DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was told by a mutual friend that a good friend of mine has gotten back together with the boyfriend who cheated on her at least twice, that she knows of, during the last time they were together. They were a childhood sweetheart story and sometime between their getting engaged and when they were supposed to get married, he felt the need to sleep with someone else “before it was too late”.
That was nearly a year ago and she kicked him to the curb, which I think was the best thing she ever did. Now I hear she is back with him, and I know why I heard it from someone else. She is too scared to tell me because she knows what I will say. I am not even sure I want to see her for a while, because I know I will tell her exactly how I feel about this guy, even though I have known him since we were all kids.
I know I will get over this, but how do I avoid losing a good friend until I can cool down enough to be calm around her when the topic of her and her ex getting back together comes up? --- DON’T WANT TO EXPLODE
DEAR DON’T WANT TO EXPLODE: I understand your desire to avoid a confrontation that isn’t likely to have a very happy ending, but it might be better to get your feelings briefly and civilly out in the open. Maybe you could tell your friend you heard she’s back with her ex, and that since she already knows your take on the matter, you need to avoid it until you can digest this new development. However, you’d be glad to talk to her about other topics, just not this one right now.
Given this guy’s past performance, it might also not be a bad idea to keep tabs on her through your mutual friends, and if history repeats itself, hopefully your friend can rely on you to be there for her — minus any I-told-you-so gloating.