DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Somewhere along the way, my son decided his mother and I are not able to take care of our own home anymore. We are in our late-60s and in excellent health and very active, but there it is.
I don’t mind him helping me out when I have a project that could use an extra set of hands, but it drives me nuts when he embarks on a project he deems necessary, and then either doesn’t follow through and finish it, or does a half-assed job of it and I have to step in and get it the way it should be, even though it wasn’t necessary in the first place!
We both appreciate his wanting to be helpful. It shows his heart is in the right place, and that makes us proud of the man he is. But how do we squelch his impulse to make our world a better place, whether we want him to or not? --- WE ARE ON TOP OF IT
DEAR WE ARE ON TOP OF IT: I agree that it seems your son is the caring sort. Perhaps one option to deflect his focus on what he fancies you and your wife are in need of is to get into the habit of offering to help him on any of his own home improvements and projects.
Not only can it be one step in preventing his making more work for you at your place, but it could also give you some opportunities to demonstrate for him what you consider is a better way to do things.