DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My father remarried nearly 12 years after he and my mom split. Mom has been married to my stepfather since a couple years after the divorce. I get along great with my stepfather, but my stepmother is one of those women who likes to pick, pick, pick. She does it to her own kids, so no surprise she does it to my brother and me.

I really don’t care much what she says. But what gets me is that my dad agrees with whatever she says. It’s like he’s become her puppet.

He never had any trouble standing up to our mom, which is what I remember most about when they were still married. They fought a lot. Now, he’s a mouse, and it drives me nuts.

My brother says to just ignore it, but I swear to God, the next time he follows her two cents with his own, which just so happens to be the exact same as hers, I might just explode. I feel like he’s become a poser to keep her happy.

Should I tell him how I feel, or do what my brother does, and just let it go? --- MY DAD’S A MOUSE

DEAR MY DAD’S A MOUSE: Keep in mind that your parents’ relationship didn’t last for possibly any number of reasons. If the fighting you remember was one cause of your parents’ breakup, your father could now be approaching his second marriage in a different light, and most likely as a somewhat different person.

I doubt having a showdown with your father would do much good. However, having a calm, polite, private discussion with him about how you feel is one way to clear the air for you and give your father a heads-up that you’re not as comfortable around him and his wife as he may think. You might discover that he honestly agrees with what your stepmother is saying, and not just going along with her to keep the peace.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I was about 11 years old, my uncle and my father were up for the same job at the publishing house where they both worked. As a matter of fact, my father was the main reason my uncle got the job in the first place.

A top-level editor retired and there was an opening for one of the more senior editors, which included my dad and my uncle. My dad was always focused on the jobs he had to do. My uncle was more into the politics of the place. He did his work, and did it reasonably well, but he was always looking to move up, while my dad loved doing what he was doing. However, my dad was also the most senior of the editors in the publishing house at the time, and had more than earned lead consideration for the opening.

In the end, my uncle got the job, and although my dad didn’t say anything at the time, my mother and I eventually learned that my uncle purposely undermined my dad. Being the gentleman he was, my father never spoke ill of his brother. Dad used to say he got the better deal, because he could continue doing what he loved best, rather than having to get more into administrative duties; but knowing my father, I can’t imagine it didn’t hurt him both to be overlooked and to have been slid aside by his own brother.

I never heard him complain about the slight, though things certainly cooled between the two brothers from then on.

Now that my dad is gone, my uncle has reached out to my mother and me to try and get back into our lives. And, while I don’t completely doubt the sincerity of his motives, I personally cannot and will not forgive what we knew he did to my dad just to get ahead. My mom is of the opinion we should just let it go, and mend fences. My uncle is now alone, and she thinks we should forgive and forget. Not me.

Which of us is right, in your opinion? --- STILL HOLD A GRUDGE

DEAR STILL HOLD A GRUDGE: I think it’s time you let go of the ill feelings you harbor against your uncle. As a third party to what happened when you were still a kid, it’s impossible for you to know the whole story. There could’ve been considerations made by the management that went beyond what politics your uncle may or may not have been playing.

This isn’t to say you need to become bosom buddies with your uncle, but the adult thing to do is to treat him cordially, and not go out of your way to make things awkward, if only for your mother’s sake.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My ex-wife and I split up while I was still in the army. She moved back to her parents’ house with our then six-year-old daughter. We were married way too young and it was just not a good thing for us to be together, especially since she hated the service life, which I never blamed her for.

Both my ex and I have remarried and have kids with our spouses. My oldest son from my second marriage is getting married and I really want my daughter to be there. I want her to be in my life and I want to be in hers. We never fought or anything, we just drifted apart, and I have not been in touch with her much since her high school graduation going on 10 years ago. We exchange emails once in a while and talk on the phone on birthdays and big holidays, but that’s about it. When we do communicate it is awkward, but what I would call cordial.

My wife says I should start with just sending her an invitation to the wedding, but I would like her to be at the rehearsal dinner and some of the other wedding weekend events. I don’t want her to feel pressured, but I want her to feel welcome. This is, after all, her half brother’s wedding.

Do you think that’s overkill and agree with my wife that we should just go with the invitation? I think bringing her more into things, especially a chance to get to know my side of the family, which is also her family, would be great. --- WANT MY DAUGHTER THERE

DEAR WANT MY DAUGHTER THERE: I tend to agree with your wife’s suggestion, with perhaps the addition to the invitation of a personal note, saying your daughter and a guest are also more than welcome to attend the rehearsal dinner, if you and your wife are hosting it. That way, you open the door, and she decides how far to come through it.

Bear in mind, though, that she could very well feel strange about being tossed into a family get-together with people she barely remembers or possibly has never met. It might be more realistic for you to consider this the first step in a reconnection, rather than a chance to wedge your daughter back into your extended family circle.

Being parents of the groom is a big enough job, and trying to split your focus between kindling a tenuous relationship with your daughter and your son’s big day may not be the best idea. Perhaps if she does attend the wedding and/or dinner, once the wedding’s behind you, you can reach out to her and take steps towards becoming more a part of each other’s lives.