DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My father and his wife are in the process of downsizing. They have been living in the house where my father grew up and where he moved back to when my grandparents started to have a lot of health problems, around the time he and my mom split up.

My stepmother called me and my brother telling us we should come by the house to take anything they would not be bringing to the new, smaller home they are moving into. My brother said he really was not interested in anything, but I very much wanted to have some of my grandmother’s vintage decorations and small pieces of furniture, including a couple Tiffany-style table lamps and a side table I loved since I was a little kid.

There were also photo albums I used to look at with my grandparents, and they would tell me who everyone was, so someone would remember when they were gone, as they said.

This stuff was always fascinating and important to me, and has gotten more so since I started my own family, and believe having a connection to the past helps us understand where we are in our lives today.

When I got to the house it was almost empty and I found out they had sent most of the old furniture and other things belonging to my grandparents to two different companies that refinish and resell antique furniture. They got a flat fee for everything, including the pieces I wanted. They also put all the photo albums and anything else that they couldn’t sell in the trash.

I was hurt and furious. Those were not just their things to give away. Why did they even tell my brother and me to come and get some things when they had already gotten rid of them?

What they got rid of did NOT just belong to them. I know my grandparents wanted it kept in the family. --- WANTED SOME HEIRLOOMS

DEAR WANTED SOME HEIRLOOMS: I’m wondering if wires were crossed, and what your stepmother meant by her invitation was for you and your brother to go through what was left of your father’s and stepmother’s household items after anything they found useful had been moved along to their new home, including some of your grandparents’ belongings, which I’m guessing were part of your father’s inheritance, and thus his to do with as he saw fit.

I agree with you that it would’ve been right for him and his wife to give you and your brother first pick of your grandparents’ things that he and his wife had no interest in or need of. However, they may have planned on using the proceeds from the sale of the furniture to offset the expense of their move, which is understandable.

The loss of the photo albums is certainly unfortunate, but again, like with the furniture, if you hadn’t made a specific claim to them, your dad and his wife likely assumed no one would care about them.

What’s done is done, and continuing to be angry with them rather than extending them the benefit of the doubt that they meant no offense or harm can only damage your relationship with them moving forward. You need to ask yourself if holding onto your hurt is worth that risk.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Five years ago our oldest child started her own company. She was able to take it literally from her basement to a proper business facility, with six people now working for her. Her mother and I agreed to loan her some cash to help get things started in the beginning. She has since completely paid us back, in less time than the loan was set up for.

My youngest, who is a good kid, but tends to dream bigger than he ever follows through on, approached me and his mother during the holidays asking if he too could borrow some money to go into a business with his best friend. They are talking about starting a sign shop, since both of them are good at graphic design and tech-savvy. What they’re asking for is more than his sister needed, and I am not so sure they have thought out their business plan quite as thoroughly as she did.

My wife is likewise reluctant to put out cash she is worried she’ll never see again. We are both looking at retiring in the next two or three years, and can use all the savings we can get.

How do we tell our son we are just not comfortable with loaning him money right now? He is not going to take it well, especially since we helped his sister out. --- NOT SURE WE CAN HELP

DEAR NOT SURE WE CAN HELP: You mentioned your daughter had a business plan. Do your son and his friend? If they don’t, consider suggesting they sit down with someone, who is both reliable and knowledgeable, to draft something up that could potentially bring their plans into the real world and guide them through the next steps to achieve their goals.

The second major issue here is that being five years closer to retirement than when you helped your daughter, you and your wife are currently in a different financial position. This is something you can discuss with your son, by way of being a solid reason for your reluctance to loan out money that may take years to be repaid.

Perhaps if financial support isn’t possible at this time, you might offer to assist their venture in other ways, such as helping them figure out options to secure financial backing or working with them to get things up and running, starting small and growing their business — like your daughter successfully did.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: The day I got my first car, my dad had me show him that I could change a flat tire, check the oil, and understand everything on the dashboard.

Of course, these days computer chips will tell you when some things need to be taken care of, but they can’t change a tire, put in some oil, replace windshield wipers, and just plain put water in the radiator.

I have told my kids (ages 19-31) that there is a lot to be said for being able to understand some of the simplest workings of your car, not to mention how to deal with some problems all on your own, especially if it comes down to your needing to do so.

Why are kids from their generation so happy to be ignorant about things that can be not just useful, but very important sometimes? --- THEY JUST DON’T GET IT

DEAR THEY JUST DON’T GET IT: While I’m far from mechanically savvy, I agree with you that it’s important for laymen to be able to handle some basic car maintenance — just in case. More than once, I’ve had to change a tire, and I’ve long considered it a skill well worth having.

Part of the issue now-a-days is something you already mentioned. Cars are programmed to monitor increasing numbers of routine functions. It’s also easy for people to pull up how-tos on their phones or other devices as needed.

However, that’s no substitution for being able to handle real-life emergent situations like safely putting on a spare tire or topping off an overheating radiator, especially if you don’t happen to have Wi-Fi access when troubles arise. I think it’s a good idea to remind your adult children that knowing how to do these things could very well save them time and trouble one day.