DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother and I have not spoken or had any contact since she literally turned her back on me over my marrying a woman born in Russia.

She told me, in front of my then fiancée, the woman I love is just another green card hunter and is only using me to get one. Actually, my wife is already an American citizen. She became one long before we ever met.

My mother grew up in and has chosen to live her life in a very sheltered, bigoted world, keeping with the same people she has known since she was a child or young adult. They all think like her, so she has lived in this bubble of her opinions, and never hesitates to share them. My mother’s father and mother were exactly this same way, and they cut off my uncle because he started going to a Baptist church.

I just learned my mother had a serious heart attack and is in the waiting period to have bypass surgery. My aunt told me it should be happening within a few weeks.

I want to visit my mother before she has the surgery, if for no other reason than to make peace with her. Although she said to me she would never accept my wife, I still love her, and thanks to the very woman she hates, I am working on getting past my resentment of my mother.

I believe — or I hope at least — my mother would also like to see me before she has the surgery, but do you think it is a good idea to visit her? It would be just me, which hurts as it is, but I agree with my wife one step at a time. --- WANT TO VISIT MY MOM

DEAR WANT TO VISIT MY MOM: Not knowing your mother, I’m in no position to say how she’d receive a visit from you prior to her surgery. If it were me, however, I’d certainly want to see my children under such circumstances.

Even in cases of ruptures between parents and children, or a history of little or no communication, there may yet remain enough love to facilitate a rekindling of at least a cordial relationship between the generations.

Your mother is in a tough spot right now. Even an offer of a visit by you might make her feel connected to you again.

I agree with your wife that it’s probably best to make your first overtures to your mom by yourself. Hopefully by gradually reestablishing a relationship with her, she’ll be more open to the true nature of your marriage and the good character of your wife.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have made some really good friends at the dog park where I take my two labs to get some exercise.

Between a few of us, we put together a little dog sitting co-op. I have used it a couple of times. As I am home most of the year, and I work from home, I seem to get tapped the most of any of us in the group to watch my friends’ dogs.

I actually don’t mind most of the time. I have a nice big fenced-in backyard and my dogs and the ones that I watch while their parents are on vacation or traveling for family events or work get along perfectly.

Lately, though, ever since people started traveling normally again, it seems like I have at least one canine boarder just about every week booked through the summer. That limits my own ability to schedule travel for myself.

I want to start being more selective about when I sit for friends’ dogs, but I keep thinking that if I turn down anyone of my friends, the same will happen to me when I am in need of a dog sitter.

Am I worrying for nothing, or do you think my friends will hold it against me if I don’t cover all their dog sitting needs? --- NEED A DOG SITTING BREAK

DEAR NEED A DOG SITTING BREAK: It’s not unreasonable to cut yourself a little slack and make enough time for your own plans.

If you’re doing more than your fair share in sitting your friends’ pets when they travel, then it’s likely your friends take it for granted you’re always available.

The longer you wait to initiate some limits, the harder it will be for you to do so when you need to.

Maybe you could start by blocking out at least one week a month when you let everyone know you’re not available to do any dog sitting.

You’ll have to be consistent and stick to your stated schedule with everyone. That might be a good way to avoid what you fear in offending your friends, still do your part in the co-op, and carve out time for yourself.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: After my in-laws retired, they promised to visit each of their four kids and their families once a year, and hoped everyone would head their way for at least one of the major holidays.

That was six years ago, and so far they only came to our house the first two years, but they go to all the other of my husband’s siblings at least the promised once a year since they started being able to travel.

We live no further than any of the other siblings, and as a matter of fact, we have made it a point to get to their house at least twice a year, once during the kids’ summer break and again during the holidays. My husband goes even more often.

Neither my husband nor I have ever had an argument or even angry words with either of my in-laws since even in our earliest days together. It hurts us that they will make a 6-10 hour drive to see one of my husband’s siblings and their family, but seem to not want to do the less than four hours it would take them to get here.

My husband and I are talking about not bringing the kids to see them before school starts up again. We are always made to feel welcome, but nobody else but one of my sisters-in-law bothers to visit them more than the requested holiday visit. It makes us feel less valued than the other siblings, and my husband has told me it bothers him, which translates to hurts him, although he would never say that.

Would you continue to make the extra effort for family members who seem to not be all that interested in making any in return? --- THE LESS VISITED ONES

DEAR THE LESS VISITED ONES: Perhaps because you bring your family to see your in-laws during the school summer breaks, they count that as their annual visit, relieving them of having to make the trip to your house, while keeping you and your husband’s branch within the promised visit circuit.

Rather than let resentment simmer, you could speak with your in-laws about how you’re feeling. They may be surprised to find out you believe yourselves slighted.