DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: There is a woman I used to work with at my first job. She was getting close to retiring when I first knew her, and shortly after I moved onto a better job she took her retirement.
I learned so much from her while we worked together, and we have become good friends in the last few years. We often get together. When she has me over to her place, I get to also visit with her two Golden Retriever puppies and her three cats. She also has a cockatoo and fosters two other Goldens for a local rescue.
I have no idea how my friend can afford to take care of all these animals. So far as I know she is on a fixed income, most of it Social Security and small pensions from her late husband and from where we both worked together.
She told me the rescue covers almost all the costs of the dogs she fosters, but she spends plenty on them in treats and other things she does not submit to the rescue for reimbursement, and she told me she is seriously considering adopting the two fosters, since they and the puppies all get along.
I worry she is going to go broke caring for all her pets. I have mentioned this possibility to her, and she tells me these are her family, that she has no children or grandchildren, so who or what else would she want to spend her money on?
I don’t believe she really understands what she has gotten herself into and that she will run out of money when she needs it the most.
I also worry that she will be so tied down from caring for all these animals she will never get out of the house for more than short breaks. Already she only goes out when she absolutely has to, like for doctor’s appointments or necessary shopping, or for the few times she meets me for lunch or dinner.
How do I get her to understand she needs to rethink taking on the full cost and care commitment for any more animals especially since once she adopts the fosters, she’s on the hook for ALL their expenses? --- WORRIED FOR MY FRIEND
DEAR WORRIED FOR MY FRIEND: Your friend sounds like a big-hearted lady. Still I see why you’re concerned about the potential financial and social tolls of her generosity, and hopefully you’ve spoken to her about how you feel about them.
You mentioned sources of income with which you’re familiar. It may be your friend has others you’re unaware of that will provide her with funds if and when she needs them, even if she adopts the two fosters.
In addition to the financial considerations, you’re right to keep an eye on her reluctance to leave her home. That’s the sort of mindset that can progress to her not wanting to go out at all, even for the essentials. I’ve seen it happen; and home grocery deliveries and telehealth visits have the ability to further reduce her already limited exposure to the world outside her house if she starts taking advantage of them.
Beyond sharing your worries over extending her pet care commitments, you might consider doing some research on her behalf to see if there are organizations or services in your area dedicated to helping people with limited incomes cover pet expenses should they become overwhelming.
To help give your friend some flexibility in getting herself out of the house, you might also check into low- or no-cost pet watching options in your community, including pet watching co-ops, neighborhood teens, and veterinary staff who do pet sitting jobs on the side.