DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When we had children, my husband and I decided to have them baptized and introduced to the basic tenets of Christianity through Sunday services, Sunday school, and youth groups. Beyond that, we believed it was up to our children to decide their own spiritual way when they were old enough to do so.

Our daughter is engaged to a great guy. Both my husband and I think he is perfect for our daughter, and we couldn’t be happier for her, except for one thing.

Our future son-in-law’s parents are observant Conservative Jews, which is not in the least a problem for us, except they are leaning heavily on our daughter to convert to Judaism. That would also be fine with us, if it was okay with our daughter.

She has told her future parents-in-law she has no intention of taking that step, at least not at this time, and it has become a major issue between her and them. Her not converting means they can’t have their rabbi perform the marriage ceremony.

To try and keep the peace, our future son-in-law reached out to a Reformed rabbi he knows, and our daughter contacted our pastor. Both are happy to officiate, or co-officiate, at the ceremony. That seems like a reasonable solution, which would cover both faiths at the wedding. The idea was not exactly a hit with the groom’s parents, unfortunately.

I feel bad for our daughter and future son-in-law. He is especially caught in the middle of this whole thing. He had told our daughter, in front of us even, that he doesn’t care if she converts. He isn’t all that religious anyway, and while he likes the idea of having a rabbi at the ceremony for his family’s sake, he doesn’t see himself as committed enough to Conservative Judaism to make it worth our daughter converting.

Is this an issue we should take up with his family, or just keep out of it all, as we have already been doing since the subject was first raised? --- PRACTICING SILENCE IS GOLDEN

DEAR PRACTICING SILENCE IS GOLDEN: I honestly don’t see what your and your husband’s getting involved in this matter will do to help the situation. It’s between the engaged couple and the groom’s family to work out.

What I do see as being of help is for you and your husband to continue to be supportive of the couple’s decisions, and, when needed, provide a neutral sounding board and refuge from the pressures that they may be encountering elsewhere.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have an older brother, who was diagnosed with maladaptive daydreaming about 15 years ago. He is in his seventies, and even now he just goes off into his own little world by the hour, and has for as long as I can remember. The doctors told him he has it because he suffered from PTSD after being in Vietnam, and that it was just his way of coping. He has made progress in controlling the daydreaming, but it still takes him away from the here and now way too much.

I have been seeing that my eight-year-old grandson seems to do something like what my brother does. It scares me, and if I say anything to my daughter, she says it’s fine, and it’s normal. She says he’s just extremely creative, and will tell her stories about a whole world he’s made up and has adventures in.

Once I started seeing more and more of how my grandson is behaving, I thought it would be a good idea to research what my brother has been dealing with to see if it fit in with my grandson. What I learned is people with this condition act exactly the way my brother does, and what I see my grandson doing now.

I want my daughter and her husband to get my grandson checked out, but they said they talked to their son’s teachers and the school counselor about it and that they said it is perfectly normal, since he does his work, is social in class, and pays attention when called to do so. But, I don’t believe his teachers and school counselors are qualified to make a diagnosis.

How do I convince my daughter that there may be a real danger here, especially since there are some studies that say maladaptive daydreaming can be genetic? --- FEARFUL FOR MY GRANDSON

DEAR FEARFUL FOR MY GRANDSON: While it’s understandable that you’re concerned for your grandson, it sounds like his daydreaming is something his parents are also well aware of; and based on their having discussed the issue with his teachers and the counselor, it’s also something they’re already taking steps to monitor.

Having seen a near relative with a particular condition or pattern of behavior will naturally put you on guard on the behalf of other loved ones. But for now, I think you need to trust that your grandson’s parents are keeping an eye on things, which leaves you free to enjoy the time you get to spend with him.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My in-laws are big antiquers. Their house is like a museum, which is kind of cool, but not so much when we bring our two toddlers into it. My in-laws are smart enough to have child-proofed the rooms we stay in during visits, but what bothers me is that they have all these expensive Persian carpets, which cost them a small fortune each, but have a really bad odor to them. They said they had them professionally cleaned, but either they got ripped off, or the yucky smell can’t be removed.

I never wanted our kids to be on the floor at my in-law’s when they were babies, and now even though they are toddlers, they still spend as much time on the ground as they do on their feet! I used to bring a couple of old sheets with me to put down in the living room on the carpet there, but it really bugged my mother-in-law, who honestly seems not to smell the stink.

What can I do to make visits less awful? My in-laws, especially my mother-in-law, could not be sweeter or kinder to my children and me. I just don’t like the smell of their house and the fact I am nervous having my kids playing on their stinky carpets. --- CAN’T STAND THE STINK

DEAR CAN’T STAND THE STINK: It’s not impossible your in-laws are so used to the smells in their home that they’re no longer aware of them. Many of us become desensitized to ever-present odors in our environments. I recall my mother saying that after working in a bakery for a few weeks when she was a young woman, she, like her coworkers no longer smelled the delicious scents that originally peaked their hunger when they were new to the job.

Although there are several common household tricks to deodorize musty carpets, your in-laws possibly tried them all before resorting to hiring someone to clean their expensive investments. So they may have done the best they’re able to do to remedy the smelly situation.

As far as what could be done to make your visits more comfortable, perhaps you can ask to open a window or two, when the weather permits. And although it bothered your mother-in-law when you used to put down a covering on her rugs when your children played on the floor, continuing the practice might be worth risking her displeasure for some peace of mind for yourself.