DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been seeing a lady I met at work. Even though we can’t do much in the way of normal-type dates, we find ways to spend quality time together, and I have begun to believe we have a good chance at having something special.
The biggest drawback to my wanting to get too serious is that she is so involved with her grandkids that they always come first, no matter what.
I don’t want to compete with her family. They’re good people, and the kids are a pleasure to be around when we take them out to parks or for ice cream. But I don’t like knowing that my plans with their grandmother will be dropped like a hot potato when her daughter calls to ask for help with the kids. Am I wrong in wanting to have some priority in the life of the woman I’m coming to love? --- NOT INTO PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE
DEAR NOT INTO PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE: You shouldn’t feel that this is some kind of rivalry. I’ll venture a guess that your lady friend’s family will always be a top priority for her, and that’s completely reasonable and something that’s part of her package deal.
You’re relatively new in the picture, and perhaps you need to give it more time to see if you begin to be a bigger part of it, especially if it’s been awhile since your friend has been in a romantic relationship.