DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I sometimes feel guilty that ever since my husband and I retired last year we are honestly so busy we are actually less available to help babysit our four grandkids than we were when my husband was working fulltime and I had a flextime job.
We are enjoying life, but we do sometimes say how we miss seeing the grandkids like we used to when I’d have them for a day and they’d still be over at our house when my husband got back in from work.
I know it’s made things a little harder on our two daughters, one of whom works three days a week outside the home, and one who is running a small cleaning business from her house. My being able to take my grandchildren for even a few hours a week was a big help, they both said, and they also said that they have more juggling to do without the help I was able to give them.
Full retirement is still new to my husband and me, and I think in time things will settle down and we’ll be able to do some more babysitting. But that doesn’t help with my guilt now.
Am I being too hard on myself, or am I actually letting my daughters down? --- FEELING GUILTY
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: As you seem well aware, you and your husband are going through a major life change, and giving yourself a chance to make a few adjustments seems to me to be a perfectly reasonable thing to do. This doesn’t mean you intend to abandon either your grandchildren or their mothers.
Hopefully it’ll happen that you’ll be able to work in more opportunities to be with your grandchildren, not so much as caregivers, but rather as grandparents sharing time with their grandchildren. That might help make you feel less guilty about how much time you spend with your grandchildren and how much you can help your daughters.
Until that happens, put away your guilt and enjoy this new phase of your life.