DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend was engaged to her last boyfriend for almost five years. He called it all off a few weeks before the wedding, and it really busted my girlfriend up. I didn’t know her at the time, but her friends told me about it.
She didn’t go out with anyone for over a year. Then, when she did, it sounds like she went sort of wild. She hooked up with a couple of guys from work, and started barhopping most weekends. Her best friend said it was like a weird phase she had to go through to get back to being herself.
I’m no saint, and have had plenty of wild times too. But now, I’m ready to start thinking about settling down, and this woman feels like the one for me. I just don’t know if she feels the same, or if she’s just using me like she did the other guys she’s been with since her breakup. Her friends tell me she’s different with me than she was with the other guys, which makes me feel a little better. But how do I find out if I’m just another stepping-stone for her, or if maybe she’s ready for something more real too? --- READY TO SETTLE DOWN
DEAR READY TO SETTLE DOWN: You don’t say anything about how long you’ve been with your new girlfriend. If it’s still a fresh relationship, what’s the rush to define it just yet?
I understand you’re getting to the next stage of your life, but if you think there’s even a chance of this relationship being a real deal, then let it unfold for a while on its own. My suspicion is you’ll know soon enough if you’re as significant a part of her life as she’s already apparently become of yours.