DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our grandson has had a hard time of it since he was born. His mother is an addict, his father, our son, continues to have alcohol addiction issues. They tried to take care of him, but couldn’t handle it, especially since he started school and has struggled with some long-term effects of NAS (neonatal abstinence syndrome).

Last year, when our grandson was six, we were awarded guardianship of him. I cut down my hours to part time so I can be home with him when he gets off school, and we lined up some good day camps for him last summer.

Since becoming his legal guardians, we have had many meetings with both his teacher and the school counselor to work on helping him behave better with the other kids in his class. I know he acts out because he is frustrated and scared. He is working on getting his anger under control, but it doesn’t help when he sees me get cornered by one of the parents of a kid in his class, who started telling me, in a real nasty way, that my grandson is a big bully, and I should have better control over him. I guess our grandson said or did something to her child, and now she wants to take it out on me.

I can deal with that kind of stuff for my sake, but it hurts to think that our grandson, who is a sweet, scared, mixed-up kid dealing with his parents barely in his life and having to live with his grandparents, is getting the reputation of being a bully. He is anything but at home and around his cousins, and his teacher tells us that except for a few outbursts directed at kids he feels threatened by, he has come a long way.

Why are people old enough to know better so cruel? We live in a small town, so I am sure to run into this mother again. Do I give her our grandson’s history, or just let it go? --- OUR GRANDSON’S NOT A BULLY

DEAR OUR GRANDSON’S NOT A BULLY: If your town’s small enough, there’s a good chance the other parents of the kids in your grandson’s class have at least an inkling of his personal history. The mother who had so much to say about your grandson is likely basing her judgments on a combination of local gossip and reports from her child about what goes on in the school environment, which can itself be egged on by the adult rumor mill. If that’s the case, I don’t believe you owe her any explanation about your family’s situation or your grandson’s behavior.

By offering him and his educators your full support, and by working closely with them to come up with strategies to help your grandson not only cope, but thrive at school, you’re doing all you can. He’s your focus, not the wagging tongues of all ages he and you encounter.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My siblings and I have always been super close, even as little kids. Now that we’re all living our own lives, we still keep in close touch and are usually clued into what’s happening in each other’s lives.

My youngest brother, though, has major issues with our mother. He thinks she just wants to know everything going on in his life so she can continue to control him like he thought she did when he still lived at home.

Since I’m the one who is most in touch with our mother because she watches my son three days a week, I know she is honestly interested in what’s going on in our lives, not to use it for control, but because she loves us and worries about us. But sometimes she gets angry with my brother for only being in touch with the rest of us, but never with her, and she starts with the, “Tell your brother he doesn’t have to worry about me and I won’t worry about him,” and comments like that. I can see how much it bugs her.

I think the biggest problem between my brother and mother is that they are so much alike. Because of that they have always clashed over even the smallest, stupidest things. Most of all, they are both stubborn to the core, and always need to be right.

Do you think there’s anything I can do to help them be less angry with each other and actually try communicating sometimes? --- THEY NEED TO TALK

DEAR THEY NEED TO TALK: It sounds like you have a good feel for the cause of your mom’s and brother’s failure to communicate. Obstinate people can often be expected to be at loggerheads sometimes simply because of who they are. When the two people are closely related, it could get even stickier because behind the discord, hopefully, there’s also affection.

One way to potentially help them to communicate is to get them in the same place at the same time, but not alone. Perhaps you or a sibling could have everyone over for a meal or other event with a clear purpose and a pre-defined duration (e.g., 7-9 p.m.), which would give everyone a graceful and easier out if things get tense.

Even if your mom and brother don’t do much direct communicating, they’ll at least have the opportunity to be together while the rest of the family’s around to act as buffers if need be.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have heard and read stories about neighbors who “forget” they’re in the buff while walking around their house without window coverings. I never thought I would encounter it in my own neighborhood, though. Last week I got proved wrong when I was taking my second grader son and a neighbor’s fourth grade kid to the bus stop and we were waiting on a corner to cross the street and I heard giggles from the two boys who had stopped in their tracks to stare at the woman and man walking back and forth in the picture window, neither of them having on any clothing.

I could not believe what I saw, and grabbed the boys and headed on to the bus stop, where another mom asked what was going on with the giggling boys. When I told her, she burst out laughing too, but I don’t find the situation so funny. If people want to be nude in their own homes, I don’t care, but for God’s sake, don’t prance around where everyone can see you.

My husband also found this funny, but I want to call the police and report it.

Am I overreacting or is everyone else underreacting? --- CLOSE THE BLINDS

DEAR CLOSE THE BLINDS: I can understand your discomfort, especially if it makes things awkward with the children you’re taking to the bus stop.

However, before contacting the police it might be worth your while to investigate the laws regarding public nudity in your state or community. You may discover that your uninhibited neighbors are perfectly within their rights to be nude, even if visible from outside their home, provided they’re not crossing the lines into behavior that would legally be defined as lewd or obscene.

To avoid a repeat of the giggle-inducing reaction of the boys in your care, I’d recommend altering your route if possible, especially if you have no legal standing to lodge a complaint in this instance.