DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: By the time my second child was in kindergarten, I was a single mother of two, who had to go back to work fulltime to support our family with next to zip help from my ex, who eventually fell off the map altogether. The last time I heard anything about him was he had moved overseas with his new wife and was sponging off her family.

So, you could say I didn’t have the best marital experience. The good thing that came out of my time as a single mom was that I learned to be extremely independent, and got really good at it. I didn’t have anyone to bounce ideas off of, or to have to wait around for when I had to make a decision.

My daughter has been married for just under two years now, and even though I love her husband like a son, it drives me absolutely beyond nuts when she refuses to do anything without having her husband be part of it.

I agree they should decide big things as a couple, but I have yet to see my daughter decide anything on her own, including the week’s dinner plans, without having to have her husband directly involved in the decision. She tells me how important it is that they decide things together, otherwise, “What kind of marriage will it be,” she says.

I may have the wrong idea about this, because I had no choice other than to make things happen all by myself, but don’t you think a competent adult woman should be able to and allow herself to call at least some shots all by herself? --- NEEDS HIS APPROVAL

DEAR NEEDS HIS APPROVAL: Just as your outlook is tempered by your experiences, so too is your daughter’s. It’s possible she perceived your having to handle so much by yourself as a burden you faced all alone, but one that she would rather share with a partner.

I suspect as time goes by, their lives get busier, and they build a little more experience with divvying up the responsibilities that come with the territory of being adults, they might yet develop more independence, or at least realize there are instances where only one decision-maker needs to be involved.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife has this idea that our 12-year-old daughter is going to earn enough through modeling to pay for her college expenses — all her college expenses.

The thing is that to be able to model on a more serious basis, she has been told she first needs to get braces, and the braces she and my wife are looking at are lingual braces to correct her bite and straighten her teeth and still be invisible so she can begin more serious modeling sooner.

These braces cost just south of $12,000 versus closer to $4,000 for the regular kind, and we have no orthodontic dental coverage at all, which my wife seems to forget.

I would rather put that kind of money into her college fund now and let it grow instead of gambling that our daughter — beautiful as she is — will make enough money to pay for college in six years when she graduates high school.

Who is right here, my wife and daughter and their blow it all on braces, or me with saving up the sure way and getting less expensive regular braces for a fraction of the cost and financing fees? --- WHAT’S WRONG WITH REGULAR BRACES

DEAR WHAT’S WRONG WITH REGULAR BRACES: My first thought is to wonder how much experience in modelling your daughter has, since at least some is implied in your letter.

From what I’ve read and heard, successful child/teen models can in fact do quite well financially, but it’s not a no-cost process in both time and cash in many cases.

One thing your wife and daughter might do that would help prove either your case or theirs, is to get more than one opinion from reliable professional model sources on whether or not a child with braces is at any real disadvantage in competing for modeling gigs.

If your wife and daughter learn there’s no real advantage in having the appearance of no braces, then I agree with you that the greater potential gain is in walking away with both the income from modelling and the cash saved by opting for the less expensive orthodontic treatment.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My younger brother and all his coworkers just took training on gender identity sensitivity at his job.

He is already a very kind, accepting, nonjudgmental, and empathetic guy, and now he is sweating it every time he meets someone new on the job or socially, especially since some of his coworkers and friends have already have or are in the process of redefining their gender identities. My brother was actually close to tears the other day because he accidentally offended someone by misapplying a pronoun.

I tried telling him so long as he is doing the best he can, he should not feel bad about making innocent, honest mistakes.

Don’t you agree? --- DOESN’T WANT TO OFFEND

DEAR DOESN’T WANT TO OFFEND: I do agree.

It’s not difficult to understand your brother’s predicament. Many of us have found ourselves on the wrong side of trying to avoid offending someone inadvertently.

Your brother is doing the best he can, as you say. Gender terminology and concepts are evolving and involved, and he most certainly needn’t beat himself up over failed best efforts.