DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was involved with a woman, who I thought I was going to marry, for nearly five years. We were in the process of planning our wedding when she decided she was not ready for that big a step, especially since she had met someone new who was giving her second thoughts.

I recently ran into my ex with her new girlfriend and could not help noticing that the new woman was wearing an expensive necklace that had once belonged to my great-aunt, which I had given my ex as a pre-engagement gift. I know it is hers to do with whatever she wants, but it hurt me to see it on her new love, the woman she left me for.

Ever since I had that encounter, I have been thinking about the necklace and feeling bad. It’s like that one piece of jewelry represents everything that was and wasn’t in my love life. It also makes me think that I should have asked for the heirloom necklace back, since now it will not be passed down in my family line. Do you think that is something I should have done, or is it all just tied up with my still raw emotions? --- MISSING MORE THAN A NECKLACE

DEAR MISSING MORE THAN A NECKLACE: It’s clear to me that you are still nursing a flame for your ex, which given the amount of time you were together and how far along the relationship went, is completely understandable.

However, you gave your ex the necklace as a gift, and once you did, it became hers to do with as she chooses, painful as that now is to accept. Brooding on and second-guessing a decision you made in the past will not help you heal or get over your lost love.

I hope you find yourself able to let go of what can’t be so you can move onto and into the next chapter of your life.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband is one of those slow burners when something gets to him. He doesn’t complain like I do about all the stupid little things that bug me, but all of a sudden, something sets him off and everything he’s been sitting on for weeks, or even months, comes spilling out, and it is a little scary for me sometimes.

He isn’t violent, but he just starts raving, sometimes about things that happened to him at work or at home, which I had no idea were a problem. It’s the only time he cusses, and when I try to tell him to calm down, he just yells at me not to treat him like a baby, and he goes and locks himself in his exercise room or our bedroom. Once I had to sleep in the spare room, because he wouldn’t let me come into our room.

I do not fear for myself, but I worry about him. I know he needs some help to get his reactions under control. I think that’s what he does when he locks himself in, but it doesn’t seem like the healthiest reaction to me. What do you think? --- wife of a pressure cooker

DEAR wife of a pressure cooker: Many of us have ways of dealing with pressure and stress, some are more effective and healthy than others. It sounds like your husband chooses to keep to himself until he calms down, which doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. That isn’t to say you both might not benefit from exploring more methods to help prevent him from getting to those boiling points. One thing you could do is to research what helps other people successfully restore balance when faced with stress.

Professional counseling may be another option to consider at least for yourself, even if your husband isn’t interested.

If, however, at any time his behavior frightens you or makes you feel unsafe, then please remove yourself from his immediate area and seek help. Hopefully, it’ll never come to your needing to protect yourself, but it’s a good idea to have a safety plan ready just in case.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My spouse and I have a few specialty/expensive party items that most people don’t have. Think specialty photo equipment, food machines, and media/sound systems. We decided to buy the equipment rather than rent each time we need them.

This has led to some relatives (ln-law siblings A, B, and C) requesting to borrow them for their own events. The issue we have is that while siblings A and B are financially stable and would be able to replace our items should something happen when borrowing them, sibling C is not. All we would get is an, “I’m so sorry.”

Should we just deny siblings A’s, B’s, and C’s requests to borrow our items, or is there a way to kindly explain to C that we can’t risk loaning an item we have no guarantee of getting back? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but we work hard and saved for what we have. --- HESITANT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HESITANT IN ILLINOIS: Do you have any reason to believe that C would be inherently more likely than A and B to misuse, damage, or lose any of the equipment? If yes, than you’re well within your rights to as politely as possible make C the exception to lending them any of your expensive or unusual equipment. If it isn’t that they’re more likely to place your belongings at risk, but just unable to cover the replacement cost, then like you, I can see the possibility of offending C with a denial.

What might help avoid coming off as your singling out C is if you told everyone that since the equipment is so costly, you and your spouse have decided to require a cash deposit from anyone asking to borrow from your stock of party gear. Even fully refundable deposits tend to give people more of a stake in a venture. The practice also makes it feel like a rental, rather than a loan and that you’re serious about protecting your investment, which you have every right to do, regardless of who’s asking to use what you’ve worked and saved to acquire.