LOVE MEANS MORE THAN SEX TO AMERICAN INDIAN COUPLES

DEAR ABBY: When a reader asked you if Indian men were superior to white men in the art of lovemaking, you suggested that he contact the Bureau of Indian Affairs or the American Indian Movement.

As the executive director of the American Indian Movement, I feel it is my duty to respond.

For the Indian, "love" does not begin when the lights go out or when pot or liquor is consumed, and it is not confined to the bedroom or any other hidden place.

The way in which the Indian treats his wife throughout the marriage is the key to making him a superior lover. His daily acts of kindness, consideration and respect for her demonstrate his love.

While we recognize that the sex act may send man's mind afloat for a few fleeting moments, it is but a minute part of the overall act of love.

The above code of behavior plus the Indian's respect for women have been passed down from father to son. I personally have 15 children and am an Ojibway Indian.

Very truly yours, DENNIS J. BANKS

DEAR ABBY: May I answer "Ed in East Illinois," who asked: "Is it true that closely guarded tribal secrets on how to please a woman are passed down from father to son, making Indians better lovers than white men?"

First the white man took all the Indian's land and some of his women. Now they want the Indian's "love secrets." No way! The Indian needs something to call his own. -- HALF-BLOODED INDIAN

DEAR ABBY: Now I know why the Lone Ranger never got the girl. They all ended up with Jay Silverheels, that good-looking Indian who played Tonto. -- SEMINOLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: Tell "Ed," "Yes, there are many closely guarded, secret Indian lovemaking tricks." You will notice that divorce is very rare among Indians. That's because they know how to please their women.

Secrets like the "Apache grip" and the "Kickapoo twist" will never be sold or given away by a true Indian. -- MIKE WHITEFEATHER IN SEATTLE

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Ed in East Illinois": I have lived with a Mandan Indian for five years, and I wouldn't trade him for FIVE white lovers. He is the greatest! -- LINDA IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: I am one-half Indian and have had two Indian squaws, who both ran off with white men. Apparently the "closely guarded secrets" of lovemaking from the Indian side of my family were not passed on to me. -- LONELY WOLF IN HOUSTON

CONFIDENTIAL TO "WILLIE IN WACO": Yes, there are plenty of dangers. Sometimes just the thought of getting into hot water keeps a guy clean.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My problem may seem small to some, but to me it's very important. My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years, during which time he has been a good husband and provider. He has only one fault, which really irritates me. He surely must take vitamin "I" because that's his favorite word.

When he talks about a trip we took together, he says, "When I went to Yosemite," or he'll say, "I have a grandson" or, "I own some land." He talks as though he doesn't have a wife. I may as well be dead. It makes me feel so small and insignificant. It's terribly humiliating.

Is it wrong to feel hurt about this? Don't suggest that I talk to my husband. I have, and it's done no good. -- HURT

DEAR HURT: Your husband's overdose of vitamim "I" has probably become addictive by now, but if he's a good man, he'll make a conscious effort to avoid hurting you. Remind him that vitamin "WE" is good for marriage, and ask him to leave vitamin "I" on the shelf for a while.

DEAR ABBY: In a courtship between a woman 65 and a man 67, who should offer the first kiss?

Please don't think this is a joke. It isn't. I am a widow and he is a widower, and we are getting very close to where I will need the answer to the above question.

If he should make the first move in that direction, I want to know if I should act coy, or should I respond? Or am I the one who should make the advance to let him know I am not adverse to a romantic relationship? (I am not, but I don't want to push for it.)

Women used to sit back and let the men make all the overtures, but perhaps women's lib has changed all that. Or has it? -- PROPER BUT PUZZLED

DEAR PUZZLED: If you feel like kissing him, go ahead and kiss him. He'll probably meet you halfway and beat you to the finish line.

DEAR ABBY: I feel just terrible. A friend of ours brought a young woman over for us to meet. (His wife died about a year ago.)

She was very loud, talkative and bossy, which was disappointing to us because we knew his first wife, who was a real lady.

The following day, the man came over alone and asked us what we thought of his lady friend. We told him the truth.

Well, you guessed it. They are being married, and we are not invited to the reception!

Were we wrong in being honest? My husband thinks we were. -- CAN'T LIE

DEAR CAN'T: Honesty is always the best policy, but you should know that no man wants an honest opinion of a horse after he's bought it.

This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need help and don't know where to turn anymore.

My husband and I have been separated for more than two years. I still love him, but there is no chance of our getting back together again.

Abby, how do you stop loving somebody? I've been going to group therapy meetings, but it has not helped to stop the ache in my heart. Misery may love company, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Maybe a reader who has gone through the same thing can give me some suggestions. -- ACHING HEART

DEAR ACHING: You can't "kill" love. It has to die by itself. Don't dwell on thoughts of him, and throw out all the reminders and souvenirs.

Force yourself to think of something else. Keep busy, and don't feel sorry for yourself. Tell yourself you deserve to be happy, and eventually you will be. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a baby who is learning to feed himself. I am almost positive that Terry is left-handed because when I put the spoon in his right hand, he transfers it to his left and proceeds eating that way.

My husband says I should train Terry to be right-handed because everything is geared for right-handed people and the boy will be handicapped if he's left-handed. Now my husband is forcing Terry to eat with his right hand.

What do your experts say? -- YOUNG MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: My experts say to let the child eat with whichever hand he wants to. To force Terry to use his right hand when he is naturally left-handed could create many more problems than it solves.

Besides, what's the difference which hand he eats with? His mouth is in the middle.

DEAR ABBY: I and several friends have hit upon an idea for losing weight, as far out as it may seem. We pull our shades down, lock the door, and then clean house in the NUDE.

We noticed overweight women do NOT tend to look at themselves in mirrors as much as more slender women. Well, in cleaning house (which is itself exercise) we force ourselves to look at our bodies. Our only rule is, try to keep the stomach muscles pulled in while cleaning. It's hard at first. But actually seeing the muscles tightened helps one to keep them taut after the body is clothed.

Most of us have mirrors in every room. As we go from room to room cleaning, we can't help but come face-to-face with ourselves. This may sound crazy, but I promise it works if done in earnest. -- "AUSTIN"

DEAR "AUSTIN": Now, in addition, if you could arrange to watch yourselves EAT, you might have it made. (P.S. And should you decide to cook in the nude, do wear an apron while frying bacon.)

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)