DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My big sister, “Jasmine,” has been a control freak all her life. We shared a room until she moved out when her job went fulltime and she could afford an apartment. It was her who was the one who told me what to do more than our parents ever did, and I admit to being a little intimidated by her when we were kids.

Last month Jasmine moved in with me and my boyfriend into our house because she lost her job when her company had to cut back. They gave her a good severance, so she is just now starting to look for new work, which means she has been around our house fulltime for the last few weeks, and has spent most of that time telling me how to run my house and take care of my baby, and even tried to rearrange my kitchen and pantry. Fortunately, my boyfriend is not as intimidated by her and pushes back when she gets to be too much.

I know Jasmine isn’t a bad person, but just one who feels the need to be in charge. She is helping out financially too because she is paying rent, which helps makes up for my lost income that happened when I stopped working to be home with our daughter for a few months before I will go back to working at least parttime.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful to my own sister, and I know it’s a good thing my boyfriend stands up to her, but do you think I should just let him do the telling her off so she and I can keep the peace? --- THE LITTLE SISTER

DEAR THE LITTLE SISTER: No, I don’t think it’s all on your boyfriend to stand up to your sister. It’s your house too, and she is a guest, albeit a paying one.

Next time she attempts to exert control, it may be helpful for you to thank her for her suggestions, but remind her you intend to run your own home the way you want it run.

There’s no need for you and your boyfriend to gang up on her, but I do believe your pushback will be more successful if both of you are firm and consistent in letting her know you’re in charge of your own home.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My Granddad worked in construction for his whole career. He’s your typical first-generation Irish, with freckles and red hair, when he had some.

My grandmother, mother, and I keep telling him he needs to be careful and keep putting on sunblock and a hat and long sleeves after having a melanoma removed last summer. But he doesn’t pay us any attention.

When he visits me in Nevada, he nearly never does any of these things, and my grandmother and I have to practically yell at him to do what he needs to so he doesn’t get any more cancerous spots.

How do you convince a stubborn old Irishman, as my grandmother calls him? Since I have his skin and know better we always, always have sunblock and extra sunhats in the house for whenever I go out and my fair-skinned relatives visit, so he has no excuse! --- TRYING TO KEEP GRANDDAD SAFE

DEAR TRYING TO KEEP GRANDDAD SAFE: My advice for you and your family is to remember to first acknowledge that your grandfather is a grown man fully capable of making his own decisions.

The next step can then be to remind him of how much you want to have him around and healthy for as long as you can, and that one way to help make that happen is if he takes care of his skin, especially when he’s spending a lot of time outdoors.

If he’s able to be convinced that what he potentially perceives as nagging is in fact a demonstration of how concerned you are for his well-being, hopefully he’ll be persuaded to take the necessary precautions to protect his skin better.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: For my 60th birthday, my son promised me that he would do some repairs around the house, instead of giving me a big expensive present. His wife and my other son wanted to send me away for a spa weekend, but he convinced them this would be the better, more lasting gift. Plus if I decide to sell my house and downsize, getting some things updated or fixed would be a big help.

The biggest thing is replacing the vanity, mirror, and toilet in the master bath. It has all needed to be replaced for years. It all works as it is, but we redid the other bathroom and our bedroom, and now the old bathroom looks bad compared to the other rooms we fixed up.

Everything was picked out and purchased by my kids so it could be ready to go in time for my birthday.

I am not a nagging mom and don’t want to start becoming one now. But it is five months since my birthday, and the work still hasn’t been done. We have the vanity, mirror, and toilet all sitting in the garage waiting to be put in by my son and a plumber friend of his.

How long do I wait before I start reminding him of his promise? --- STILL WAITING

DEAR STILL WAITING: I applaud your restraint if you haven’t brought the subject of the unfulfilled promise up with your son yet after already waiting for five months.

There is a difference between nagging and reminding. I think it’s well past time to remind your son that you could use the promised work done sooner, rather than later. The alternative is for you to have to pay a contractor or handyman to do the job, and that would mean your son doesn’t end up giving you much of a birthday present.