DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband is always defending his “little” brother, “Paul”, whenever I or his mom complain that it always seems like Paul’s “back problems” flare up whenever we could use a hand with some manual labor. My husband, who has bad knees, ends up taking it all on, so Paul doesn’t have to.

The last time my in-laws needed to get shoveled out after a major snowstorm, Paul said he was having a flare-up and couldn’t help. So my husband, my 70-year-old father-in-law, and I moved the two feet of snow out of the driveway and off the front walk. It took us nearly three hours, and the next day, my husband woke up with a knee the size of a grapefruit, while Paul was posting snowboarding shots on Instagram.

I so wanted to show the pictures to my in-laws, but that would just make things worse, at least for my mother-in-law.

I want to tell my jerk of a brother-in-law off, but my husband doesn’t want me to. Don’t you think I have a right to? I just hope my mother-in-law lets him have it. --- STEAMED SIL

DEAR STEAMED SIL: While I don’t blame you for being angry, I’d let your mother- and father-in-law handle this one. Flaunting photo evidence of their son’s apparent selfishness would probably only hurt them.

Your husband knows how you feel, and hopefully he’ll change his mind and say something directly to his brother that gives him a clear idea of how much he lets everyone — especially his parents and big brother — down.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter-in-law is a bright, sweet, loving young woman, but she tends to jump on the latest-greatest cooking/diet fads. Good for her, I say, except when I have to eat it too, which has been the case for the past six months, while I have been living with my son’s family waiting to move into a new condo. It’s been under construction for nearly a year, and I sold my house, anticipating I would have moved in long before now. Construction is behind, and so what was to be a two month at the most visit, has turned into a longer-term houseguest arrangement.

I enjoy being with my son and his wife and we all seem to get along well. I even find I can help out some around the house, including paying them rent and doing little things, like cooking dinner for them, since I get back from work earlier than they do most days. Only now that my daughter-in-law’s gone vegan, there isn’t much I can do beyond cutting things up and putting them aside until she’s home. It’s also not my kind of eating. I’m far from being a complete carnivore, but I do like a varied diet, and since she’s now all vegan, all the time, I try to have a more substantial lunch at work than I’d usually have to keep from being hungry later in the day, especially after having just eaten dinner. I also have a stash of snack food in my borrowed bedroom, which is not something I like having to do.

I know my son is as thrilled about this latest meal plan as I am, and although he has said nothing, I suspect he too is filling up before heading home for the day.

I think he should say something to his wife about how unpopular this particular diet is around here. Both my son and I have done research on veganism and compared notes. What we found is disturbing. If not properly done, a vegan diet can be dangerous for the dieters.

Am I right to encourage my son to step up and tell his wife what we’re feeling? I learned long ago to never be the meddling in-law, and this feels a bit borderline to me. --- HUNGRY HOUSEGUEST

DEAR HUNGRY HOUSEGUEST: The smart practice is nearly always, as you say, to be the non-interfering in-law, but I can see why you have concerns. While I’m all for healthy habits, after doing a little of my own research, it looks to me like vegan diets can be a real challenge to get right for the dieter.

Even though you and your son are on the same page, I think you may be better off letting him do the opinion-sharing within the privacy of his and his wife’s relationship.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My parents will be married for 40 years in September. My brother and two sisters and I and our significant others want to do something really special for them to celebrate, but we can’t agree on the best way to do that.

I am the youngest and still working on paying off student loans. My oldest sister is a psychologist and so is her husband, so they are really comfortable. The rest of us are not nearly as well-off, but just as anxious to do something nice for Mom and Dad.

It has come down to paying for a trip to California so they can see and stay with some old friends and a close cousin, or giving them a nice check for whatever they want to use it for. My oldest sister thinks she should be in charge, and is pushing for the cash, and what she is suggesting we each put in is a lot more than the rest of us can comfortably do right now. And not doing it makes some of us feel like we’re just being cheap.

I and my next oldest sister think the trip would be something they would really enjoy and would not likely treat themselves to. We priced it out and a four-way split, especially with little or no hotel expenses, is something we can all easily afford a quarter of. Our brother, as usual, refuses to tell us what he’s voting for, which we keep telling him is not very helpful.

How do we settle this? --- VOTING FOR THE TRIP

DEAR VOTING FOR THE TRIP: I’m thinking it’s up to you and your next oldest sister to convince your brother that the trip is the way to go, since that’s where your comfort level rests. Three votes to one might carry the day, especially if you emphasize everyone else’s budget constraints to your big sister.

Of course, she could argue that once they have the cash gift, your parents could opt to spend it on a trip. A counter to that is that “something else” always seems comes up where extra money could be handy, and there’s no guarantee the gift would be put towards something fun and memory-making — especially if your parents are practical by nature.