DEAR ABBY: Do you believe that a child who is 6 1/2 years old should be told the truth, regardless of what it is?

Here is the situation: Dad is in jail for one year. Please understand, my husband didn't steal anything, nor did he commit a violent crime. However, he was found guilty of driving drunk -- it was his third offense. If you think our son should be told the truth, how do you feel about my taking him to visit his father in jail? Or do you think it would be better to tell him that Daddy is away "on business" and he may be gone for quite a long time?

I can't describe the humiliation our family has endured. It was reported in the newspaper, but this is a large city and not everyone is aware of it. -- WITHHOLD MY NAME, PLEASE

DEAR WITHHOLD: I think you should tell your son the truth, and tell him now, before someone else does. I also believe that you should take the boy to visit his father -- for his sake as well as for his father's.

These are troubled times for your family. But it is not the end of the world. And this too shall pass.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter without my wife's knowledge. She wears makeup all day, and she never takes it off before going to bed. Instead, she washes her face in the morning, then applies her makeup for that day.

She has a very nice complexion, but I wonder if she is doing damage to her skin by sleeping in her makeup every night. -- HER HUSBAND

DEAR HUSBAND: I consulted Dr. Arnold Klein, top-notch Beverly Hills dermatologist, who said (much to my surprise), "Sleeping in makeup does no more damage to the skin than wearing makeup all day. Many women feel that in the interest of 'cleanliness' they need to scrub their faces daily with the same vigor they would use in scrubbing their kitchen floor. And please, tell your readers that exposure to the sun without a sunscreen, plus the ordinary pollutants in the air, do far more damage to a woman's skin than cosmetics."

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from the director of the Elder Health Program at the University of Maryland. She advised people to take responsibility for their own health care.

I work in a doctor's office, and you would be amazed at the number of people who call in for refills on their medicines and don't even know the names of them. They ask for "blood pressure pills," or "the little yellow ones." Granted, we have their medications recorded on their charts, but that won't help them if they're in an accident and unable to speak.

Everyone who takes medication, elderly and young alike, should write down the names and dosages on a piece of paper and keep it in their wallets. And every time the doctor changes the dosage or adds a new medication, the patient should make note of it on the paper he or she carries. Also write down any allergies on the same paper.

Help us health givers keep you healthy. -- JUDY G., ORMAND BEACH, FLA.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a male relative who puts his arms around me, holds me close, and hugs me every time he sees me.

I have hinted that I don't like it, but to no avail. When I casually mentioned this to his wife, she smiled and said, "People who experience physical contact tend to have fewer emotional problems."

Abby, this may be true, but as far as I'm concerned, every time he does this to me, I feel manhandled, and I dislike it intensely.

If I were to take harsh measures, my other relatives would say I'm being foolish -- he is just being friendly.

Please tell me how to handle this situation. I am not a child. -- YOUNG FEMALE ADULT

DEAR YOUNG FEMALE ADULT: Quit hinting, and when this male relative approaches you, give him the straight-arm and this short speech: "From now on, no more hugging, please. I don't mean to be unfriendly, but I really am not into hugging."

And if his wife again interjects her opinion with regard to physical contact and emotional problems, you smile and tell her that you don't need that much physical contact -- and you'll take your chances with "emotional problems," should any occur.

DEAR ABBY: I don't lie, steal, swear, gamble or cheat on my husband. I don't do drugs, cheat on my taxes, abuse my children or run stop signs. I don't chew my fingernails, drink to excess, overeat, gossip or spit on the sidewalk. But I am addicted to cigarettes, and consequently, I am subjected to verbal and emotional abuse by non-smokers.

I know what it is like to be treated like a second-class citizen. I am told where I may and may not sit. I have been told that I stink, I'm weak, and I ought to be ashamed of myself.

So what do I do? I go out in the alley and light a cigarette to comfort myself and calm my nerves. Am I such a bad person? -- GUILTY IN ANTIGO, WIS.

DEAR GUILTY: No, you are not a "bad" person. You are just one of millions of smokers who are addicted to cigarettes and are not yet ready to do whatever it takes to free yourself of this addiction. When you're ready, call the National Cancer Institute's Cancer Information Service. Its toll-free number is (800) 4-CANCER.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a friend visiting me. She brought her children along. I noticed that her children were playing at my desk where I keep my jewelry in a drawer.

After they left, I discovered that one of my rings was missing. Should I tell my friend? -- ANXIOUS

DEAR ANXIOUS: Yes. But before telling her, search everywhere you think the ring might be, to make certain that it is nowhere to be found -- not just misplaced.

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I read your column and discuss the letters and your replies. We usually agree with your answers. Now we have a question for you:

Let's say that "Mary" was shopping and ran into a young woman she had known in college -- we'll call her Beatrice. Beatrice had her 2-year-old son in a stroller, and when Mary looked at the little boy, she wasn't prepared for the shock she got. The child's face was terribly deformed and disfigured!

What should Mary have said -- if anything?

My friend said, "I would have ignored the abnormality and said something like, 'My, what a sweet child. How old is he?'"

I said, "I would have been more honest and said something like, 'I'm sorry about your baby, but I hear they are able to do amazing reconstructive surgery now.'"

Abby, what do you think a parent of a facially disfigured child would want to hear? My friend and I are hoping you will respond in your column. It would be helpful to many readers. -- NO NAME OR CITY, PLEASE

DEAR NO NAME: Just when I think I've seen everything, along comes a letter such as this one.

Only a person who has walked that path is qualified to answer that question. I hope someone who has will write and let me know. The answer would be helpful to many readers -- as well as to this columnist.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who insists he is not addicted to tobacco because he doesn't smoke cigarettes -- he smokes a pipe! He says, "I don't inhale, so a pipe can't hurt me."

Meanwhile, his wife inhales his secondhand smoke all day, and it must hurt because she has a respiratory problem and a chronic cough. This man claims he doesn't have a habit, yet he is never seen without some kind of pipe -- which he constantly is lighting, packing with tobacco, tapping into an ashtray or fiddling with in some manner.

He has a very impressive collection of pipes as well as a variety of fancy blends of tobacco, so it's apparent that he is not just a casual smoker. He brags that he could quit his pipe tomorrow and never miss it because he really doesn't have a habit.

Abby, I wonder whom is he kidding? -- AN OBSERVER

DEAR OBSERVER: Himself.

DEAR ABBY: The heartwarming letters you have published about people doing kind deeds impulsively for strangers prompts my first Dear Abby letter.

Every Saturday night, no matter what my husband and I did, we would always wind up at Baskin-Robbins for ice- cream cones. The same young girl always waited on Bob while I sat in the car -- a '66 T-Bird.

One night, with no warning whatsoever, my husband died of a heart attack. Although we had been married for 45 years, I was devastated.

About two months after my husband's death, I stopped by Baskin-Robbins for an ice-cream cone. The young girl remembered me because of the car, and said, "I've missed you. Where is your nice husband?"

I told her that he had died suddenly. "Oh, I'm very sorry," she said. "Please, wait a minute." Then she hurriedly packed a quart of our favorite flavor and handed it to me.

"No charge," she said softly. "Your husband was such a fine gentleman."

I was so touched, I cried. -- VIRGINIA DARE LUDWIG, TUSTIN, CALIF.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)