DEAR ABBY: My problem may seem small to some, but to me it's very important. My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years, during which time he has been a good husband and provider. He has only one fault, which really irritates me. He surely must take vitamin "I" because that's his favorite word.

When he talks about a trip we took together, he says, "When I went to Yosemite," or he'll say, "I have a grandson" or, "I own some land." He talks as though he doesn't have a wife. I may as well be dead. It makes me feel so small and insignificant. It's terribly humiliating.

Is it wrong to feel hurt about this? Don't suggest that I talk to my husband. I have, and it's done no good. -- HURT

DEAR HURT: Your husband's overdose of vitamim "I" has probably become addictive by now, but if he's a good man, he'll make a conscious effort to avoid hurting you. Remind him that vitamin "WE" is good for marriage, and ask him to leave vitamin "I" on the shelf for a while.

DEAR ABBY: In a courtship between a woman 65 and a man 67, who should offer the first kiss?

Please don't think this is a joke. It isn't. I am a widow and he is a widower, and we are getting very close to where I will need the answer to the above question.

If he should make the first move in that direction, I want to know if I should act coy, or should I respond? Or am I the one who should make the advance to let him know I am not adverse to a romantic relationship? (I am not, but I don't want to push for it.)

Women used to sit back and let the men make all the overtures, but perhaps women's lib has changed all that. Or has it? -- PROPER BUT PUZZLED

DEAR PUZZLED: If you feel like kissing him, go ahead and kiss him. He'll probably meet you halfway and beat you to the finish line.

DEAR ABBY: I feel just terrible. A friend of ours brought a young woman over for us to meet. (His wife died about a year ago.)

She was very loud, talkative and bossy, which was disappointing to us because we knew his first wife, who was a real lady.

The following day, the man came over alone and asked us what we thought of his lady friend. We told him the truth.

Well, you guessed it. They are being married, and we are not invited to the reception!

Were we wrong in being honest? My husband thinks we were. -- CAN'T LIE

DEAR CAN'T: Honesty is always the best policy, but you should know that no man wants an honest opinion of a horse after he's bought it.

This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need help and don't know where to turn anymore.

My husband and I have been separated for more than two years. I still love him, but there is no chance of our getting back together again.

Abby, how do you stop loving somebody? I've been going to group therapy meetings, but it has not helped to stop the ache in my heart. Misery may love company, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Maybe a reader who has gone through the same thing can give me some suggestions. -- ACHING HEART

DEAR ACHING: You can't "kill" love. It has to die by itself. Don't dwell on thoughts of him, and throw out all the reminders and souvenirs.

Force yourself to think of something else. Keep busy, and don't feel sorry for yourself. Tell yourself you deserve to be happy, and eventually you will be. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a baby who is learning to feed himself. I am almost positive that Terry is left-handed because when I put the spoon in his right hand, he transfers it to his left and proceeds eating that way.

My husband says I should train Terry to be right-handed because everything is geared for right-handed people and the boy will be handicapped if he's left-handed. Now my husband is forcing Terry to eat with his right hand.

What do your experts say? -- YOUNG MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: My experts say to let the child eat with whichever hand he wants to. To force Terry to use his right hand when he is naturally left-handed could create many more problems than it solves.

Besides, what's the difference which hand he eats with? His mouth is in the middle.

DEAR ABBY: I and several friends have hit upon an idea for losing weight, as far out as it may seem. We pull our shades down, lock the door, and then clean house in the NUDE.

We noticed overweight women do NOT tend to look at themselves in mirrors as much as more slender women. Well, in cleaning house (which is itself exercise) we force ourselves to look at our bodies. Our only rule is, try to keep the stomach muscles pulled in while cleaning. It's hard at first. But actually seeing the muscles tightened helps one to keep them taut after the body is clothed.

Most of us have mirrors in every room. As we go from room to room cleaning, we can't help but come face-to-face with ourselves. This may sound crazy, but I promise it works if done in earnest. -- "AUSTIN"

DEAR "AUSTIN": Now, in addition, if you could arrange to watch yourselves EAT, you might have it made. (P.S. And should you decide to cook in the nude, do wear an apron while frying bacon.)

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Judy and I have been married for one month, and I have already filed for divorce. This is the second marriage for both of us.

The problem is Judy's 16-year-old daughter, Lynne. Lynne told her mother that if she stayed married to me, she'd go live with her father. Judy doesn't want Lynne to live with her father because he drinks. Also, Lynne threatened to get pregnant just for spite.

Judy insists that she loves me. She says she doesn't want a divorce and the solution would be for me to move out and get a separate apartment near here for two years until Lynne is 18.

Abby, I love Judy more than any woman I've ever known, but what kind of marriage would we have living in separate apartments?

Please tell me what to do. -- UNHAPPY IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UNHAPPY: Move out. But as long as you love Judy, don't push for a divorce until you are positive that you really want one. Lynne is blackmailing her mother, who can't be blamed for doing what she thinks is best for her daughter. Both the daughter and mother need counseling. I recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been invited to a wedding. My husband is unable to attend, so I am taking my 16-year-old cousin. She does not know the bride.

At the last four weddings this cousin attended, she caught the bride's bouquet. Maybe I should tell you that she is a very large and athletic girl who is fast on her feet.

I feel that because she is only 16 and has already caught four bouquets, she should not make an all-out effort to catch this one.

Don't you think she should give the bride's friends and relatives a chance to catch the bouquet? -- NO BOUQUETS FOR NORA

DEAR NO BOUQUETS: If you want to risk telling a "large, athletic girl who's fast on her feet" what to do, go ahead.

DEAR ABBY: I knew when I married my husband that his first love would always be horses. I never minded being second to a horse, but now I think a female biped has put me in third place.

This woman is not married. She has horses of her own and she relies on my husband for help and advice about her horses. They seem to spend a lot of time together. I am invited to join them, but what fun is there for me when there is nothing but horse talk?

People who know her say that she has no women friends, enjoys the company of men, but doesn't want the responsibilities of marriage.

I love my husband too much to leave him, but I was much happier before this horsey dame came along. My husband keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about, but for the first time in my life I am jealous. Please tell me what to do. -- THIRD PLACE

DEAR THIRD: Take it from the horse's mouth, your husband is probably just feeling his oats. Turn the twosome into a trio, brush up on your knowledge of horses, and you may win by a nose.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)