life

How Much Help with Grad School Is Enough?

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | May 4th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son is going back to school to get his master’s in psychology, which, as he and his dad explain, he needs to get very far in such a competitive field.

I’m all for his going back to school and have told him that if he needs, he can move back into my basement apartment, where he lived for a few months after he graduated the first time. The space is currently not being rented out, and even though his being there will cut into my extra income, it will be okay for a while.

My ex-husband has told our son that he doesn’t see why we can’t help him with the tuition as well. That I can’t do comfortably. My ex and I pooled our money and took care of most of the costs for a bachelor’s, but I am not ready to take on any more expense for an adult child. Am I being selfish, like my ex keeps telling me I am? --- FEEL LIKE I’M DOING ENOUGH

DEAR FEEL LIKE I’M DOING ENOUGH: Based on what you shared, I’m on your side. Allowing your son to live rent-free is no small contribution to furthering his education.

If your ex-husband is able and willing to kick in some money towards the other expenses, then that can be his way of offering support to your son.

Family & ParentingMoney
life

Visits to Critically Ill Boss Prove Too Much

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 30th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: One of my bosses has been battling cancer for several years. Sadly, he is now in his final weeks, and it has been hard on everyone in the shop. He is a really good guy, and has tried to stay involved in the running of the business he and his partner started nearly 60 years ago. We all think it helps him to keep as busy as his health allows.

There are three of us who take turns bringing him work that can’t be done on-line or by phone put together by his partner. The other two seem to not have as much trouble seeing him in his failing condition as I do. My grandfather passed less than a year ago from cancer, and it all brings back painful memories.

I have always liked my boss, and he has always been really good to me, bringing me on when I had almost no experience. But I don’t know how much longer I can continue with these visits. I just find it so hard. I know my coworkers would pick up my days, but I am still trying to stick it out.

If I did back out of the visits, do you think it would be wrong and make me a coward? --- FEELING LIKE A COWARD

DEAR FEELING LIKE A COWARD: Having recently lost someone close to you to cancer gives you painfully fresh insight into just how heartbreakingly difficult it is for both your boss and his loved ones. I can certainly understand why your reaction may be to remove yourself from the situation. However, before making that decision, you might want to have a conversation with your other boss about how you’re feeling. I’m guessing his long-time partner knows your ailing boss well. Listen to what guidance you get from that corner, and don’t judge yourself harshly if continuing the visits is too much for you. Seeing, or even sensing, your discomfort could potentially make it harder on your boss, and wouldn’t be helpful to anyone involved.

DeathWork & School
life

New Mom Hurt by Baby's Preference for Daddy

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 29th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My own mother says I’m being nuts, but it hurts me that although I’m the one home with our 11-month-old daughter, I become invisible when her daddy comes back from work. He swoops in and gets the hugs and cheek-sucking little kisses that I almost never get.

Obviously, our daughter doesn’t know this hurts, but it does. I also find myself sometimes resenting my husband unfairly. He doesn’t know how I feel either, and I think I would sound petty telling him, so I don’t. He's a great daddy, and deserves our baby’s love as much as I do. But still.

Do you agree with my mom that I’m being nuts? --- GOT A DADDY’S GIRL

DEAR GOT A DADDY’S GIRL: No, you’re not nuts. It can be a little rough on the primary caregiver when someone else seems to be the apple of a baby’s eye. But your turn will most likely come.

As circumstances permit, when you begin to take your little girl out into the world more, you’ll find it’s you she holds onto and counts on for shelter and security in new situations and around unfamiliar people and places. Right now, her daddy’s a different face and smile at the end of a day with you; but you’re her rock, and that counts for more than you may currently imagine.

For now, you might consider letting your husband know how you feel, to hopefully avoid giving way to a brewing resentment, and the possibility of your daughter picking up on your own tension.

Family & Parenting

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