DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband’s ex-wife is absolutely beautiful. I can never deny it. It was partially why the marriage didn’t last. Men and women flirt with her all the time, and more than once, she failed to resist the temptation that went with the flirtation.
Both my kids and my husband’s from his first marriage attend the same schools. That means we often run into his ex at school-sponsored events and games. My stepson plays varsity football at our high school, and both his mother and my husband are active booster members.
I know my husband is over his ex. She did a good job of smashing his heart with her serial affairs. Still, it is not always easy to see how everyone reacts when she shows up somewhere. The man she is with now gets hit with the “lucky dog” reaction from the adult men, who are mesmerized by her looks.
I can see my stepson get physically agitated when he’s around all the adoration of his mother. It isn’t always of a very flattering type, and he has told me that some of his friends have told her his mom’s definitely a MILF.
This is not the kind of thing a 16-year-old-boy needs or wants to hear.
My husband knows about this, but doesn’t have a clue what to say to his son. So he says nothing.
I have some ideas, such as to let my stepson know his friends’ and their dads’ reaction to his mom is a natural male response to an attractive female, and that sort of thing.
At least we would be letting him know we are aware of what is going on and how it may be affecting him. That opens the door to his talking to us, both his dad and me, about it if he feels the need.
Doesn’t it seem like a better idea to try and face the situation rather than not doing anything about it at all? --- NEED TO OPEN THE CONVERSATION
DEAR NEED TO OPEN THE CONVERSATION: I agree it wouldn’t be a bad idea for at least his father to open a channel of communication with your stepson about how people respond to his mother’s looks.
One specific aspect you might want to be prepared to deal with is what, if any, rumors have reached your stepson about why his parents’ marriage ended.
Some people love to conjecture and gossip about what goes wrong in other people’s relationships, often getting creative with the facts of what really happened — and I’d imagine this is a greater possibility if any of the other parents currently active in your kids’ school were around when your husband and his ex were going through their divorce.