DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom was sick a lot of the time I was growing up. My Aunt Tina, my dad’s sister, would come and stay with us when my mom was in the hospital or recovering from a stay in the hospital. She is younger than my parents, but had her kids at a younger age, so my cousins from her and my uncle are all a lot older than me. My cousins were already finishing high school when I was still in elementary school, so my aunt felt she had more time to come and stay with us if one of my grandmas was not able to when Mom was not doing well.

After years of getting not much relief a new treatment came along which my mom went into a trial for. Her remission was not quick, but thankfully it’s six years in and holding!

I just graduated high school in May and now I am starting to get things together for living in a dorm when I start college in August.

My mom seems to really be getting into all the preparations. She said she missed so much stuff with me when I was younger, and she is so grateful to her Maker for still being here and being healthy that she wants to do everything she can with me before I head to college.

My Aunt Tina also wants to be part of it all. She did get me through a lot of elementary school and some of middle school while Mom was still in treatment cycles. I know things would have been a lot harder for me and my family if Aunt Tina had not stepped up, but now I really want this time with Mom, just her and me.

I love my Aunt Tina and will do anything not to hurt her feelings, but how do I tell her I want this time with my mom, especially since I feel like I really need to make up for lost time with her too? --- LOVE THEM BOTH

DEAR LOVE THEM BOTH: Given her history of helping you through some of the ups and downs of your earlier life, I’d be surprised if your Aunt Tina didn’t feel as she does about wanting to be part of your next big adventure.

Perhaps you and your mom could come up with a way to open a few of the preparations to participation by your aunt. For instance, you might ask her to join you for lunch following a shopping excursion, or consult her for some advice on what her own kids did and didn’t need when it was their turn to leave home for school or places of their own.

If neither you nor your mom thinks this kind of peripheral involvement will work, then it may be time to gently explain to your aunt how grateful everyone is to her for all she’s done for your family, and how treasured she is, but you and your mom truly need to make the most of these precious weeks before you leave home for your freshman year.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am having a f

k of a time forgiving my parents for putting down my cat without talking to me first.

I was on deployment when it happened, and they didn’t have the f

king nerve to tell me until I was home on my post-deployment leave.

Do they think I’m a baby, and can’t take the truth?

I know I couldn’t have been there for it, but still, they could have treated me like an adult. I survived Marine bootcamp and so far two deployments. I have already handled more than my parents can imagine, and I told them so — loud and clear.

That cat was more like a best friend, especially while I was going through some rough s

t back in high school. The least they could have done was to let me see her one more time to say goodbye on a video chat.

Don’t I have the right to be pissed off? --- NO CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE

DEAR NO CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE: It’s never easy to lose a beloved pet, and remember your parents also lost a furry family member and had to make heartbreaking decisions.

I think you need to step back and put yourself in your parents’ position. Maybe they could have or even should have given you a heads-up on what was happening at the time, but they did what they thought was best in the moment.

If your cat was suffering, and you weren’t readily available, who would have been served by prolonging that pain for the time it took for your parents to connect with you, especially if regular communications weren’t possible?

As to not telling you about your loss before you were home on leave, that too was a judgement call you clearly don’t agree with, but it was one your parents potentially made in an attempt to allow you to grieve at home, rather than in a location that may have made that process awkward, on top of already being painful.

Obviously, I don’t know all the details in this particular case, but I also know that those who are left behind have to deal with things as they happen.

Now that you’ve made your parents know just how you feel, please listen to their side of the story and cut them a little slack.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am turning 65 this year, and have been married for 32 years to my wife, who mostly refuses to help me as a partner.

I have no savings, retirement, or investment accounts. We are now both collecting Social Security Disability. I get $1,500.00 and she gets $1,200.00 a month. There just isn’t enough money to pay everything on time, so I alternate what gets paid every month.

I had kidney cancer several years ago and had a kidney removed. Now I have stage 3 kidney disease in my remaining kidney and am at risk of further decline should I be exposed to someone who is sick in the workforce.

My wife, “M,” has had breast cancer twice and now has metastatic stage 4 breast cancer in her lungs and the cancer has metastasized to her brain. Recently, the doctors say the chemo treatments and radiation have significantly shrunk her tumors.

I am constantly struggling to pay the household bills, food, electric, gas, water, sewer taxes, car insurance, and both Verizon home and cellphone accounts, for myself, M, and our son.

I seldom get M to give me any money toward household bills, and when she does, 99 percent of the time I have to pay her back.

I am also covering our 28-year-old son’s truck payment of $545.00 a month, plus $442.00 car insurance.

M covered some of son’s truck payments, but now refuses to pay anything further. She says she has things to do with her money that are more important, like have a reserve for medical bills. I paid our medical insurance premiums for several years, but all she does with her money is give it to our son.

Prior to my disability, I always managed to pay the household bills on time, including my mortgage. M is not on the deed or the mortgage. She did not want to be part of the purchase process at all, saying she would not sign anything. The house is now in foreclosure.

Our son, who lives with us, has grown up to be a very financially irresponsible adult. M gives him money all the time for whatever he wants. I have had many arguments with M about her actions, telling her that she is impeding any ambitions that our son would normally develop toward building a better life for himself.

Son dropped out of school when he was 16, he has worked in the entertainment field for many years and is very good at what he does. Currently he is not working due to a workplace injury, and has no money coming in.

Part of son’s problem is the jobs are 1099-based and for several years, he has owed tax debt that has to be paid back. In addition to that, he is not paying anything into SSI to receive money later on in life. M and I help by paying his tax debt, to avoid late fees and penalties. The IRS is very unforgiving, and I try to recover the money I paid out when he has money coming in.

I have always tried to get son to see how much better his life could be if he got his G.E.D and a better job. But he has always been disrespectful and nasty toward me most of the time, unless he wants or needs something. When I reprimand him for being disrespectful, M and my sister-in-law “E” gang up on me.

After son totaled his second vehicle. He needed a car to get to work. He has no credit, and the car dealer wanted to put him in a 16-point loan, which would have made a replacement vehicle way too expensive. So to help son, I put the truck loan in my name for a lower payment. So now, I feel the way things have developed, I am being held financial hostage.

To make matters worse, son has a drinking problem, which has resulted in a recent DWI arrest, the legal fallout from which we are currently dealing with. I have tried to get son to see what he is doing, but he will not admit it to himself, and does nothing to get help.

M’s sister E is living with us. When M’s mom passed away in 2009, I offered to have E come live with us. E offered to pay something to live with us. I let M and E name the amount of a monthly payment. They said $200.00 a month. I said OK.

E stopped paying in the beginning of 2017, shortly after my house went into foreclosure.

M and E are part of a family trust fund, which provides them some money every year. But they insist that they have no money and refuse to help me.

I think M told E to stop paying room and board, figuring if I’m not paying the mortgage, why should she pay to live here, and she’s not contributing to any household bills.

To give credit where credit is due, E does a lot around the house. She does her, M’s, and son’s laundry, she cooks 60 percent of the time, and plays a major role in taking care of our dog all day.

As I mentioned, I have a history of kidney cancer, the result of an injury caused by chemical use at my workplace, and which resulted in a personal injury lawsuit that is now getting close to a substantial settlement.

Our marriage has not been in a good place for many years, I have contemplated divorce for a long time, and now that I will have the money to make my move, I find myself feeling guilty about walking away.

I am not planning to abandon them. If possible I plan on paying off my house and letting them stay in the house. If not, then I would move them into something else, if possible.

I feel helpless and frustrated that I cannot fix any of this.

I need impartial advice, please help. --- NEED HELP

DEAR NEED HELP: You’re certainly juggling a lot, and the first step you should consider taking is giving yourself credit for holding things together to this point.

It sounds like there’s potential financial relief on the horizon with the lawsuit settlement when it comes through. That would be an opportunity to pursue your plans of putting much-needed distance between yourself and the rest of your current household both physically and emotionally, thus lightening your load and allowing you some perspective on what can reasonably and realistically be done to continue supporting your family, if you’re so inclined.

You mentioned there are other sources of income into which your wife and sister-in-law are able to tap to help them stay afloat. I see no reason why they shouldn’t be expected to use those funds to help support themselves, thereby removing some of the burden on you. Once he recovers from his injury, your son especially should be expected to pull his own weight, or at least back off on his financial reliance on his parents. Twenty-eight is more than old enough to be making a way in the world.

If you aren’t already doing so, you might want to investigate discount or assistance programs for people with limited income for expenses such as your real estate taxes, utilities, phone, and other recurring bills.

Finally, please consider reaching out to services available in your community geared to aid seniors or those living with disabilities. You have been carrying a lot for a long time now. Hopefully, moving forward you’ll find ways to focus more on your own health and financial wellbeing.