DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My roommate is probably the most beautiful woman I know. She is also smart. But when she gets around men, she becomes something entirely different, it’s like she feels she has to be someone she isn’t to impress them. And it seems to work. The guys fall for who they think she is, and although she doesn’t ever seem to fall for them, she seems to enjoy the effect she has on them. I find it weird and a little disturbing, like I don’t always know her.
I really respect the woman I know, but wonder if I should say anything to her about how her alter ego comes off. Do you think it would be a good thing to do? --- TWO ROOMMATES IN ONE
DEAR TWO ROOMMATES IN ONE: Two possibilities come to mind that might explain your roommate’s quick-change mode. Either she isn’t as confident as you think she is, and so slips into a persona she believes is more generally pleasing to men; or she enjoys toying with the guys she intentionally dazzles.
A third thought is that she uses her alter ego, as you call it, as a kind of litmus test to see what guys fall for the fake and which ones don’t.
To avoid coming off as judgmental, which your feelings about her behavior may appear, any private conversations with her on the subject might be best presented as an exploration of her motives, rather than an observation of what you think she’s doing wrong. However, my guess is she’ll continue to do what works best for her, especially if it’s yielded desired results in the past.