DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I grew up in a house where, while there were plenty of fights, there was also plenty of respect. My wife’s family isn’t at all like that. Her parents go at each other all the time, and when they’re not picking on each other, they turn their nastiness on others.

I’ve put up with it for years, but now I am to the point where I don’t want to go there, and I certainly don’t want our toddler going there. So far they’ve mostly left him alone, but I can see how tense even he gets whenever he’s around them.

I know my wife is very conflicted about this, because she’s a good person and wants to stay in touch with her parents. When our son and I are with her, it takes a little of the edge off the visit for her, which is what makes it so hard for me to tell her I don’t want to continue exposing our son to the nastiness in her parents’ house.

How can I break it to her I want out of the visits for myself and our son without putting even more on her? --- MY IN-LAWS ARE HORRIBLE

DEAR MY IN-LAWS ARE HORRIBLE: It’s unlikely your wife is unaware of how difficult it is to be with her parents, even if you’ve never openly discussed your feelings with her. She may be able to tolerate a toxic environment out of love for them, but it may be time to gently, yet firmly, let her know you believe it’s better for your young son to have limited exposure to such difficult people.

Your first duty is to your child, and hopefully you wife will agree and either visit her folks without you two along, or find ways to keep connected with them that don’t involve everyone having to be in the same place at the same time. Video chatting may be useful here, along with perhaps getting together with only one grandparent at a time, preferably in a public enough place to inspire less venom.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son is with a bright and beautiful girl. However, her fashion sense is a bit off, and she tends to wear loose tops and no bra.

As a woman, I get it. I really do. I hate having to wear a bra, and I take mine off each day as soon as I can. The issue here is that our younger son and his father, my husband, find the look a little too fascinating, and it is so obvious. At times I am embarrassed for the girl.

Do I say something, or just let it go? --- BRA BELIEVER

DEAR BRA BELIEVER: Sometimes, even the bright and beautiful can be awfully unaware of their appearance. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and in this case, let’s say your son’s girlfriend isn’t aware of the effect her wardrobe, and lack of it, have on the males in your home.

It seems it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to say something to your son about how exposed to observation his young lady is. He can take it from there if he chooses, and if not, perhaps a word in the ears of the oglers might at least let them know how obvious they’re being in their admiration.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife doesn’t know how to tell my parents that she really doesn’t want the diaper service they paid for as part of her baby shower. We really appreciate the gesture, but we feel we’re capable of washing the diapers and would rather they spend their money on something else either for themselves or their new granddaughter. They were so excited about the gift when they gave it to us that neither my wife nor I want to hurt their feelings.

How do we tell them thanks but no thanks? --- ON TOP OF THE DIAPER SITUATION

DEAR ON TOP OF THE DIAPER SITUATION: Perhaps the best case you can make is the one you presented in your letter — that you can think of other things you’d like to see them spend their money on.

Before you turn the gift down, though, consider not only does the paid-for service save you money, but more importantly it gives you more time to enjoy your new baby, which is priceless. Besides, if it’s making your folks happy that they’re doing something to help you and your wife during this time of adjusting to life as a growing family, then why not enjoy the gift?