DEAR ABBY: Your advice to the Arizona woman whose family was banned from the church was right. You told her to complain to someone higher in the church. However, I hope she had better luck than I had.

I am a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. The new pastor of my church did not know me, but she refused to speak to me; in effect, she ostracized my children and their terminally ill father from their congregation.

Apparently, my "sin" was providing shelter to another pastor who had two children, no job, no place to live and very little money. When I complained to the bishop, I was told that since I had given the appearance of having "traduced" (defamed or slandered) my marriage vows, my family could be treated whichever way the pastor wanted.

The head of the church refused to comment on the matter, saying this was a local issue, and he chose not to get involved. The local synod council did not respond at all.

Abby, please tell your readers that all clergy are human beings. By definition, 50 percent are below average, and sometimes you hit the bottom 10 percent. If the clergy do not practice what they preach, run -- do not walk -- to the nearest exit, and let them know why you are running away. -- NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEW JERSEY: What an eye-opener my mail has been this week! Most of us were raised to believe that all members of the clergy are somehow closer to God, and therefore superior beings. But, alas, they too are only human.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has enjoyed your column in the Tampa Tribune for many years. I am in my mid-30s, stand 5 feet 11 inches, weigh 155 and appear to be as strong as an ox, so because of my size, I am asked to do some jobs you wouldn't ask a professional mover to do without a helper.

I clean houses for a living, and my clients ask, "Would you please move that hutch (fully loaded), or the refrigerator, or the king-size bed, or a huge dresser, and clean behind it today?" This has gone on for 10 years, and until just recently, I never had the right answer to give to these clods until one day it hit me!

Now when I am asked to move the piano or the refrigerator, I ask sweetly, "Do you have enough insurance to cover any injury I may get from moving this?" They get the picture real fast.

When I worked in an office in my early 20s, I was asked to move desks, filing cabinets and haul in boxes that had been delivered. No more! Sign me ... AIN'T NO OX

DEAR AIN'T: Thanks for a great letter as well as a valuable suggestion for big women who, because of their size, are asked to do more than their job descriptions call for.

CONFIDENTIAL TO YOU: Make this holiday a happy one. If you're drinking, don't drive. And if you're driving, don't drink.

P.S. Happy birthday, Sissie!

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Now that vacation season has begun, will you please answer a question many people must have wondered about?

Every room in a hotel or motel has the management's "rights" posted. But what about the rights of the people renting that room?

Recently, my husband and I stopped in a small motel in Dade City, Fla. After we checked in, we learned that 10 of the 20 rooms were occupied by members of a family having a reunion! They pulled their cars into a circle in the parking lot, turned up their radios, got out their coolers and had a party. The noise and the laughter could have awakened the dead. And it went on until 2 a.m. Several of the other guests complained, but the owner sort of shrugged and indicated, "Too bad."

One man with a New York tag said he will never come to Florida again, which seemed a bit extreme -- but we were all furious. Abby, are there "rights" for travelers in a motel unaffiliated with a chain? -- UNHAPPY TRAVELER

DEAR UNHAPPY: Whether a motel is affiliated with a chain or not, it owes its occupants an atmosphere suitable for sleeping. Occasionally, even the best motels will have a noisy occupant, but the management usually makes an honest effort to quiet the disturbance. Sorry you picked a lemon.

Next time, before you register, ask whether there are any "conventions" booked during your stay. (I once stayed at a hotel on prom night -- and the revelry rivaled New Year's Eve's.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of my granddaughter who has a set of triplets, now 7 months old.

Abby, please ask your readers to kindly refrain from stopping the parents of multiple-birth children to ask a lot of personal questions such as, "Did you take fertility drugs?"

Whenever my granddaughter takes her triplets out -- even for a breath of fresh air or grocery shopping -- she is stopped by people who want to take a look at the triplets and ask a lot of questions. It's so difficult for her to get her shopping done, or even take a leisurely walk.

Since you are a twin, you can probably feel for my granddaughter. -- CALIFORNIA GRANNY

DEAR GRANNY: Twins or triplets are sure to attract attention, so the person accompanying them had better be prepared to answer a lot of questions. (A double or triple buggy alone is an attention-getter.) Should a stranger ask a question that you feel is too personal to answer, let your response be, ""Forgive me if I choose not to answer so personal a question."

DEAR ABBY: "Wrong Guy in Cleveland," who gets numerous messages on his answering machine from people who have dialed his number by mistake, should record a new message. A suggestion: "You have reached Pennsylvania 65000. Please leave your name and telephone number, and your call will be returned as soon as possible. Wait for the beep." -- RIGHT GUY IN ELIZABETH, N.J.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Do you believe that a child who is 6 1/2 years old should be told the truth, regardless of what it is?

Here is the situation: Dad is in jail for one year. Please understand, my husband didn't steal anything, nor did he commit a violent crime. However, he was found guilty of driving drunk -- it was his third offense. If you think our son should be told the truth, how do you feel about my taking him to visit his father in jail? Or do you think it would be better to tell him that Daddy is away "on business" and he may be gone for quite a long time?

I can't describe the humiliation our family has endured. It was reported in the newspaper, but this is a large city and not everyone is aware of it. -- WITHHOLD MY NAME, PLEASE

DEAR WITHHOLD: I think you should tell your son the truth, and tell him now, before someone else does. I also believe that you should take the boy to visit his father -- for his sake as well as for his father's.

These are troubled times for your family. But it is not the end of the world. And this too shall pass.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter without my wife's knowledge. She wears makeup all day, and she never takes it off before going to bed. Instead, she washes her face in the morning, then applies her makeup for that day.

She has a very nice complexion, but I wonder if she is doing damage to her skin by sleeping in her makeup every night. -- HER HUSBAND

DEAR HUSBAND: I consulted Dr. Arnold Klein, top-notch Beverly Hills dermatologist, who said (much to my surprise), "Sleeping in makeup does no more damage to the skin than wearing makeup all day. Many women feel that in the interest of 'cleanliness' they need to scrub their faces daily with the same vigor they would use in scrubbing their kitchen floor. And please, tell your readers that exposure to the sun without a sunscreen, plus the ordinary pollutants in the air, do far more damage to a woman's skin than cosmetics."

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from the director of the Elder Health Program at the University of Maryland. She advised people to take responsibility for their own health care.

I work in a doctor's office, and you would be amazed at the number of people who call in for refills on their medicines and don't even know the names of them. They ask for "blood pressure pills," or "the little yellow ones." Granted, we have their medications recorded on their charts, but that won't help them if they're in an accident and unable to speak.

Everyone who takes medication, elderly and young alike, should write down the names and dosages on a piece of paper and keep it in their wallets. And every time the doctor changes the dosage or adds a new medication, the patient should make note of it on the paper he or she carries. Also write down any allergies on the same paper.

Help us health givers keep you healthy. -- JUDY G., ORMAND BEACH, FLA.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)