DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son had a child at a very early age. He married the mother of his baby, but they didn’t last three years before they split up, which was a big relief at the time. My ex-daughter-in-law has some issues with substance abuse and what I believe to be some kind of personality disorder.
Our granddaughter is now 14 and has begun spending more time with her mother. Besides this fact upsetting my son and his second wife, who has been a true mother to our granddaughter, this upsets me as well. My ex-daughter-in-law is not a stable person, and I worry about her effect on my granddaughter, who is a sweet and loving child, and can’t believe ill of anyone.
So far I have only said anything to my son and his wife about my concerns. Should I say a word of caution to my granddaughter as well? --- WORRIED FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER
DEAR WORRIED FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER: You’ve already raised your concerns with your son and daughter-in-law. I don’t see any benefit at this point in sharing your opinion of your ex-daughter-in-law with your granddaughter. At 14, she’s becoming old enough to begin seeing situations from a less child-like perspective, and I believe your speaking ill of her mother is more likely to create problems than head any off.