DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My ex-wife and I did not agree on nearly enough to keep us together. When it comes to our kids, though, we are a solid team and work to instill good qualities and good character in them. Until recently I always thought we did a good job of that.
My younger daughter, a junior in high school, started a job at a fancy Beverly Hills dog groomer’s shop. She has told her mom and me since she was tiny she wants to work with dogs, and we have always encouraged her to find ways to work closely with them, starting with assisting the groomer at the animal hospital where our dogs and cats have been going to for years.
Three months ago she was recommended by our vet for this job she is in now, and we encouraged her to go for it. Her mother and I take turns getting her to and from her after school and weekend shifts, so we both get time with her.
The place she works is one where stars and celebrities take their pets. She said she is not allowed to say who their clients are, but she is clearly impressed.
The staff is not large, so she gets to jump in not only as the groomer’s assistant, but checking pets in and out. This means she rubs shoulders with some big names. Her mother, and more so I, have noticed how her attitude has changed for the worse since starting the new job.
Neither my ex-wife nor I were born rich, but through hard work we have done more than OK. We always tried to make sure our kids did not become spoiled or snotty, especially living where we do. But our daughter is coming off as both since she started this new job.
I told her mother I think it is best if our daughter found another way to feed her love of animals and save money towards her education. She could go back to our vet’s or another area vet’s, or to a pet store, or even one of the dog walking or sitting companies right near her house.
My ex does not agree and thinks we should not interfere and take away this job our daughter is enjoying so much.
Who is right here? --- WANT MY SWEET GIRL BACK
DEAR WANT MY SWEET GIRL BACK: It isn’t only teenage girls who get their heads turned by brushes with the rich and famous.
I believe your ex-wife may be right in letting your daughter stick with the job, at least for a while longer. The two of you could speak to her about the less than pleasant changes you’re seeing and let her know you don’t like them.
She may not be aware she’s becoming someone different, and the greater character-building exercise would be for her to find her way back to the grounded girl you feel she’s always been, despite the atmosphere at the grooming shop.
If giving her a chance to return on her own to what you see as a better track doesn’t work, then it might be time to separate her from the influences you think are bad for her.