DEAR ABBY: Judy and I have been married for one month, and I have already filed for divorce. This is the second marriage for both of us.

The problem is Judy's 16-year-old daughter, Lynne. Lynne told her mother that if she stayed married to me, she'd go live with her father. Judy doesn't want Lynne to live with her father because he drinks. Also, Lynne threatened to get pregnant just for spite.

Judy insists that she loves me. She says she doesn't want a divorce and the solution would be for me to move out and get a separate apartment near here for two years until Lynne is 18.

Abby, I love Judy more than any woman I've ever known, but what kind of marriage would we have living in separate apartments?

Please tell me what to do. -- UNHAPPY IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UNHAPPY: Move out. But as long as you love Judy, don't push for a divorce until you are positive that you really want one. Lynne is blackmailing her mother, who can't be blamed for doing what she thinks is best for her daughter. Both the daughter and mother need counseling. I recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been invited to a wedding. My husband is unable to attend, so I am taking my 16-year-old cousin. She does not know the bride.

At the last four weddings this cousin attended, she caught the bride's bouquet. Maybe I should tell you that she is a very large and athletic girl who is fast on her feet.

I feel that because she is only 16 and has already caught four bouquets, she should not make an all-out effort to catch this one.

Don't you think she should give the bride's friends and relatives a chance to catch the bouquet? -- NO BOUQUETS FOR NORA

DEAR NO BOUQUETS: If you want to risk telling a "large, athletic girl who's fast on her feet" what to do, go ahead.

DEAR ABBY: I knew when I married my husband that his first love would always be horses. I never minded being second to a horse, but now I think a female biped has put me in third place.

This woman is not married. She has horses of her own and she relies on my husband for help and advice about her horses. They seem to spend a lot of time together. I am invited to join them, but what fun is there for me when there is nothing but horse talk?

People who know her say that she has no women friends, enjoys the company of men, but doesn't want the responsibilities of marriage.

I love my husband too much to leave him, but I was much happier before this horsey dame came along. My husband keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about, but for the first time in my life I am jealous. Please tell me what to do. -- THIRD PLACE

DEAR THIRD: Take it from the horse's mouth, your husband is probably just feeling his oats. Turn the twosome into a trio, brush up on your knowledge of horses, and you may win by a nose.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old woman with a problem I've never seen in your column.

I have been going with this man for six years. He is 43, and he says he can't marry me because he promised his mama before she died three years ago that he wouldn't get married until his daddy got married, as she didn't want his daddy to be left all alone. His daddy hasn't got anybody to marry, and he isn't even looking.

Abby, I am no spring chicken, and I need to know how I can get this man either to let me quit him or marry me. -- NO SPRING CHICKEN IN ADA, OKLA.

DEAR NO: Only a dumb cluck would coop herself up waiting for her boyfriend's daddy to marry. Get another rooster on the roster.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with Don for two years. I am 22 and he is 25.

I hear girls at the office talking about bringing covered dishes to family gatherings, going to his folks' or hers for dinner, or for the weekend or the holidays, and I get more heartsick every day.

I've begun to realize what marriage is all about. It's really belonging to someone who loves you enough to want to make you a member of his family.

Don is always telling me what a wonderful arrangement we have and how much he loves me.

The past several months, I've been asking myself: "If it's so wonderful and he loves me so much, why do we lie, sneak around and let people assume we are married?"

Why doesn't he ask me to marry him and become a member of his family? They don't even know I exist. -- HEARTSICK

DEAR HEARTSICK: Because he doesn't want a legal commitment. And if he is able to get all the benefits of marriage with none of the responsibilities, who can blame him? I am assuming he didn't kidnap you. You agreed to live with him without marriage. You walked into it of your own free will, and you're free to walk out. Why don't you? I think you're ready.

DEAR ABBY: When I first heard about topless swimsuits for girls, I thought it was just a lot of talk, but yesterday I actually saw one for sale in a store!

If women would consider wearing a topless swimsuit in public, we have reached a new low in our civilization -- even lower than the decadence that preceded the fall of the Roman empire.

Topless swimsuits? Have we lost all sense of decency? Who cares if we are bombed back to the Stone Age? What's left to save? -- MOTHER OF GIRLS

DEAR MOTHER: The bottoms.

Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband says that I snore, but I know I don't. One thing I know for certain is that HE snores; and if I don't fall asleep before he does, I am up all night. He tells me that he is up all night because of MY snoring, which is ridiculous because if he were up, he wouldn't be keeping me up with his snoring.

How can we find out the truth? Don't suggest we have a third party sleep with us, as I am very old-fashioned. -- HATTIE

DEAR HATTIE: Buy, rent or borrow a tape recorder and turn it on when you both retire. Whoever is awake while the other is snoring should say, "I am awake, so YOU must be snoring!" And that should settle it!

DEAR ABBY: My problem is a husband who thinks he's funny. I had a very nice dinner party at home the other night and was especially proud of the way everything turned out.

Well, when the guests were leaving, my husband said, "Come back soon because the only time I get a decent meal around here is when we have company." Everybody laughed, but I wanted to crawl into a hole.

He said that once before and it got a big laugh, so he pulled it again.

In the first place, Abby, it's not true. I pride myself on always feeding my family very well. I told him later I didn't think that crack was very funny, but he said, "I was only kidding."

Is there a clever retort I could use in case my husband the comic says that again? -- TICKED OFF IN TULSA

DEAR TICKED: You could say (only kidding, of course), "The only time my ever lovin' Scrooge gives me money for fancy groceries is when we have company."

DEAR ABBY: You had a letter in your column about people who were always mooching rides, and these moochers were called "schnorrers."

I would like to know where that term came from. We are one of the 200 families in the United States with the name of "Schnorr," and we object to the use of our name with such a meaning.

We hope that the Schnorr families in Oregon, New Mexico, Illinois and all other states feel as we do and that you get 199 more letters of protest. -- THE SCHNORRS OF ARIZONA

DEAR SCHNORRS: The verb "to beg" is "schnorren" in German. From it comes the noun "schnorrer" -- which means "a beggar, a panhandler, a moocher, a cheapskate, a chiseler, a bum, a drifter or a borrower." It can also mean a compulsive bargain hunter, bargainer or an impudent indigent.

The above information was "schnorred" (borrowed without permission) from "The Joys of Yiddish" -- a delightful and authoritative book written by Leo Rosten.

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.