DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My oldest and closest friend, “Kaitlyn,” is one of those people who is always overloading herself with obligations, some of which she never can get around to, but still locks herself into.

We always just assumed we would be each other’s maid of honor when we got married, and when she was mine she was barely there for me because she was so buried in other things she said she would do for other people. I ended up having to ask another friend and bridesmaid to help me with a lot of the jobs an MOH would usually take on, and I felt it wasn’t fair to my other friend to end up doing all the work without the recognition of being MOH.

After my wedding, Kaitlyn said something about being sorry she wasn’t around more, and then repeated the list of everything else she was involved with at the time.

I know she isn’t a bad person. Just the opposite. She tries so hard to help everyone out, that it is just a case of something’s got to give. Knowing she’s trying hard helps some, but it doesn’t take away all the hurt of basically being abandoned by a best friend.

How do I trust her to be there for me now that I’m expecting my first baby? I know she thinks she’s going to be my son’s godmother, and I don’t see that happening, because nothing’s changed with the way she’s all over the place, and already my sister-in-law and mother have taken over planning the shower Kaitlyn started planning before she disappeared again. I need someone I can rely on for such a big commitment as being a godparent, which is a really big deal in my family, and I just don’t think she’s the one for it. --- CAN’T TRUST HER TO COME THROUGH

DEAR CAN’T TRUST HER TO COME THROUGH: I would guess you’re not the only one getting shortchanged by your well-intentioned, but over-extended friend. You know how she operates, and it isn’t likely she’s going to change anytime soon. If you feel strongly that you need someone you can rely on to be your son’s godmother, then by all means, go with that person. Should your overbooked friend question you about your choice, or appear to be hurt by your not picking her, you might gently tell her that you know her plate is already full, and you didn’t want her to have to juggle one more responsibility at this time.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My roommate grew up in a big family, in a crowded home. I grew up as an only child, mostly raised by a single mom, so it was never more than two of us in our house except when we had visitors.

I am not used to my roommate’s constantly invading my privacy. She thinks nothing of coming into the bathroom to get things when I’m in the shower. Sometimes she doesn’t even close the bathroom door all the way when she’s in there. She borrows some of my stuff without asking, and seems to think everything in the kitchen is up for grabs and free use.

My last roommate was more like me, and we had clear boundaries, most of which were never officially set, they just were. Overall, I get along well with my current roommate, and I don’t want to make trouble, but her lack of respecting my boundaries and privacy really gets to me sometimes.

How do I let her know I am not OK with some of the things she does without hurting her feelings or making things tense? --- MY ROOMIE HAS NO BOUNDARIES

DEAR MY ROOMIE HAS NO BOUNDARIES: Given your early household experiences, it’s not surprising you have different expectations for sharing a home. It appears the time has come to sit down with your roommate to openly lay down some simple ground rules, especially since she may be clueless about how her habits clash with yours.

The conversation should include you sharing your discomfort at her coming into the bathroom and using your kitchen supplies and other things without asking. Regardless of past experiences, it’s not unreasonable to let her know you need to have some boundaries for your own comfort and for practical purposes as well. These are the kinds of seemingly minor frustrations that can boil over into unpleasant confrontations if not addressed early on.

Once she knows some of what works for you and what doesn’t, hopefully she’ll begin meeting you in the middle. If not, this can prove to be an object lesson for you both in the importance of compatibility and the art of compromise when living with someone in a shared space.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have always been super close to my parents, and I married a man who never had a good relationship with his. So he gets mad sometimes when I spend a lot of time visiting, talking, or messaging my parents, especially my mom. He thinks it is a reflection on him, that I feel he isn’t enough for me, and that I need to cut back on how much time I put in with my parents.

What he does not seem to get is that this is how my family is. I can’t help it if he comes from a very dysfunctional homelife. His parents split when he was little, and he lived with his grandmother and one of his aunts more than he ever lived with his parents. When they were together as a family, he told me they all didn’t get along, and every family gathering ended in big fights and people storming out, if not actually smacking each other around.

I honestly cannot imagine how hard that all must have been for him, but it is not at all like my experience of family. I don’t want him to resent my closeness with my family. I want for him to feel part of it. He gets along alright with my mom, dad, and my two brothers. They have all always done everything they can to make him feel like he is truly part of our family.

What else can I do to get him to not be threatened by how close I am and expect to continue being with my family? --- LOVE MY FAMILY AND MY HUSBAND

DEAR LOVE MY FAMILY AND MY HUSBAND: Given the vast differences in your respective upbringings, it’s not hard to imagine why your husband would be feeling like the odd man out — for all your and your family’s well-intentioned efforts to include him.

For now, as you wait for things to settle in, I think you shouldn’t overdo or force the exposure between your husband and your family. Rather than potentially being made to feel he’s being shoehorned into a whole new world, he may need to acclimate to what you take for granted as business as usual.

In addition to limiting direct contact, it might not be a bad idea to block out some time just for you and your husband, during which you refrain from contacting your folks. Likewise, you could try scheduling regular catch-ups with your family when your husband is engaged in his own pursuits that don’t include you.

Strange as compartmentalization probably seems to someone so intertwined with their family as you are, hopefully it will make things a little easier on your husband if you allow him to gradually become more used to your experience of family.