DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When we had children, my husband and I decided to have them baptized and introduced to the basic tenets of Christianity through Sunday services, Sunday school, and youth groups. Beyond that, we believed it was up to our children to decide their own spiritual way when they were old enough to do so.
Our daughter is engaged to a great guy. Both my husband and I think he is perfect for our daughter, and we couldn’t be happier for her, except for one thing.
Our future son-in-law’s parents are observant Conservative Jews, which is not in the least a problem for us, except they are leaning heavily on our daughter to convert to Judaism. That would also be fine with us, if it was okay with our daughter.
She has told her future parents-in-law she has no intention of taking that step, at least not at this time, and it has become a major issue between her and them. Her not converting means they can’t have their rabbi perform the marriage ceremony.
To try and keep the peace, our future son-in-law reached out to a Reformed rabbi he knows, and our daughter contacted our pastor. Both are happy to officiate, or co-officiate, at the ceremony. That seems like a reasonable solution, which would cover both faiths at the wedding. The idea was not exactly a hit with the groom’s parents, unfortunately.
I feel bad for our daughter and future son-in-law. He is especially caught in the middle of this whole thing. He had told our daughter, in front of us even, that he doesn’t care if she converts. He isn’t all that religious anyway, and while he likes the idea of having a rabbi at the ceremony for his family’s sake, he doesn’t see himself as committed enough to Conservative Judaism to make it worth our daughter converting.
Is this an issue we should take up with his family, or just keep out of it all, as we have already been doing since the subject was first raised? --- PRACTICING SILENCE IS GOLDEN
DEAR PRACTICING SILENCE IS GOLDEN: I honestly don’t see what your and your husband’s getting involved in this matter will do to help the situation. It’s between the engaged couple and the groom’s family to work out.
What I do see as being of help is for you and your husband to continue to be supportive of the couple’s decisions, and, when needed, provide a neutral sounding board and refuge from the pressures that they may be encountering elsewhere.