DEAR ABBY: How tragically ironic that your column advocating concealing the cause of death to spare the feelings of the survivors appeared in the same issue of the Los Angeles Times as the obituary of the famous actor, James Franciscus, dead of emphysema at 57. I am happy to report that Burt Folkart's fine obituary plainly stated that Franciscus was a heavy smoker!

I tend to agree with your position -- with one glaring exception: When a prominent person dies of lung cancer, emphysema, pneumonia, or any other smoking-related disease -- (Ed Murrow, Steve McQueen, Yul Brynner, Nat Cole, Harry James, Lucille Ball, John Wayne, Zeppo Marx, Humphrey Bogart, Bette Davis, Sammy Davis, et al -- the list is endless), to suppress the fact that the deceased was a nicotine addict (as they almost always are), is to play into the hands of the cigarette manufacturers.

By the same token, juvenile criminals should always be identified, no matter how young. Perpetrators of adult crimes should be treated like adults, not coddled by the news media.

Incidentally, I am a retired dentist who has always told my smoking patients to worry less about the ugly brown stain on their teeth and more about the possibility of premature tobacco-caused death. -- MARVIN H. LEAF, D.D.S., LOS ANGELES

DEAR DR. LEAF: You said a mouthful.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Jack," agreed to be the best man at the upcoming wedding of his friend, "Alan."

Alan and I are acquainted, and he knows that Jack and I have been engaged for over a year. The problem is that I did not get an invitation to the wedding. Some mutual friends got their invitation a couple of weeks ago, so I know the invitations have already been sent out.

It is my understanding that the members of the wedding party should also be sent invitations as a matter of courtesy -- but Alan and his bride-to-be have not done this.

Jack says that they probably just assume that I will also attend, because he will be the best man.

Abby, I would feel uncomfortable going to a wedding and reception to which I was not invited.

Also, I'm not sure it was an innocent oversight, because Alan has tried to set Jack up with other women in the past, knowing full well he is engaged to me.

What should I do, if anything? -- SNUBBED

DEAR SNUBBED: Tell Jack that you are offended at having been "overlooked" -- and you'd feel more welcome if you were to receive an invitation. And since the bride sends the invitations, she should be reminded. But whether you receive a formal invitation or not, you'd be foolish to sit home while your fiance is dancing at the wedding!

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Can you stand one more letter about crazy wedding nights? My mother and dad have repeated this story often. Dad had relied on close friends to reserve the bridal suite in the Mallory -- a lovely old residential hotel in Portland, Ore. As it turned out, the friends didn't think it was necessary to make reservations, so they didn't bother. Well, as luck would have it, there was a plumbers' convention in town that week and, needless to say, every hotel was filled to capacity.

The manager of the Mallory was gracious enough to find them a place to sleep for the night. The first "room" they were offered was a closet under the stairs with no ventilation. The second option was the Women's Lounge located on the main floor of the hotel right off the lobby. They chose the lounge.

The management brought in two roll-away beds and hung a "CLOSED" sign on the door. Dad said he unscrewed hundreds of light bulbs from around the vanity mirrors because he couldn't find the light switch to turn them off.

My folks said there were about eight toilets in the room, and they never used the same one twice.

All night long women were knocking on their door -- trying to get in to use the restroom. They didn't get much sleep, but they had a lot of laughs and made the best of the situation.

Their union produced five children, and lasted until mother's death six months ago -- one month short of their 44th anniversary.

Dad's name is Leo Kacena. Mother's name was June. I'm their daughter. -- JOY SPRINGER, BELLFLOWER, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I read with sorrow your reply to "Forever a Baby" who couldn't understand why parents worry so much. You said, "It's every parent's nightmare that their child will be badly hurt or killed in an automobile accident." How true.

We worried about our two sons. One was fairly cautious -- the other was a speeder. We got them through high school and thought we were home free.

On April 8, our youngest son decided to ride to town with a friend who had been drinking. The friend drove too fast, and both were killed in a one-car accident.

To "Baby" I say, "Be glad you have parents who worry about you and have rules."

We will never be the same. -- HEARTBROKEN IN TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my condolences on the tragic loss of your beloved son. Perhaps your letter will serve as a reminder to others to be cautious about those with whom they choose to ride.

I recall an impressive ad promoted by Mothers Against Drunk Drivers: "Good friends don't let friends drive drunk!"

Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has never liked me, but time worsens things. She lives in another state, thank God, but she visits often.

Here is my gripe: One week after I gave birth to my second child, Mom was visiting me. I bent over to tie the laces of my firstborn's shoe, and she kicked me in the behind with her pointy-toed Western boot, then she let out a hearty laugh! My husband was right there, and he never said a word to her!

I later told a family friend about this incident and the friend couldn't believe it, so she went to my mother-in-law and asked her. Well, Mom wept hurt, humiliated tears, saying, "Why, I can't imagine why she (meaning me) would want to tell a lie like that and cause trouble!"

Now Mom is coming to visit us again. I told my husband that if that woman pulls any more stunts like kicking me with her Western boots, I will call 911 and have her evicted.

Don't suggest counseling -- it's a farce. My husband lies like his mother, and can double-talk his way out of anything. -- HAD IT WITH ROUGHNECKS

DEAR HAD IT: Don't call 911 -- that's for emergencies, not for a chronic pain in the behind.

Something must be wrong with your mother-in-law, and I think your husband must have inherited it. Just be grateful that "Mom" doesn't wear spurs.

DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid reader of your column for years. I am an African-American male, 30 years of age, who has been incarcerated for almost seven years now, convicted of second degree homicide and sentenced to serve 30 years.

While in the penitentiary, I completed all academic requirements for a B.S. degree in applied psychology.

I very much wish to become a registered nurse. Prior to my incarceration, I had completed two years of nursing school at a local four-year college. I intend to seek another undergraduate degree in nursing upon my release. The question is this: Will my being a convicted felon preclude me from pursuing a career in nursing?

I really do want to help people, Abby. Regretfully, it took this episode in my life to enable me to mature and come to an appreciation of life. I feel that nursing would also assist in my psychological healing as well. I am remorseful and I do regret my past actions. -- H.B.

DEAR H.B.: Each state has its own requirements regarding licensing to practice nursing. Upon your release, write to the State Board of Nursing located in the capital city of the state in which you would like to practice. And if you enclose a stamped envelope, addressed to yourself, your chances for a response may be increased.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)