DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I always get to be the grumpy grandpa, but it drives me nuts that my oldest grandkids never pick up after themselves when they visit. They are 10 and 13, and that seems plenty old enough to know better. My wife, who is their step-grandma and always feeling like she needs to win points, just goes along with providing maid service.

Whenever I say something, the boys tell me they don’t have to do such-and-such at home. I know their parents well enough to know this is only, at best, half true. My daughter-in-law assigns them jobs and if they want their allowance, they have to do what they are assigned to do.

So, if they can do it at their house, why not at mine? --- FORCED TO BE GRUMPY

DEAR FORCED TO BE GRUMPY: I can understand why your wife wants to score points with your grandsons, but it seems that if you and she don’t present a united front around the boys, they’ll continue to get away with not being responsible for their own messes.

My advice is to sit the kids down as soon as they arrive for their next visit and lay out your house rules. You wife should definitely be there, and if possible, so should at least one of your grandkids’ parents. Putting everyone publicly on the same page, at least to start with, might help get the point across that there’s absolutely no maid service at Grandpa’s.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter is almost 21 years old and she still does not have her driver’s license. A friend of hers was in a wreck when they were teenagers around the time both girls had just begun learning to drive. Although, thank God, no one was seriously hurt in the accident, it was enough to frighten our daughter out of wanting to learn to drive then, and it seems to have given her time to continue growing that fear until now. Fortunately, we live near public transportation, but it is only enough to get her to work and back. For anything else, she has to rely on friends, family, and Uber to get her anywhere.

Not only do we have a willingness to help her learn to drive, but we even have a car that we can put at her disposal and that she could easily afford the insurance and maintenance on for the amount she would use it.

What can we do to convince our daughter that getting her license ultimately gives her independence? --- OUR DAUGHTER WON’T DRIVE

DEAR OUR DAUGHTER WON’T DRIVE: Driving is one of those things that someone has to be truly ready to take on. I saw it with our own kids, all of whom progressed toward their license in their own way, on their own timetable.

I think the best you can do for now is to continue encouraging your daughter, but also let her take the time she needs to feel safe and be more comfortable behind the wheel.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter and her husband are the most competitive couple I know. They always have been, at least since they started dating in their senior year of college. Both were into sports, her softball and him baseball; he did footballs, she did field hockey. He grew up in rec leagues, on travel teams, and playing varsity in high school, just like our daughter.

Even now, although they work in very different fields, they have to one-up the other when it comes time for advancements or recognitions.

To me it seems like insecurity, but I’ve never been very competitive. How can two people with such competitive streaks make a successful marriage? It has me worried since it doesn’t look like this is something that becoming an adult changed for either of them. --- NOT A COMPETITOR

DEAR NOT A COMPETITOR: Competition seems to be one of those ingredients that can either strengthen a relationship if both parties are working toward a common goal, or put stress on it if they’re forever trying to top each other. When your daughter and son-in-law were in school and competing in separate sports, it was one thing. Now they’re competing in life with each other, and that holds the potential for trouble ahead.

It could be time to talk to them about your concerns. They may need to be given a little push to step back and see what they’re doing in the marriage. Like many former athletes, they might not be aware that they’re approaching life like it’s a championship. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s also not necessarily a healthy thing for a couple when they’re each other’s rival.