lost control of the bat and it flew into the crowd, striking a young girl. They carried her off and the game continued.

We never heard any more about it. Was the child hurt? Is she alive? Who knows? Does anybody care? The game went on.

There wasn't one word about it in the newspaper, but there was an article about a "minor hand injury" suffered by one of the players. Now, that's what I call bizarre! -- "C" IN K.C.

DEAR "C": You call it "bizarre" -- I call it a matter of priorities. Whose? The reporter who covered the baseball game.

DEAR ABBY: We had to laugh when we read the letter from the "Schnorrs of Arizona," who objected to the use of their name as "schnorrers" -- moochers, freeloaders, beggars. Our name is "Schmuck" -- how do they think we feel? -- THE SCHMUCKS OF ORMAND BEACH, FLA.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I am a secretary and have been for some years now. But recently, I started working with a new company, and I have one major problem with one of the higher authorities (who isn't my boss/supervisor) who uses me as her personal secretary -- and I do mean personal. She has me doing her income taxes, her daughter's income taxes, her lease, etc., and making coffee. The last duty is extremely irksome.

Yes, I am supposed to assist her, as directed by my boss. But he means as an aide, not a maid. I do not like coffee, therefore I don't drink it -- so why do I have to make it? I really don't think coffee-making is in any secretarial job description.

I really would like to tell her to do her own personal things and make her own coffee, but she's very sneaky and I fear she might go behind my back and tell my boss some off-the-wall story. How do I handle this without jeopardizing my job or any future references I may need when I decide to change jobs in the future? -- NO PERSONAL SECRETARY

DEAR NO PERSONAL SECRETARY: If you are comfortable with your own boss, talk with him confidentially. Keep the level professional, and calmly explain what this lady is asking you to do, specifically. Tell him that the woman's personal requests are cutting into company time and productivity.

From there on it is the responsibility of your boss either to direct you to fulfill this lady's requests or not. But remember, it is the boss's responsibility to speak to this "higher authority" -- and not yours.

DEAR ABBY: I need to settle a dispute concerning proper telephone etiquette. When someone telephones me and I am not at home, my brother asks if there is a message. If there isn't one, he terminates the conversation.

I say he should ask who is calling, so that I will, at least, know who called. As it stands, when I get home all I am told is, "Someone called -- and he didn't leave a message."

My brother insists he has no right to ask more than, "Do you care to leave a message?" He says it would be rude -- an invasion of privacy -- to ask more.

I say it is acceptable to ask, and if the caller does not wish to leave his name, he can say no. Who is right? -- D.K. IN CONN.

DEAR D.K.: It is not rude to inquire, "Who is calling, please?" But the problem could be easily resolved by using the following routine:

The telephone rings. Your brother answers it. The caller asks, "Is 'Donna' there?"

Your brother replies, "May I ask who is calling, please?"

If the caller does not wish to leave his or her name, the stock reply will be, "Never mind, thanks, I'll call back later." (Then he will hear the dial tone.)

But nine times out of 10, the caller will give his name if asked before he's told whether the party he's calling is home or not.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is a native of Mexico. I don't know if you are familiar with the medical-pharmaceutical practices in Mexico, but they are very "relaxed." In Mexico, my mother was a midwife. She assisted the local doctor, but she has had no formal training. She has lived in America for 30 years and fully understands the laws of being a citizen.

I recently learned that my mother is giving injections to people who seek her out. These people obtain the medication in Mexico and my mother has a syringe. A relative brought her children over to be injected with so-called vitamins, so I asked her why she was doing this. She said, "The American doctors are afraid to cure people quickly."

I said nothing more to anyone; then I told my mother that if she continued to practice medicine without a license, I would turn her in. She laughed and said that she would stop. I know my mother and doubt that she will stop.

Abby, I don't want to turn her in. Other family members agree that what she is doing is wrong, but they think it's none of my business. Their attitude and my mother's actions appall me, but I don't want to visit her in jail. Please answer in the paper. -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN FRESNO

DEAR CONCERNED: I consulted my personal physician, Dr. Jaime Paris, who practiced at the Mayo Clinic for 20 years. He said: "Regardless of what the laws are in Mexico City, the woman is breaking the law here. Furthermore, if the needles she uses are not properly sterilized, she could be spreading all kinds of diseases. Inform her emphatically and immediately that no one should be giving shots unless supervised by a doctor of medicine or osteopathy."

DEAR ABBY: Whatever happened to dinner? Everyone here in my section of Florida eats "supper," never dinner, in the evening. Isn't it correct that if you have lunch at noon, you have dinner at night? Or if you have dinner at noon (as farmers do), then supper is a light meal in the evening?

Even the "Golden Girls" on TV refer to their dinner as "supper," and it's obvious they are not eating their dinner at noon. -- FLORENCE KRUEGER, BAYONET POINT, FLA.

DEAR FLORENCE: Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines "dinner" as "the principal meal of the day." And "supper" is defined as "the evening meal, especially when dinner (the principal meal of the day) is taken at midday." "Supper" is also described as "a light meal served late in the evening."

So, technically, you are correct. But if local or regional custom dictates that the evening meal be called supper -- then the word from here is, Don't argue with the natives, or you might wind up eating your words regardless of the hour.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)