DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother and I were super close. When I lost her it was one of the hardest times of my life. It was even rougher on Dad. He didn’t even start dating until nearly seven years after we lost her, and when he did, he met a really nice woman, who he married.

I like and even am coming to love my stepmother. She truly is a good, solid woman. But she also wants to be my best friend, and while I appreciate her wanting this, I just don’t feel it happening any time soon, if ever. We are very different people and don’t even like most of the same things.

How do I let her know I appreciate her feeling like she wants to be a big part of my life, but that I’m just not all that interested in that happening? --- NOT BFF MATERIAL

DEAR NOT BFF MATERIAL: Given the usual complaints about stepparents, it’s refreshing to hear that someone not only likes the new family member, but is also anxious to avoid offending her.

Having been close with your mother, it’s understandable you’re not looking to duplicate that relationship. I doubt you ever will.

Rather, what could help in this situation is if you find one or two patches of common ground you can share with your stepmother to continue cultivating an at least cordial relationship. It doesn’t have to be a major commitment, and it may only be a token effort, but it might be enough to help make her feel more welcome in your world.

For example, since you both love and care about your dad, spending time doing something once in a while with him and your stepmother is one way to let her know you acknowledge she’s part of your family, if not an automatic best friend.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: The kid who made my life a living hell when we were in seventh and eighth grades together is now living down the hall in my dorm.

At first I don’t think he even recognized me, but after we had a floor meeting with our RA at the end of the first week after check-in, he knew for sure who I was.

He doesn’t seem to have changed at all. He’s still Mr. Jock, and he still openly practices his sick brand of toxic masculinity.

As if living near him isn’t bad enough, we are also in two classes together. Fortunately, one is in a huge lecture hall with 300 of our nearest and dearest friends, so I don’t have to deal with him there. But the other class is an advanced Spanish class, which can only be taken by those with proven proficiency in the language, which apparently he also has, worse luck for me.

I do everything I can to avoid having anything more than I absolutely have to do with this guy, and I can’t wait until we get to get out of the dorms next year. But even then, we are bound to continue running into each other, since it would appear he’s on a similar major track to mine.

I don’t like that our paths have crossed once again, but I know I can deal with him much better than I could when I was 12. What I don’t get is why do some people NEVER grow up? --- WHY?

DEAR WHY?: That’s an excellent question, and one parents, psychologists, educators, and countless others also struggle with.

Personally, I tend to agree with the commonly held thought that people who bully others are insecure, unhappy individuals. Some grow out of it once they get to a better place in their thinking and their lives, others sadly never will.

The good news for you is that although you recognize how your former bully affected you in the past, you’re proactively working to do what you need to do to prevent his ever hurting you again, and that’s much to be admired.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife and I raised our five children in the house where I still live. We moved in back in 1974, and at the time were the “young family” on the block. Now I’m the “old guy,” surrounded by young families, some of which have extended family members living with them, often outnumbering the homeowner family.

So far all the new neighbors have been very nice, and they even watch out for me, sending their teenage children over to help me shovel snow and clean off my car in the winter. One of the women, I’ll call her “Vicky,” often rings my doorbell and asks if she can either pick up groceries for me or take me shopping when she goes. She has been a real lifeline throughout COVID.

I am grateful to my kind neighbors, but I also feel outnumbered. There are only two houses on the block still owned by people who moved in when I did, and I heard from one of them they’re thinking to move nearer one of their kids.

I love my house and don’t want to move, but I also don’t want to be the last original owner in the neighborhood, and one of the last English-speakers. Am I just being a stubborn old fool, or is it time to make a move? --- WANT TO STAY PUT

DEAR WANT TO STAY PUT: It sounds like you are still very much a part of your neighborhood, just in a different capacity than you were when you moved in nearly 50 years ago.

Absent a compelling need to relocate, for instance because you no longer feel that your home’s the safest place for you, it’s too much to keep up with, or, as in the case of your old neighbor, you want to be closer to relatives, it seems like you’re still in a pretty good place for now. You have neighbors who look out for you, and you’re in familiar surroundings.

What could help you feel less like the odd man out is if you have access to a senior center or other programs available for mature adults to get together a few days a week. If circumstances permit, you may also find some worthwhile volunteer opportunities within your community that put you in contact with people of various ages and backgrounds, all in the interest of helping you keep connected and busy.