DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I used to have a major crush on a guy at work. At the time I started working with him we were both in relationships with other people. I was living with my boyfriend and he was engaged. We might have had a little flirty talk, but we were both otherwise committed.
That was nearly five years ago. Since then I have been in two other relationships and he got married. Through all this time we have stayed work friends.
Last month he told me he and his wife were splitting up. It was clearly very hard for him. It was her decision and he was in the process of moving out of their house. I told him he could crash at my place since my roommate is almost never around because she’s always with her boyfriend. He thanked me for the offer and said he was staying with his sister and her family.
Most of our workgroup goes out a few times a month and my friend and I usually end up spending most of the time talking to each other. He is a truly good guy, but I know and he knows we are just friends and neither of us is looking for anything else.
That isn’t how a load of other people see it. Most of the people at work really believe something is going on between us. Fact is, I am interested in a guy I met at the gym, and my friend from work is so heartbroken the last thing on his mind is hooking up with anyone — on any level beyond friendship.
How do I get people to understand we are just friends? It is embarrassing for both of us to hear the “cute” little comments at work. --- REALLY JUST FRIENDS
DEAR REALLY JUST FRIENDS: Tongues will wag, regardless of what truth you use to stop them.
Gossip has a way of fizzling out if it has nothing to feed it, and so long as you and your friend keep things on obviously strictly business terms at work, most likely your coworkers will tire of the jibing, or will turn their attention to something new — especially if you don’t put in too much effort denying their allegations, which only gives them more to tease you about.