Despite all the unpleasantness, we forgave each other and continued what has always been a wonderfully loving relationship. We are in our mid-50s and feel ridiculous sneaking around to be together.

John says, "Let's say to heck with everything, sell our houses, move 1,000 miles away from all the relatives and enjoy the years we have left!"

Neither of us has to work, and our financial situation is good. Should I put myself first for once in my life and remarry John? Or keep up a house for my remaining unmarried daughter? -- TORN

DEAR TORN: Your John is a man after my own heart. Remarry him and move away from both your families. Don't worry about your unmarried daughter. She's probably due to leave the nest soon anyway. Enjoy your lives. It's always later than you think.

DEAR ABBY: When I travel, I like to take my dog with me, which presents a problem because not all hotels allow dogs.

I recently stopped at a hotel where I was made welcome with my pet, and I saw this framed "notice" hanging in the lobby. It tickled me, and if it tickles you, maybe you'll run it in your column.

"Dogs are welcome in this hotel. We never had a dog that smoked in bed and set fire to the blankets. We never had a dog who stole our towels, played the TV too loud or had a noisy fight with his traveling companion. We never had a dog that got drunk and broke up the furniture. So if your dog can vouch for you, you're welcome, too." -- DOG LOVER

DEAR DOG LOVER: I've been tickled by a version of that notice, but in case some readers haven't, I'll run it. Thanks for a well-deserved tribute to man's best friend.

DEAR ABBY: My husband went on a 10-day business trip recently, and he wrote me three letters. He addressed the first one to "Mary Smith," the second to "Mrs. Mary Smith" and the third to "Ms. Mary Smith."

I have a friend who studies psychology, and she told me that my husband's addressing me as he did -- carefully avoiding using "Mrs. John Smith" -- was his way of "de-wifing" me.

I should add that when my husband returned from the trip, he was as affectionate and loving as ever, and he certainly didn't "de-wife" me then.

What do you think of my friend's theory? -- PERPLEXED

DEAR PERPLEXED: Not much. And if I were you, I would "de-friend" her.

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I met a very attractive, eligible widower last winter, and we've been keeping steady company since.

My only complaint is the way he keeps talking all the time about Mildred, his deceased wife. I never talk about my deceased husband. Outside of that, he is a decent man, and we get along just fine.

He has asked to marry me, but this is the way he proposed to me: "How would you like to take Mildred's place?" -- UNDECIDED

DEAR UNDECIDED: If he has a sense of humor, tell him that since Mildred is in the cemetery, you don't want to take her place. But if he wants a new life and a new wife, you'll consider it -- providing he quits talking about Mildred.

DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old son is engaged to a beautiful but spoiled 21-year-old girl. She has broken two engagements (one after the wedding invitations were mailed), and now she has asked our son for more time to "think things over." Meanwhile, the invitations are supposed to go out next Monday.

We have counseled with our minister, and he is all for letting her "think it over," but our son is trying to talk her into going through with the wedding on the scheduled date.

Her parents are no help at all and are pushing for the wedding as planned because they would like to get this spoiled, flighty girl married and out of the house. Also, they are very fond of our son.

What should we do? -- DETROIT DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: I agree with your minister. I would give the bride all the time she needs to think it over. There are worse things than a late wedding. And one of them is an early divorce.

DEAR ABBY: I know the libraries are full of books on the subject, but you seem able to put so much into a few words. What makes some kids good and some bad? In other words, is there a formula for raising good kids? Is it heredity or environment? -- TRYING HARD

DEAR TRYING: That battle has been going on for a long time, but I'm inclined to be on the side of environment.

All kids need discipline. ("Discipline" does not mean punishment; it means "teaching.") Kids need to know how far they can go. And they don't really want everything they ask for.

Reward them when they're good, and deprive them of something they enjoy when they misbehave.

I don't believe in hitting a child. A little slap on the wrist (just enough to hurt his dignity) is all right. However, hitting a child hard enough to hurt him physically may rid you of YOUR hostilities, but it will only teach the child that violence is the answer to all conflicts.

Don't ever tell a child he's "bad." If he misbehaves, tell him you do not like what he DID; don't tell him you don't like HIM.

Give a child lots of love, and when he comes to you with a confession, don't be too hard on him.

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A Montana wife asked you why her husband suddenly started to wear a tiny gold earring in his left ear. (She asked him and he refused to tell her.) You said you didn't know, but if she ever found out, to let you know.

I'm surprised that you didn't know, Abby. It means that he has become a member of the gay community. -- HEP IN OAKLAND

DEAR ABBY: That Montana husband probably wears a gold earring in his left ear for the same reason I have a gold tooth in front with a ruby in it. I like it! -- AN INDIVIDUAL

DEAR INDIVIDUAL: I'm with you. A person's right to be himself is one of our cherished freedoms, so why should a person have to "explain" his reason for it? It's HIS ear and HIS business, and as far as I know, wearing an earring is neither immoral nor illegal. But there seems to be a variety of opinions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man who had his ears pierced four years ago, and you wouldn't believe the static I've had from people because of one little speck of gold the size of a pinhead!

I've been accused of being a homosexual, a latent transvestite and just plain weird. I assure you I am as average as most men.

I attend college and see more and more macho guys wearing earrings on campus. I don't know if there is any significance to wearing only one earring in the left ear. I wear mine there because I am right-handed and it's easier to put on. My buddy wears one in his right ear because it's not seen by the police if he's stopped for a traffic violation. Sign me ... PIERCED AND PROUD

DEAR ABBY: A sailor who has sailed three years on the coast of China wears a gold ring in his left ear to prove that he has been there. -- RETIRED CAPTAIN, AGE 80

DEAR ABBY: Men have worn earrings for centuries -- Shakespeare, Rembrandt and King James II, to name a few of the more prominent of them.

Ancient Greeks and Romans borrowed the custom from the Persian and Indian men. Our own American Indian braves also wore earrings. And how about the early African warriors? And the pirates?

Men wore earrings long before women did, so why all the ruckus? -- LIVE AND LET LIVE

DEAR ABBY: According to an ancient Chinese belief, the wearing of an earring in the left ear symbolizes that that person's life has been endangered, and to prevent a recurrence, an earring is worn. It is supposedly protection against bad luck. -- AUDREY IN SINGAPORE

DEAR ABBY: A man wears a gold earring in his left ear to let the world know that he has crossed the equator. -- OLD MARINER

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who wears a little gold earring in my left ear because of my religion.

I am a Buddist, and all Buddists wear one gold earring -- and always in the left ear.

I am surprised you didn't know that, Abby. -- A BUDDIST

DEAR BUDDHIST: And if you are really a Buddhist, I am surprised that you don't know how to spell "Buddhist."

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)