DEAR READERS: A reader asked, "What do you think the parent of a facially disfigured child would want to hear when running into an old friend who has never seen the child before?"

My reply: "Only a person who has walked that path is qualified to answer that question. I hope someone who has will write and let me know. The answer would be helpful to many readers -- as well as to this columnist."

I was not prepared for the volume of mail I received. Some excerpts:

FROM ASHLAND, KY.: "DON'T say, 'Oh, my God! What happened to your child's face?' Brace yourself, then find something positive to say about the baby's bright eyes, lovely head of hair or the outfit the child is wearing. But don't mention the child's abnormality."

FROM LAKE JACKSON, TEXAS: "Do not ignore the child. A child with a deformity can see, hear and FEEL. Bend down and say, "Hi ya, little fella -- what's your name?' Ask his mother if you may pick him up and hold him. The child will feel accepted and the mother will bless you a hundred times in her prayers."

FROM YAKIMA, WASH.: "Don't try to comfort his mother with the 'news' that they are doing remarkable things with reconstructive surgery these days. Be assured that the parents are well aware of what can be done; they also know that it must be done in stages as the child grows. And the child has probably had many surgeries already."

FROM SHELBY, OHIO: "Treat him as you would treat a normal 2-year-old -- not ignoring the deformity, but not making an issue of it, either. This is not hypocritical; neither is it acceptance of it. It puts it in its proper perspective. Forget the 'I'm so sorry' stuff. The mother knows you're sorry -- and so is SHE!"

FROM EAST HARTFORD, CONN.: "Look behind the disfigurement and see the child beneath still too young to know that he is different. (He will learn all too soon.) Treat him as you would treat any other 2-year-old. What you say to the mother doesn't matter. If she wants to bring up the subject of the child's problem, she will, but she would much rather have him treated as a human being than discussed as a medical problem. His disfigurement probably can be cured in time, but the damage to him personally from being treated as less than human may not be."

FROM DALLAS: "God gives these special children something that others will never develop in a lifetime. We've suffered more from prejudice and ignorant remarks than the difficulty of coping with our child's multiple handicaps. One stranger actually said, 'How brave of you to take him out in public instead of putting him away in some institution with people of his own kind.'"

FROM LONG ISLAND: "Thank you, Abby, from the bottom of my heart for opening the door of opportunity for these letters. The public needs to be educated."

CONFIDENTIAL TO "C. IN EVERETT, WASH.": "Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance, self-control, diligence, strength of will, contentment, and a hundred other virtues which the idle never know." -- CHARLES KINGSLEY

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Five or six years ago, you had a prayer for dieters in your column written in the style of the 23rd Psalm. I cut it out of the Rocky Mountain News in Denver. My copy is falling apart. Would you please print it again? -- PATRICIA OWENS, COMMERCE CITY, COLO.

DEAR PATRICIA: This prayer has been around since the invention of the three-way mirror, and here it is:

CALORIE COUNTER'S PRAYER

The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.

He maketh me lie down and do push-ups,

He giveth me sodium-free bread,

He restoreth my waistline.

He leadeth me past the refrigerator for mine own sake.

He maketh me to partake of green beans instead of potatoes,

He leadeth me past the pizzeria.

Yea, though I walk through the bakery,

I shall not falter, for thou art with me;

Thy diet colas they comfort me.

Thou preparest a diet for me in the presence of mine enemies,

Thou anointest my lettuce with low-cal oil.

My cup will not overflow.

Surely Ry Krisp and D-Zerta shall follow me all the days of my life,

And I will live with pains of hunger forever. Amen.

DEAR ABBY: I think I'm in love with my husband's best friend. (I'll call him Rob.) I have known him almost as long as I've known my husband. Very often, the three of us will go to the movies, bowling, parties, etc. When Rob is with us, I always have a wonderful time. He keeps me laughing, and he's interesting company. When I go out with my husband alone, it's usually dull and boring. It's getting to the point where I'd rather go out with Rob than my husband.

When I know that Rob is out on a date, I get upset and jealous. Some weekends when I'm tired, Rob will come over and fix dinner for me and my husband. He does a lot of nice things for us that my husband will not do.

I think about Rob constantly. This man has never said or done anything to suggest that our friendship is more than friendship. Am I in love with Rob? Or just bored with my husband? -- IN DOUBT IN TEXAS

DEAR IN DOUBT: Perhaps a little of both. However, if you value your marriage, it's time to break up the threesome. You and your husband should investigate outings for couples that offer a refresher course in how to rejuvenate a stagnant marriage. (Check with your church or a local college.)

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DEAR ABBY: You told a woman that if reconciliation with her estranged son is not successful, she and her husband can leave their money to their favorite charity or to their local animal shelter.

A few years ago, I might have said the same thing. But my drive to work takes me through the streets of downtown Los Angeles, where hundreds of men, women and children live, scrounge through trash cans for garbage to eat, and warm themselves by bonfires they light in the street at night. I've seen grown men using the streets for a public restroom, with looks of anguish and great embarrassment on their faces as I drive by.

Given the awesome task of helping such people, it grieves me to think of people with money to give away donating it to animals. The number of children without food, people without jobs and families without homes is growing daily, and it appears that the government isn't going to do much about it at the moment. -- FEMALE EXECUTIVE

DEAR EXECUTIVE: Must one make a choice? I would hope the human heart would be big enough to provide ample food and shelter for all God's living creatures. But in a country as wealthy as ours, for people to be scrounging in trash cans for garbage to eat is a national disgrace.

DEAR ABBY: I have decided to end our marriage. The reason for our divorce is my wife's marital indiscretions. We are well known in town, and our family and close friends were utterly shocked when they heard the news.

My problem: I do not want anyone thinking that I have been a less-than-decent, caring husband and father. There was no wrongdoing on my part. My wife, although appearing to be a very decent, moral woman, chose to ignore her vows to "forsake all others," if you get my drift -- and I think you do.

I do not wish publicly to slander her, but mutual friends are treating me somewhat coldly because I initiated the divorce.

At the present time, I am not speaking to my wife, which is perceived as being cruel; however, I feel that this is appropriate in light of her indiscretions.

So, should I remain silent and try to ignore my friends' cold shoulders? -- MR. X

DEAR MR. X: Whether you want to speak to your wife is your own business, but for you to "let people know" that she violated her marriage vows will make you look like a cad. It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself.

CONFIDENTIAL TO TALKED ABOUT IN NEW ORLEANS: Keep your character in mint condition, and your reputation will take care of itself.

This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)