life

Now Able-bodied Friend Expects Continued Dog Walking

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | January 29th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A good friend of mine’s wife had a baby right before my friend deployed. They have a young dog that they had just about housetrained when he left, so I volunteered to help with the dog walking while she recovered from having the baby (C-section).

That was four months ago, and now my friend’s wife has returned to work, and since I only currently work parttime, she expects that I will drop everything and stop by EVERY DAY to walk the dog while she is at work. Her apartment is about 10 minutes from mine (20 with not unusual traffic), which means I have a 20-40-minute block of time added to the half hour walk I give the dog. To make sure I don’t forget, she texts me to “remind” me when it’s time to drop everything and walk the dog, at the time she thinks is the best for the puppy.

I have hinted that this can’t go on. I expect to be back to work fulltime myself soon, so what am I supposed to do? Give over all my lunch hours to walk someone else’s dog?

Her husband is one of my closest friends, and we have done a lot for each other over the years, but I can’t believe he would want me to go the distance on this one, especially since his tour has just been extended. What do I do to get out from under this situation? --- NOT A PROFESSIONAL DOG WALKER

DEAR NOT A PROFESSIONAL DOG WALKER: It seems you’ve already gone above and beyond in helping your buddy’s wife, and the longer you let the situation continue, the more convinced she may become that you’re okay with it.

While it might soften her disappointment to let her know you’re still around to lend a hand if she needs help from time-to-time until her husband returns, I think you need to level with her. Tell her your schedule will soon no longer permit your daily visits, so she’ll need to make other arrangements. You might suggest she hire a neighborhood kid to take over where you’re leaving off. It won’t be free, but it’ll get you off the hook and give your friend’s wife a connection within her more immediate community. With a growing family, having a potential evening and weekend babysitter — in addition to a reliable dog walker — in her contact list could be an added bonus.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Cigarette Smoke and Odor Make It Tough to Be Around Mom's BF

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | January 28th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother began dating a man who is, in my opinion, a heavy smoker. My mother does not seem to notice it too much. My dad was a social smoker up until he passed away, so it was not an unusual smell in the house, although he had to smoke outside at home. I could never get used to the smell on his clothes and his breath when he smoked. Now, it’s torture for me to be in the same room with a heavy smoker, even though he too never smokes in the house.

My mom seems to be getting more and more into this new man, and except for the smoking, he seems like a good guy and a good match for my mom.

But how do I handle hanging around with him and my mom when sometimes the smell is so strong it makes me want to gag? --- CAN’T STAND SMOKER’S SMELL

DEAR CAN’T STAND SMOKER’S SMELL: Have you discussed this issue with your mom? By not sharing your situation, and taking into account the health dangers of third-hand smoke, she might come to believe any reluctance to be around them is about her new man, rather than the result of his habit.

While there are techniques and products available to help minimize the lingering odors caused by cigarette and other smoke, they may be of little or no use in this case, since the smell comes with the smoker.

If you’re only visiting your mom and not living in the same house, perhaps you could suggest meeting up with them in either outdoor or more open settings. When you’re all in the same room in the house, if possible, one way you might minimize your discomfort would be to position yourself near a window that can be opened, weather permitting.

Love & DatingHealth & Safety
life

Valentine's Day Ultimatum

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | January 26th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend has been wanting to take me away for a special weekend for a long time now. I couldn’t get off work for Valentine’s weekend last year when he first wanted to go somewhere, and this year I am not comfortable traveling for safety reasons, but also especially since if my boss finds out, I’ll have to miss two weeks at work for self-quarantine, because my company follows our state’s COVID-19 recommendations.

My boyfriend thinks I am being a big baby, since he says so long as we are careful, keep our masks on and social distance when not in our hotel room, we should be fine. He also thinks I shouldn’t report leaving the state to my company, which if they find out I kept it a secret, could cost me my job or at least my good standing.

He says that if I love him, I’ll take a chance, and he has more than hinted that if I am not willing to risk this for him, I must not love him enough to be with him, and he sees no reason we shouldn’t breakup.

Am I wrong to stick to my request we postpone the big weekend getaway until it’s safer to do it? --- TOO MUCH TO RISK

DEAR TOO MUCH TO RISK: A lot of life has had to be postponed these days, as your boyfriend must be aware. I think he’s the one being selfish in this case, and you can easily turn the tables on his thinking by saying if he truly loves you, he’d respect your not feeling good about this particular getaway at this particular time.

I believe you’re right to follow what you know and feel to be the correct thing to do. Besides, I can’t imagine you’d have a very good time if you spent the days away worrying about potential consequences of the trip for both your health and your job.

COVID-19Love & DatingWork & School

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