DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother-in-law has had to be tough. She was widowed at an early age, right before my husband was born. She ended up taking over the IT business my father-in-law was starting up with two of his college friends when they decided it was too precarious and the two men went back to their old jobs. She not only made it work, but it became one of the top ten IT companies in the state, and won multiple government contracts, which have been renewed year after year.

It has always made sense to me why she has had to be tough and focused. What is hard to deal with sometimes is how she keeps that same attitude going even in her personal life.

Since our daughter was born, she seems to tell me more and more often how best to raise her, just like she told me how I should run my house when we first moved into it.

She does sometimes give me really good advice without any kind of judgments, but that does not happen too often.

When she is tough, she is really tough, and it intimidates me, which I don’t like and don’t think I deserve

I get she has had to be tough, but why extend that to her family life? --- NOT OFTEN WARM AND FUZZY

DEAR NOT OFTEN WARM AND FUZZY: Some people are more adept than others at adapting their behavior to their circumstances.

In the case of your mother-in-law, she may not particularly realize she isn’t making a distinction between her private and business lives, and therefore acts on the notion — correct or not — that what helped her succeed in one part of her world, will work universally.

There are times when the best way to deal with a difficult personality is to accept that’s who they are and learn not to take it personally. You acknowledged she faced and triumphed over tough challenges. In her case the way she decided to deal with them was to be tougher than they were.

This isn’t to say you don’t have a right and an obligation to yourself to push back at least a little when she comes on too strong, by reminding her that just like she’s in charge of her business, so too are you your own boss when it comes to your family and your home.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son and daughter-in-law are both teachers. They had their third child late this past spring so my daughter-in-law could make the most of her maternity leave, rolling it into the summer break.

Even though I just work 20-25 hours a week, I enjoy my job very much. It gets me out of the house and keeps me connected with the coworkers I worked with when I was still fulltime.

I cut to parttime when my first grandchild was born, so I could help my son and daughter-in-law out, especially since I’m the nearest family member and have always been happy to help out when I can. It was at that time too when I was still helping care for my ailing parents, so I was able to be less stressed and more helpful all around.

Lately, both my son and his wife have begun pressuring me to give up my parttime job come September so I can become their fulltime babysitter. They would pay me more than I make at my current job, and I would have so much more time with my grandkids.

Those are tempting carrots, but I quit working fulltime for a reason.

I know my being my grandkids’ sitter would mean a lot to them, to their parents, and I know I would enjoy it. But I have come to also enjoy the flexibility of only working at the most three days a week and having the rest of the time to do what I want or need to do, like sometimes sit for my grandkids.

Am I being selfish here if I turn down the offer to become a fulltime granny? --- LIKE THINGS AS THEY ARE

DEAR LIKE THINGS AS THEY ARE: I don’t blame you or think you’re selfish at all for wanting to keep your current work life intact. Holding onto those social and intellectual stimulations are vital parts of anyone’s wellbeing.

I can likewise see the attraction of spending more time with your grandchildren.

Whatever you decide, keep in mind that at the end of the day, doing what makes you happier will also hopefully keep you healthier, and more able to continue in all aspects of your life.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My great-aunt is a great old lady. She has always been everyone’s second grandma, but she never had children of her own, so whenever she sends clothes for the kids in the family, she gets things way off target.

Like for my own son, who just turned 24-months, she sent him these way too small onesies, which would have fit him a year or more ago. For my 6-year-old daughter, she sends these outfits that are not only also too small, but way too young for her.

I know she is trying her best, but my cousins and I all talk about it, and we wish she would at least send along the gift receipts so we can exchange her often expensive gifts for things our kids can get some use out of.

She is so generous, and we all really appreciate her generosity. None of us has the heart to tell her she is also way off the mark.

Is there a way to help her prevent wasting her money without hurting her feelings? --- DON’T WANT TO HURT HER FEELINGS

DEAR DON’T WANT TO HURT HER FEELINGS: It isn’t hard to mis-buy clothing for others, particularly children.

I think your idea of trying to have your great-aunt include gift receipts with her presents is a good one. But you and your cousins need to be consistent in gently reminding her of your request.

Additionally, you could be tactful, but honest, in letting her know sometimes the outfits she buys don’t fit the children she’s giving them to. Even if she has lots of money, I can’t imagine she wouldn’t prefer to spend it wisely, rather than wasting it on presents that go unused by those she’s hoping to do something nice for.

If those suggestions don’t work, and if you haven’t already, perhaps you could set up a clothing swap among all the children in your extended family, so at least someone may get use out of the misguided, but well-intentioned gifts.