DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend is always complaining about how we can’t do anything on Sundays on account of my spending most of the day at my church. He isn’t entirely wrong, but long before we even started dating, I and my family attended service, followed by my teaching Sunday school, and more recently conducting the afternoon Youth Group meetings.

All these things mean a great deal to me, and my family has always stressed service to our Lord and our church’s community. My boyfriend knew all of this when we got together, and I do everything in my power to keep my Friday nights and Saturdays free to spend with him. But he has been wanting to do a weekend get-away for some time now, and that currently is not possible for me to do, since I am acting as the Director of Christian Education while the woman who usually does that job is on maternity leave.

I love my boyfriend, and want to make him happy. But I also feel that my Sunday devotions and teaching are commitments I am duty-bound to keep.

What can I do to make my boyfriend understand this is absolutely nothing against him and our relationship, but I am not in a position right now to be able to take time away from what is needed of me by my calling to service and the congregation? --- DEVOTED TO MY FAITH

DEAR DEVOTED TO MY FAITH: Even though your boyfriend knew about your Sunday priorities from the start of your relationship, it doesn’t mean he didn’t perhaps have expectations that there would be some wiggle room in your established routine. If his religious views and practices are different than yours, this is even more likely to be the case.

One thing to consider in assisting him to better understand how much your congregation relies on you is to see if he’s willing to be part of some of your Sunday duties, at least once. If nothing else, it’d give him a window into the importance of what you do for those you serve.

If he’s willing to meet you that far, then hopefully when the Director of Christian Education returns, you can work out coverage for a Sunday in the not too distant future to allow time for that getaway with your boyfriend. He doesn’t appear to be asking for much more than that, which I understand feels like a lot to you right now, but probably also means a lot to him. As accepting as he may be of your beliefs, practices, and devotion to service, it’s entirely reasonable that he needs to feel that he too is a vital part of your life, and your making an effort to give him one weekend might just make all the difference in the world to him.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I was in middle and high school, there’s no doubt about it, I was a kind of wild child. I never got to the point of being arrested, but the local sheriff and my parents had more than one meeting over me.

I have truly grown up over the years, and the sad thing is, whenever I go home to visit my family and I run into people I knew from when I was still running wild, they talk to me like I’m some kind of trashy local legend, and introduce me to their spouses/boy/girlfriends as their old classmate, who was totally out of control, which is a huge exaggeration.

I look forward to heading home a few times a year to see my parents and my sister and her family, but I just keep wondering when I’ll be looked at as someone other than a dumb and wild kid. Do you think it’ll ever happen in my old hometown? --- NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE

DEAR NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE: Perhaps if you’d stayed in your hometown, where your transformation from teen rabblerouser to responsible adult had been witnessed by your neighbors and friends, there’d be more of a chance your youthful ways may have faded into the background. Even then, there’s no guarantee your past antics would be any more forgotten than the triumphs and successes of class brainiacs and your school’s top athletes. It’s all a small part of your town’s recent history, and gives people something to recall and talk about.

Instead of sweating how others see you, I think you ought to focus on continuing your own growth as a young adult. In time, you could find a different reception when you visit your hometown, but knowing you’ve outgrown the youngster you left behind should give you a great deal of personal satisfaction and self-confidence.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter applied to several schools for her undergraduate program, and as it happens, a branch of the state system, which is 75 minutes, without traffic, from her mom’s house, is one of the top-rated for her degree, and the one she chose. She has always been a homebody, so it was no surprise when she went with the school closest to home.

Freshmen are required to live on-campus, and are discouraged from having cars, because of the parking shortage. So, for the first year, she has gotten a taste of the whole college experience and living the dorm life, even though she’s gone home at every other weekend, when her mom has headed out to pick her up. Overall, she hasn’t seemed to hate it, and has made a few friends since September.

As a sophomore this fall, she’ll no longer be required to live on-campus, and she’s already telling us how much money we can save if she lives at home with her mother and commutes on the days she has in-person classes. We know it’s just her trying to get out of living at the school again.

We had hoped the first year would have given her a taste for being more independent, and she seemed to enjoy the experience overall, but it’s proving a hard sell to get her living there again this fall.

Any suggestions on more arguments besides the one that she will regret not having the full college life experience? We can easily afford the room and board as we already told her several times, so she can’t legitimately use that one on us. --- FATHER OF A SHY COED

DEAR FATHER OF A SHY COED: Since you’ve already shot down her argument on how much money living at home will save her parents, perhaps your next counter might be a reminder to her about the cost of gas and car maintenance that will arise from several long round-trips a week — especially if the costs are coming out of her own pocket. And to fill that pocket, finding jobs around a demanding commuting schedule may not be so easy, even with all the staffing shortages out there these days.

In addition to the affordability argument, you could come up with some practical advantages of not being a commuter. For instance, since she’ll still most likely be working her way through her Gen Ed requirements next school year, being on-campus would give her a wider choice of class times for non-online courses.

Depending on where her school is, bad weather is another potential complication to traveling back and forth throughout the week.

As she gets further into her degree program, if the school’s bringing in adjunct professors who are working professionals in their field, she’ll possibly find some of her classes are only taught on weekends, late in the day, or in the evenings, which would make for some long, late night rides home.

Likewise, being on-campus fulltime makes it easier to stay on top of group projects that can’t be managed strictly on-line should they come along.

Some or none of these arguments will sway her, but at least they might make her think a little harder about the advantages to being closer to her college.